Orla: We are running dangerously low on bamboo now, folks.
Clare: [on the phone] Are you doing like half monkey life, half literary greats? Or are you incorporating literary greats into the jungle?
Michelle: I have no fucking idea, Clare.
Clare: Well, that's not good enough! I mean, we could really be doing with some clarity here, people, because I'm starting to think you guys haven't thought this through.
[Michelle gives the finger to the telephone]
Clare: Michelle? Michelle?!

Clare: Time to get the band back together. Purse... check. Lip gloss, check. Hubba Bubba, check. Ulster bus timetable... shit. [screams] Mammy! Have you seen the Ulster Bus timetable?!

Clare: I've had a shocker, girls!
Erin: Clare, what happened?
Clare: I lost my timetable, the bus broke down, fan belt snapped. All these old women were taking their tights off and handing them to the driver, and he was like, "This isn't a film, I'm not a mechanic." Then I finally get to the parish hall and I get cornered by your Uncle Colm.
Erin: Christ.
Clare: I managed to free myself, then some wain told me you went to Jenny Joyce's house, and when I got there, the weirdest thing happened...
[flashback:]
Clare: [v.o.] Well, I'm looking for you lot when I bump into Jenny, who tells me...
Jenny: Oh, no, they all left, I think. It was probably a bit upsetting for Erin, realising the entire year chose my party instead of hers. I did try and warn her.
Clare: [v.o.] And I thought to myself, wouldn't it be a pity if there was a blackout?
[present:]
Erin: Blackout?!
Clare: So I said to Jenny, "Either the party's over, or we relocate it."
The Commitment: Jesus, Clare, where the hell is this gaff?
Erin: Oh, my God!
Clare: Looks like your party's gonna be the biggest night of the year after all, girls!
James: Clare, you little lesbian legend!
Michelle: Let's go, motherfuckers.

Erin: I just can't get my head around it. The fact that he's gone. Forever.
Clare: It's so sad, it really is, it is so, so sad, but at the same time, you know, what's done is done, so let's crack on.
Erin: Oh, I'm sorry, Clare, has his sudden, tragic death interrupted your studies?
Clare: It has a bit, actually, yeah.
Erin: How can you be so heartless?

Geraldine: All right, Mary, Sarah, Deidre. Your girls involved in this beheading too, then?
Clare: It wasn't me, mammy!
Geraldine: Do not speak to me, Clare. In fact, don't even breathe. [Clare holds her breath]
Sister Michael: Take a seat, Mrs. Devlin.

Erin: Get off!
Jonjo: What?
Erin: Back off, you heard me, I'm not messing around with this thing.
Clare: We mean you no harm, Sir.
Michelle: Seriously, Clare, the "sir" thing, just pack it in.
Jonjo: Why are you being so weird?
Clare: Why are you chasing us?
Jonjo: Because you dropped this.
Clare: That's my purse.

Clare: Nothin's going in. Nothin' is going in, and every time I try to make notes it... [hand trembles] What's happening to me?
James: There's quite a lot of caffeine in those, Clare. How many of them have you had?
Clare: I don't know. Five? 23?
Michelle: We are all so fucked.

Clare: I'm sorry, but is he OK?
Harry: Philip's actually deaf.
Clare: Oh.
Harry: In one ear.
Clare: He's deaf in one ear.
Harry: That's right.
Clare: Which ear?
Philip: That's actually a very inappropriate question.
Clare: Is it?
Harry: It is, yeah.

Michelle: Creepy wee fucker, isn't he?
Clare: I would just like to just state once again for the record that I think this might be the worst idea we've ever had.
Erin: Look, do you want to help Ms. De Brún or not?
Clare: Can we not find a way to help her that doesn't involve abducting a holy statue?
Erin: We're not abducting him, Clare. We're kidnapping him.
Clare: Is that different? I don't think that's different.

Clare: Come on, girls! This is embarrassing.
Michelle: Well, it's all right for you, Clare, but we want to buck these lads. We have to offer them some kind of incentive.
Clare: They're not prostitutes, Michelle. And even if they were, I think a half-eaten packet of Rolos and an Ulster Bank key ring is a pretty insulting form of payment.
James: I have a HB Pencil!
Michelle: Happy days.