Lucille: It's not fair to Buster. He's a nervous wreck right now. He's going into the army, for God's sake. [sobs]
Michael: You volunteered him.
Lucille: I knew you were going to throw that in my face.
Michael: Well, don't worry about it, okay? They're never gonna take him anyway.

Lucille: Michael?
Michael: Mom, I'm right in the middle of something. [to Gob] Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.

George Michael: Hey, can I bring Ann?
Michael: Who?
George Michael: Ann. You know, she's- she's the girl I'm kinda hanging out with.
Michael: I haven't met Ann.
George Michael: Yes, you have.
Narrator: Michael had met Ann.
George Michael: You let her in. See, that's her right over there.
Michael: Oh, Ann. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. I know Ann. Hey, you! She's got a little hard-boiled egg going there.
George Michael: Oh, it's so cute. She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she'll squirt it in her mouth, and then she'll take an egg and kind of.... mmm. She calls it a mayonn-egg. [chuckles] Are you okay?
Michael: I don't feel so good.

Lindsay: There's a cream with real diamonds in it. I can actually smear diamonds on my face, and it's only $400 a tub. That's like, what, like a million diamonds for $400?
Michael: Mm.
Lindsay: A million [bleep] diamonds.

Michael: It did bother me that they did so well without me. But l-I do have to ask them for help.
Tobias: And I have to ask for an audition.
Michael: You haven't auditioned yet?
Tobias: Oh, no, no. I'm not in the group yet. No, I'm afraid I just "blue" myself.
Michael: There's gotta be a better way to say that.

Narrator: It was at that moment that Lucille was stopped by a documentary filmmaker.
Man: Uh, your company's being accused of profiting off the building of houses in Iraq.
Lucille: That's crazy. We're all loyal Americans.
Man: Oh, yeah. Would you enlist your son or daughter in the army?
Lucille: [looks at Buster] Yes.

Lindsay: Michael, maybe the reason why you always come back is because you need us more than we need you.
Michael: Oh, that's rich. Huh. I need you. All right, I'll tell you what. Mom, you're always asking me to help you look after Buster. You can find somebody else. I hope she doesn't kill you.
Buster: I'll kill her first.
Michael: And good luck trying to find someone else to run the business, by the way. Gob, instead of always coming to me asking me for money saying, "I've made a huge mistake", you can bail yourself out next time.
Gob: [chuckles] I've never admitted to a mistake. What would I have made a mistake about?
Michael: Lindsay, instead of sleeping in twin beds, you and your husband take the master bedroom. It's not like you've never come to me with your marital problems saying, "Oh, help me, Michael. I think my husband might be a"- [horn blares]
Tobias: Oh! Well- It's-
Michael: Here we go.

Narrator: This is Michael Bluth. Right now he's taking his son, George Michael, to start a new life in Arizona.
Michael: Phoenix, Arizona, huh? This is it, boy. We are free. We're gonna follow our dreams, you know? And the best part of it? Not workin' for the family anymore.
George Michael: Yeah, but don't- don't you always say "family first"?
Michael: Yes, I do. But that is not a family, okay? They're a bunch of greedy, selfish people who have our nose. And Aunt Lindsay.
George Michael: She's not my real aunt?
Michael: Not a real nose. Got a picture of her when she's 14 in a swimming cap. She looks like a falcon.

Gob: Zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the first born. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about and I'm taking over.
Michael: You want to be in charge?
Gob: Yeah.
Michael: You want to deal with what I deal with a sister who takes your money and throws it away; a mother who you can't trust; a company whose founder may be on trial for treason- Is that what you want?
Gob: What kind of vacation time does it offer?
Michael: Yeah.

Michael: Gob, shouldn't you be in bed?
Gob: Well, we got a meeting with Dad's attorney today. He's gonna want me to take a lie-detector test to use as evidence in Dad's trial, but, uh, I don't want to. What if they ask about a magic trick? I just I can't risk it.
Michael: They're not gonna ask you anything. They want me to take the polygraph test.
Gob: But I'm the oldest. The matriarch, if you will.
Michael: Sure. I will.