Blanche: Oh, that man is slime.
Dorothy: Pond scum.
Rose: Flugenachen.
Dorothy: What?
Rose: Flugenachen. It's Scandinavian for someone who docks his boat in a handicapped slip.

Dorothy: Rose, why don't we just show Mr. Vaughn around the theatre?
Blanche: Well, why don't I do that myself because I've had the most experience performing here.
Dorothy: Blanche, the parking lot doesn't count.

Blanche: And we just want you to know how excited we are that an artist of your stature is going to be performing in our little theatre.
Patrick Vaughn: Ladies, there are no small theatres, no small parts, only small actors.
Rose: Like Herve Villechaize.
Patrick Vaughn: I was speaking metaphorically.
Rose: Oh, please go on. That's such a beautiful language.

Blanche: Well, this year, we just happen to have gotten a real actor. A star of incredible magnitude. Oh, Dorothy. The Miami Community Players are gonna have the extraordinary experience of working with none other than the incandescent Mr. Patrick Vaughn.
Dorothy: [breathless] Patrick Vaughn? Oh, my God. Oh, he is my all-time favorite TV actor. Oh, I cannot believe I am actually going to meet Patrick Vaughn. Oh, I've had a crush on him for years. He is the sexiest actor on TV.
Rose: I hate to admit it, but he melts my Haagen-Dazs.
Dorothy: Rose, you tramp.

Patrick Vaughn: The moon is hanging awful low in the sky tonight, isn't it, Busty? Josie.
Blanche: It sure is, Biff.
Patrick Vaughn: It makes me want to kiss you, Jose.
Blanche: Oh, mind your manners, Biff. Why, we at the 4th of July picnic. The whole town is here.
Patrick Vaughn: To hell with this town. Come away with me.
Blanche: But you're a drifter, Biff. I can't just pull up stakes and run off with you.
Patrick Vaughn: Please reconsider, Josie. You're the prettiest girl in the county. I need to have your answer now. What's it gonna be?
Blanche: I want you to take me, Biff. [As they hug, Blanche's breasts begin to deflate] Oh. Oh.
Patrick Vaughn: Blanche, I am sorry. I'm afraid I popped your bosom.
Blanche: Don't you worry about a thing, Patrick. My backup pair can take a lot more punishment.

Dorothy: Why are you wearing a raincoat? It's 80 degrees outside.
Sophia: I had a chill.
Dorothy: I have another question.Are you wearing a sabre under your coat?
Sophia: Yeah, I think it is. I'll see you later.
Dorothy: Ma, take off the coat. Ma, did you forget to take your blood pressure medicine again?
Sophia: I've got a job over at Captain Jack's Seafood Shanty.
Dorothy: Why?
Sophia: I need money.
Dorothy: I give you money.
Sophia: Big deal, you give me an allowance. Who do I look like, Dennis the Menace?

Dorothy: Look, Ma, you're 81. Now, working all day in a fast food place is too much for you. I absolutely forbid it.
Sophia: Really, warden? And what are you going to do, send me back to that crumby home?
Dorothy: Ma, Shady Pines happens to be a beautiful retirement village.
Sophia: Yeah, right. And Morley Safer just happened to wander in there by mistake.

Rose: Dorothy, we have great news.
Blanche: You are never going to guess who we have got to star in this year's production at the Community Theatre.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, please. You say that every year. And every year, we end up with Miami's answer to Meryl Streep. Phyllis Hammerow. She stinks.
Rose: Oh, I thought she was terrific last year in The Diary Of Anne Frank.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose. Please. During the entire second act, the audience kept yelling, "She's in the attic. She's in the attic."

Rose: Sophia. Is that a Captain Jack's Seafood Shanty uniform you're wearing?
Sophia: No, Rose. I'm off to discover the Strait of Magellan. Yo ho.

Rose: Dorothy, is this a good champagne?
Dorothy: Gee, it's hard to tell. The "two for $7" sticker is covering the year of the vintage.