Stan: You know, last night after Marvin got us bailed out, I went to a bar up the street, and while I was there, it dawned on me. If we use Mitchelson, we're gonna look like the rich slum lords we're not.
Dorothy: Well, then, who are we using?
Stan: Well, as luck would have it, I met somebody at the bar who doesn't have that much experience, but I was very impressed.
Tracy: Boy, Stan, it's jumping out there.
Dorothy: Is this what impressed you?
Stan: Believe me, Dorothy, she's very bright.
Dorothy: Really?
Stan: I'm telling you, we were the only two in the bar who got the jokes on the cocktail napkins.

Lou: [holding a toilet] Plumber.
Dorothy: Could I see some identification? Come on in.
Lou: So you two are the proud parents of the new Dolan Standard Lowboy.
Dorothy: Yes, we're sending out engraved announcements.
Lou: You probably want to get her operational as soon as possible. After all, she's quite a showpiece. Where do I install it?
Dorothy: Well, actually, Lou, we're going to install her ourselves. Follow me.
Lou: Hold it. You're not serious?
Rose: Why not?
Lou: Well, ladies, the installation of a toilet's a very delicate procedure. You got to go to school, you got to be a trained technician. You got to be a man, for God's sakes!
Dorothy: You know, to tell you the truth, Lou, women are capable of more than just cleaning these things.
Lou: Is that so? Well, as long as you ladies are playing plumber, why don't you play moving man, too?
Dorothy: Fine, fine, we will!

Sophia: Was that a plumber?
Dorothy: No, Ma, no. It was a little girl selling Girl Scout toilets.

Stan: Hello, Mama Bear. Papa Bear's back in the cave.
Dorothy: I could vomit just looking at you.

Dorothy: Well, I know what I'd say if a man asked me to sail around the world.
Sophia: Please. You can't get anybody to ask you out for coffee. Sail around the world. That'll be the day. Like there's a line waiting around the block. We'll have to install one of those ticket machines like they have at the bakery. Around the world, yeah!
Dorothy: I get the picture, Ma!

Dorothy: Oh, my God. If they want to make spies talk, they should force them to grade junior-high English essays. Kids today can't write the English language. "The characters in The Grapes of Wrath are so real that it's interesting."
Rose: Weren't they?

Blanche: I just can't get over it.
Rose: Over what?
Dorothy: San Juan Hill, Rose. Over the fact that her father had an affair with her mammy.

Dorothy: I think you should go for it. See it through. Blanche, so many times you drop somebody without ever knowing what it could turn into. Sometimes you have to take a chance.
Blanche: I just don't know if I'm ready for that kind of risk.
Dorothy: A little risk only heightens the thrill. It's like making love in an airplane lavatory, where you know it's wrong because the guy you're with really should be at the controls. Well, it was just an example. Who are you to judge me?

Dorothy: Blanche, this guy has gone past being a challenge. He is really treating you very badly.
Blanche: Dorothy, you'll see. I'm just reeling him in.
Dorothy: Blanche, look, I usually don't talk to you about the men you date.
Blanche: Nor do I talk to you about the men you date. Oh, ha-ha. Listen to me. I made a joke.
Dorothy: Blanche, this is no laughing matter. How can you take this kind of abuse?
Blanche: Abuse? I'll have you know he has never raised a hand to me.
Dorothy: Verbal abuse, Blanche.
Blanche: He talks like that all the time. I just don't pay any attention.
Dorothy: Blanche, you're making excuses for him.

Dorothy: Sea of Tranquility, come to Mama. Lunar module, you're out of here! Yah! That's it! Yes! Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ho-ho.
Sophia: It's just a puzzle, Dorothy. You didn't make this much noise on your wedding night.