Chris: Chinese food.
Woman: [holding a gun] Oh, don't worry, 'cause this your last supper! I saw you with her! Didn't you see him, baby? Everybody did! You must think I'm stupid or blind. Maybe you think I'm stupid and blind. How much is it, baby? Well, one thing I promise you-- [Chris runs away] you ain't going to have to think much longer! He must think I'm crazy. He must... Baby? Baby, where you at? Oh. Oh, no, don't move. Don't move!

Mr. Fong: Lionel Richie, you're back just in time for another delivery.
Chris: I'm not going back out there. This neighborhood is too dangerous for deliveries. You're basically sending me out there with a sign saying, "Hey, I got money. Please rob me." Plus, I almost got shot.
Mr. Fong: My nephew has been shot by the Chinese army seven times.
Man: [Chinese: In the face!]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He should stop attacking China.
Mr. Fong: Here's your check. Maybe it help you feel better.
Chris: $48.29? Where's the rest of the money?
Mr. Fong: Taxes. The law says I have to take out withholding. Welcome to America. Now take this to Decatur Street.
Chris: Uh-uh. You take it. 'Cause I quit. And I don't look like Lionel Richie.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yes, I do!

Julius: How's the new job working out?
Chris: I quit.
Julius: You quit? Quitting is for smoking and drinking. You better have a good reason for quitting your job.
Chris: Mr. Fong kept yelling at me, I almost got shot at, I got robbed, I'm getting sick of rice, and to top that all off, I'm getting paid way much less than I was before.
Julius: You know what, Chris? You quit Doc's for your principles. He was a good boss, but you picked minimum wage over good working conditions. Looks like you picked the wrong principle to stand on.
Chris: Yeah, I did.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Later, my mother's Tsunami came crashing down in waves. Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Vanessa: Oh, hey... [screams]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The tsunami turned into Hurricane Rochelle.
Rochelle: What happened to my hair?
Vanessa: What happened to my hair? All my work! What did you do?
Rochelle: What did you do? What am I supposed to do with a head full of broken hair?
Vanessa: What am I gonna do about the show?
Rochelle: Oh, God, the show! Forget the show! Julius is never going to sleep with me again! Everybody's going to think...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother's career as a hair model was over faster than Pacman Jones' career as a citizen.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father went to get to the bottom of Drew's problem, which was actually where the problem started.
Julius: Is that Ms. Crabtree?
Drew: Yep. That's her.
Julius: My father took one look at Ms. Crabtree and knew exactly why Drew was failing.
Ms. Crabtree: Excuse me. Can I help you? Hi, Drew.
Drew: [chuckles] Hi.
Julius: Is all of that really necessary?
Ms. Crabtree: I'm sorry. All of what?
Julius: All of this. I mean, the boy can't even concentrate.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Neither can you.

Chris: Hey, Greg.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't know what to say to Greg, so I imagined what Doc would say.
Doc: [imaginary] Chris, you need to tell your friend you're sorry.
Chris: Why? He's the one with the problem. All I did was try to help. I got him talking to Mandy.
Doc: [imaginary] You got him to feel like an idiot.
Chris: He is an idiot. All he got to do is say "hi."
Doc: [imaginary] Look, Chris. A man can't say "hi" or "good-bye" to a woman unless he's ready to do it on his own. Now, you got him to talk to Mandy. Now you got to get him to talk to you. [disappears]

Chris: Hey, man, listen. I'm sorry for embarrassing you in front of Mandy.
Greg: What the heck? It's not like I have other friends to hang out with.
Chris: So we're cool?
Greg: Yeah.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We were friends, but we were far from cool.

Doc: Wait, wait, wait, Chris. If you want your job back, it's yours.
Chris: What about James?
Doc: He quit.
James: Here you go, Doc.
Chris: You're working at Hoo's now?
James: Yeah, man. That's a good job. I don't know why you quit. He pays $67 a week cash. No taxes. Must be something wrong with you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'd like to kick him in the fortune cookies.