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Everybody Hates Minimum Wage

‘Everybody Hates Minimum Wage’

Season 3, Episode 8 - Aired November 19, 2007

Chris gives Doc an ultimatum when he learns that he isn't being paid minimum wage. Meanwhile, Rochelle decides to be a hair model for Vanessa.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought about picketing, but I was afraid this would happen.
[fantasy: A group of police offices grab and beat Chris, shoving him into the back of a squad car as he pickets outside Doc's convenience store:]
Chris: He won't pay! I won't stay! He won't pay, I won't stay!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought about a sit-in, but I was afraid this would happen again.
[fantasy: A group of police offices grab and beat Chris, shoving him into the back of a squad car as he sings a protest song outside Doc's store:]
Chris: [sings] Wages... No justice, no peace!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But I decided on an ultimatum.

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Quote from Julius

Rochelle: What happened to Doc's?
Chris: He refused to pay me minimum wage, so I found a job that would.
Julius: [scoffs] Minimum wage. [chuckles] I paid a man to let me work my first job. You kids got it good.
Chris: It's about the principle, Dad, not the money. I work hard, and if the man says I should be paid $3.35 then he should pay me.
Drew: [scoffs] Good luck with that.
Julius: You get free Chinese food?
Chris: Yeah, all the rice I want.
Julius: I like those principles.

Quote from Adult Chris

Mrs. Fong: [Chinese: "Put those gloves back on. You're not finished working."]
Chris: What?
Mrs. Fong: Keep on working.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was lucky Mr. Fong wasn't zoned to grow cotton.

Quote from Rochelle

Drew: My teacher says she wants a parent to come in.
Rochelle: Well, your father will go with you tomorrow.
Julius: Why can't you go?
Rochelle: I can't go with this hair. I don't want those people to think I'm some no-account hair model. Here.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If Drew didn't get it together quick, he was going to be lost at sea.

Quote from Doc

Chris: Hey, Doc.
Doc: Hey. Good to see you, Chris.
Chris: Just coming by to say I'm sorry.
Doc: Sorry for what?
Chris: Quitting my job. I mean, I didn't know how good I had it.
Doc: Chris, if I paid you minimum wage, you'd get taxed, and I'd get taxed. I'd have to get unemployment insurance, workmen's compensation. And there are child labor laws. Look, the bottom line is, if I paid you minimum wage, I'd have to close up the store.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Years later, Doc closed the store and opened a Wal-Mart.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] By 1986 I'd been working at Doc's for three years. Outside of getting robbed four times, sick on the pickles three times and a double hernia, it was the single greatest job I ever had. And from time to time, a pretty girl might stroll in. In exchange for all my hard work, I got paid three dollars an hour.
Doc: Good job, man. $60, cold hard cash.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had the perfect job... until I found out about minimum wage. Basically, minimum wage is the only guarantee people get paid in money. Your boss would pay you in Popsicle sticks if he could.
[fantasy:]
Boss: Great work.
Worker: A Popsicle stick? What do you take this thing for, man? I cannot work and live off no Popsicle sticks. The least you can do is give me the damn Popsicle.

Quote from Chris

Chris: Doc, listen, I come in on time, and I never leave early. I work hard, so I deserve minimum wage. And if you're not going to give me a raise, I'm going to have to leave. It's a matter of principles.
Doc: Is that an ultimatum?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Well, is it?
Chris: Yeah.
Doc: Nice working with you.
Chris: You'd really let me go? Where else are you going to find somebody as reliable and trustworthy as I am that'll work for $60 a week?
Boy Scout: [enters] Sir, are you hiring?
Doc: Well, am I?
Chris: Are you?
Doc: Depends.
Chris: You gonna pay me?
Doc: Nope.
Chris: Then yes, 'cause I quit.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Maybe I should have gotten Al Sharpton involved.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I tried to get minimum wage while my father tried to get minimum sleep.
Rochelle: Guess what? Vanessa asked me to be her hair model for the upcoming hair show.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] By "Vanessa asked," she meant "I begged."
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Please, please, please, please let me be your hair model!
Vanessa: Fine. Pull yourself together.
Rochelle: Thank you!

Quote from Chris

Julius: How was work, Chris?
Chris: Huh?
Julius: How was work?
Chris: Oh, oh, it was fine.
Julius: Good. Tell Doc I said hi. He's a good guy.
Chris: Yeah, he's great.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If I developed a drug problem, my next job might be president.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Oh, girl, I'm so excited! So what styles do you have in mind?
Vanessa: Well, let me tell you about my follicular extravaganza.
Pam: Girl, check out Vanessa's designs.
Rochelle: Ooh, my goodness! Who did these drawings?
Pam: Girl, my cousin Dante.
Vanessa: He's taking an art class in prison.
Rochelle: They are so cute. I could just picture myself in all of them.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother imagined herself in the Eiffel Tower... the Helicopter... and the Black Smacker.
Vanessa: Ooh!

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