Norm: Okay, Cliff do you want to tell me what's tattooed forever on my butt?
Cliff: It's uh, a big American flag there, Norm, with the motto "God Bless the U.S. Post Office." What, uh, what's on mine?
Norm: A big heart with the words, "I love Vera." [both drink] Guess they mixed them up, huh?
Cliff: I assume so.
Norm: Beautiful workmanship.
Cliff: Yeah, you want me to come over and show Vera?
Norm: Thanks, but no.
Cliff: In that case, would you mind coming down to the post office and show my supervisor?
Norm: No, no, I don't think so, Cliff.

Sam: Boy, it's gonna be tough finding a replacement for you, Woody.
Woody: Well, why would you want to replace me, Sam?
Sam: Well, you can't tend bar here and be a councilman at the same time. That's a full-time job.
Woody: It is, Sam?
Sam: Yeah. And working here at Cheers is a full-time job, too.
Rebecca: It is, Sam?

Carla: Sam, Sam. Sammy, it's, it's okay. So you're blowing your feathers. It's not the end of the world. Sure. You know, there's a lot more to Sam Malone than just your great hair.
Sam: Really?
Carla: Of course. You're a great guy. Handsome, sweet...
Sam: Oh, don't say "sweet."
Carla: What's the matter with sweet?
Sam: It's another way of saying bald.
Carla: Sam, Sam, I- I mean it. You are a terrific, sweet guy. I mean, anybody who would do what you just did to make someone feel better is the best friend in the world.
Sam: You don't think any less of me?
Carla: Think any less of me?
Sam: Oh...
[As Sam hugs Carla, she takes another peek at his "hair replacement system" and laughs to herself]

[Carla enters the bar wearing sunglasses, a scarf over her hair, a hat and a large coat]
Carla: Sammy, office. Quick!
Norm: What was that?
Cliff: That was either Carla or the grim reaper.
Frasier: Dear Lord, let it be the reaper.

Sam: Well, look at you guys. I wonder how Woody's doing. He was really knocking 'em back, huh?
Cliff: Oh, nobody could drink that much and end up feeling human, Sam.
Woody: [enters] Hey, everybody. Sorry I'm late. I was doing my Nordic Track.
Frasier: Woody, you had as much of that vile brew as the rest of us. How can you be so chipper this morning?
Woody: Oh, it's because of the old Hanover hangover cure. It's very simple. First, put on your pajamas. Then, take an aspirin with a glass of cold water. And then, you vomit till your nose bleeds and heave until you see the angels. Wake up in the morning, you feel brand-new. Boy, I am hungry. Anybody for some chili dogs?
Norm: Okay, okay, but only two.

Carla: What about me? I'd be a great bartender.
Sam: Oh, come on, are you kidding me? With those powerhouse drinks you make?
Carla: Aw, come on!
Sam: Sweetheart, the last time I let you tend bar there were 12 people who made a naked conga line all the way out to the commons there. And Phil over there tried to join the Flying Wallendas.
Phil: I tell you, I sobered up real fast on that high wire. Phew.
Carla: All right, so I made the drinks a little strong that night. It's not gonna happen again.

Carla: Come on, Sammy, I could really use the money. You won't be sorry.
Sam: Yeah, all right, go ahead, I'll give you a shot.
Carla: Yes!
Rebecca: Now hold it a second! I'm the one who's supposed to make the decisions around here. I am the manager. Now, to whom should I give this job of bartender?
Carla: How would you like me to rip out your still-beating heart and show it to you before you hit the ground?
Rebecca: I've got it! How about Carla?

Sam: You know something, with Carla being our new bartender, we're gonna need a waitress. Why don't you get on the phone and call the agency and hire one? Think you can manage that?
Rebecca: Yes, I think I can manage that! But could you dial? I just had my nails done. [Sam groans] And could you talk? I get uncomfortable talking to strangers.

Sam: Hey there, Frasier.
Frasier: I'm sorry, Sam. Your friend Frasier is dead. What you are looking at is his undead corpse.
Sam: Here you go, pal.
Frasier: All right, let's review. Last night I got knee-walking drunk, and now I am back in this bar, a mere seven-and-a-half hours later, hung over. Well, it's official. I have a problem.
[Frasier and Norm cover their ears when the phone rings]

Sam: [answers phone] Cheers. Hey, is that you, Cliffie? Cliff? He, uh, just woke up. He doesn't know where he is.
Cliffie, calm down, man. Just, just, just look around and describe what you see. Cliff, you're in the office, pal. My pleasure.
Cliff: [emerges from the office] Uh, coffee, please there, Sammy.
Sam: I told you to watch out for her drinks. How many did you have?
Cliff: Oh, I don't even remember, Sam. Don't remember much of anything after the wooden lady laughed at me and called me a half man.