Tobias: Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne. "I'm not gonna cry about my pa. I'm gonna build an airport, put my name on it." Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? You can keep 'em bottled up, but they will come out, Michael. Sometimes in the most unexpected- Hey, where the [bleep] are my hard-boiled eggs?

Michael: No, his girlfriend, from me. I just caught him sneaking up to her in the attic and he clearly did so because he thinks I don't approve. You know, I think I'm gonna invite her to the wake. Why make him hide? Why do to him what- Why do to him what Dad used to do to me?
Lindsay: [sobs] He was so amazing.
Michael: That was actually an example of how not so amazing he was. Boy, you're really going through something here, huh?
Lindsay: I know! You know, it's funny, all those years when I pretended to cry I used to use Dad's death to get me going. I tried it with Mom's, but I'd just end up smiling and ruining it.

Lucille: Oscar, close it. You look like the window of a butcher shop. [quietly on the phone] Thank God I can finally get rid of him.

Gob: Anyway, I was talking about Poof magazine, the magazine for magicians.
Michael: Yeah.
Gob: Look, this guy Tony Wonder bakes himself into a loaf of bread and pops out of a giant sandwich to feed the troops. I had that idea 10 months ago.
Michael: You had that idea?
Gob: Well, basically. I was gonna boil myself alive into a chowder and then be ladled into a giant cauldron to entertain and feed the firemen.
Michael: That's pretty close.
Gob: I should be in this Poof!

Narrator: Michael was adjusting to his new position as vice president which meant doing the work of the president, his brother Gob.
Gob: Michael.
Michael: Hey.
Gob: So, did you see the new Poof?
Michael: [closes the door] His name's Gary, and we don't need any more lawsuits.
Gob: No, I was talking about the magazine- Wait. Gary's gay?
Michael: Yeah.
Gob: Uh-oh. He's gonna think I was coming on to him.
[flashbacks:]
Gob: You've got a nice mouth.
Gob: I'd kill for that ass.
Gob: Okay, the chair's not doing it now but lately it's been giving out as soon as I lean back.

Buster: [recording] Mother, when you see this videotape, you'll know that I left. Not out of cowardice, but out of- [yawns] Oh, man. It's tiring in here. Oh.
Narrator: Six minutes later, Michael dropped off his mother's housekeeper.
Buster: [wakes up] Mexico.
Narrator: In fact, he was in Santa Ana, a town six minutes inland from his home. But the combination of losing his glasses and breathing carbon monoxide had impaired Buster's judgment.
Buster: Oh, this shall keep me safe from the hot Mexican sun.
Lupe: Excuse me. What are you doing?
Buster: I'm trying to find a place to live.
Lupe: Ay. [Spanish: "So now I must take care of Buster."]

Narrator: And the next morning, the family met at Buster's send-off party, where Lucille was not keeping her feelings hidden.
Buster: A camcorder.
Lucille: That's so you can videotape it when they put you in a naked pyramid and point to your Charlie Browns.
Buster: I ought to point to Uncle Oscar's Charlie Browns next time you're on top of him, Mother.
Lucille: He's moving out. See how he treats me? Just because he thinks I'm having an affair with the boy's uncle.
Oscar: Yes. And she's not having an affair with the boy's... uncle.

Narrator: Michael Bluth arrived at work to find his brother adjusting to his new job as president.
Michael: What have you got there? "Don't be afraid to make a mi-" [inspirational framed poster falls off the wall]
Gob: I'm not gonna beat myself up over that.
Michael: Oh. It works. So, I wrote your "Message from the President" on the shareholders' statement. Starla's making copies.
Gob: Did I tell you that she'd make a great secretary?
Michael: Yeah. I'm not so sure that hiring her wasn't a mistake.
Gob: And I'm not afraid to make mistakes. Or have you forgotten this little- [smashes glass] Damn it! My legs are so powerful.

Narrator: And George Sr. made his case to the Mexican police.
George Sr.: My God, I was beaten up here. I'm telling you. I'm George. I'm not Oscar. I'm George.
Federale: The Cornballer.
George Sr.: Si. The Cornballer.
Narrator: George Sr. had marketed a device called the Cornballer in Mexico after the severe burns it caused led to it being banned in the U.S.
George Sr.: Why, did you have one?
Federale: Si. [men all show their scarred arms]

Narrator: At that moment, Buster was taking his physical at the recruitment center.
Buster: I have a hole in my heart. I've never opened my eyes underwater. My, um, [whispers] reproductive organ is shaped like a lobster tail, but without its shell, hmm? Oh, I guess I have the panic attacks under control. Oh, and I'm legally blind at night.
Narrator: But Buster had miscalculated the army's current need for personnel.
Army Doctor: Okay, then, let's get you fitted for a uniform.
Buster: What? What?