Mike: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey! All right! That's it! That's it! We're shutting it down! Party's over! Here we go. You guys shouldn't be celebrating Valentine's Day anyway, because it's a scam cooked up by the greeting card companies. You know what you should be doing? You should be studying. 'Cause guess what they're doing in China right now? They are doing math and they're learning how to be C.E.O.S of greeting card companies so they can sell us Americans a heart-shaped load of crap!
[cut to Mike returning home:]
Mike: Banned.

Sue: [phone rings] Aah! That's Matt.
Frankie: Let it ring. Nancy's looking for volunteers to pack lunches for the poor. I do that every morning.

Frankie: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Mike?! They're gone! They're gone! Every picture we've taken for the last seven years is gone!
Mike: What are you talking about? You have backups, don't you?
Frankie: No, they were on the computer, and now they're gone! Listen, I keep hearing about a cloud. Do we have a cloud?
Mike: Just the black one over our heads.

Chuck: Nice suit, little dude. Off the rack?
Brick: Out of the box.
Chuck: What's the label?
Brick: I don't know. Shah-nee-a Twan.
Chuck: Shania Twain?
Brick: The "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!" collection. Oh, no, this isn't Cousin Ryan's. It's Cousin Allison's. I've been wearing women's clothes for the last three days.
Chuck: It's cool, baby Mike. Man, woman, we're all just energy.

Frankie: [v.o.] You know that expression, "Where there's a will, there's a way"? Well, Brick may have had the will to play the field, but he didn't necessarily have the way.
Brick: Hi, there. Brick Heck. I'm currently available for a relationship. Here's my résumé. Take one, pass it down. Peruse at your leisure. I'm a sophomore. That's right, a sophomore. I'm looking forward to the appropriate encounter.
[later, Brick approaches a girl as she sits by her locker:]
Brick: Hello. You seem alone and friendless.
[later, Brick stands outside the women's room:]
Brick: Hi, I noticed you were in there a while. Did you get your period in class, and you weren't prepared? I'm a good listener.

Sue: I am a finalist for the scholarship!
Frankie: [gasps] Oh, my God.
Mike: What scholarship?
Sue: They're interviewing the top 25 people, and I'm one of them. They think I have a "quality." Can you believe it? I have a "quality"! So, the CEO guy is going to be Skyping me tomorrow night our time because he's overseas. [gasps] Oh, I am Skyping someone overseas! Yeah. Things are happening for me! Oh, how could I ever doubt myself? How could I doubt my posters? You know, I will reach for the stars. I will hang in there, kitty. I will go out on a lim... [falls] Aah!
Frankie: Ooh!
Sue: I'm okay.

Axl: What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Frankie: Looking for you. Why weren't you in the ditch? The dot says you're in the ditch.
Axl: What? Oh, my God. Are you tracking us? This is such an invasion of privacy. This is America. I could sue you.
Frankie: How did you know where we were?
Sue: Axl's been tracking you on his phone for years. He's also the reason the lunch meat goes down so fast.
Axl: Okay, yes, but as the oldest child, it is my responsibility to keep tabs on you guys. As people get older, they wander off. The real lesson here is you still don't trust us. I thought we settled this. I said, "Whatever."