Sam: Oh, my. Yeah, uh, listen I know what you want to do is run out there and tell the guys, but I've got to remind you here, Paul, a gentleman does not kiss and tell. It's just not cool.
Paul: But you do it, Sam.
Sam: True. True. But I'm Sam Malone, and by definition, everything I do is cool.

Norm: [enters] [softly:] Morning everybody.
All: Norm! [Norm covers his ears in agony]
Rebecca: How are you feeling, Norm?
Norm: Terrible. A splitting headache. And I think I might be sick. Can I have a beer, Sammy?

Carla: Sammy. How could you have a problem worse? You're perfect. You don't even know what the rest of the world is like.
Sam: Honey, I... I'm not perfect.
Carla: Oh, yeah, right.
Sam: All right, you really want to know? Watch this.
Carla: [gasps] Holy Mother of God! Oh, Sammy! You wear a rug!
Sam: It's not a rug! It's not a rug! It's a hair replacement system.