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‘Rose's Big Adventure’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Golden Girls: Rose's Big Adventure

322. Rose's Big Adventure

Aired March 12, 1988

Rose tries to light a fire under her recently-retired boyfriend who's turned into a couch potato. Meanwhile, Sophia helps Dorothy and Blanche liaise with an Italian architect to build a spare bedroom in the garage.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: I don't know what to do. I'm gonna have to sleep on it.
Sophia: "Sleep on it." Men. Sex. All I do is listen to your sexual problems. How about my sexual problems?
Dorothy: Ma, what is your sexual problem?
Sophia: I don't get any. And I read in a magazine where a woman is at her sexual peak at 83.
Blanche: Sophia, I read that same article. Honey, it was 33.
Sophia: Really? Then all those feelings I've been having lately must be colitis.

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Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Dorothy, that was the last contractor in the book.
Dorothy: Oh, I just don't care. I am so fed up with all of these people, I'm ready to give up.
Blanche: Dorothy, you can't give up. You're no quitter. Why just think of the many times you have been dumped by a man. Did you quit dating? No, ma'am. You sank even lower, scraping the bottom of the barrel, facing certain humiliation. And why?
Dorothy: Thanks, Blanche. I get the point.
Blanche: No, I mean it, Dorothy. Why?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, for crying out loud, where is he now? This remodeling job is never going to be finished.
Blanche: Dorothy, relax. He'll be back.
Sophia: Who wants him back? The man's a thief. I haven't seen a crime like this in a garage since the St.
Valentine's Day Massacre.
Dorothy: Ma, you did not see the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.
Sophia: Oh, yeah, right. I was at the movies that day. All day.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Well, Dorothy, what are we gonna do now?
Dorothy: I don't know. This is such a mess.
Blanche: Well, seems to me we have two choices: One, we can beg Ernie's forgiveness; or two, we can find another contractor.
Sophia: Or three, the Sicilian method: Torch the garage, collect the insurance, and build a summer house with a view of the ocean. Personally, I like number three.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Ernie, this is a serious matter. We have a lot of family coming in a few weeks and you promised us it would be finished.
Ernie: Mrs. Devereaux, please, do you want it fast, or do you want it good?
Sophia: Before you answer that, Blanche, he's talking about a guest room.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Now that Al's retired, we'll have so much time together.
Blanche: He's pretty special to you, isn't he?
Rose: Oh, he's more than special. I think I'm falling for him. But then who wouldn't? He's sensitive, he's caring. And he thinks I'm neater than hard salami.
Dorothy: Did he actually tell you that, Rose?
Rose: I shouldn't have repeated it. It was said in a moment of passion.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: We'll start with the simplest of jobs.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Installing the window.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Dorothy, you hold the window in place.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Rose will do the hammering.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Blanche, you'll do the screwing. And he came up with that one on his own. I swear.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Who wants some?
Dorothy: Rose, if these had been offered to the Donner Party, they still would have eaten each other.
Rose: Don't be silly, Dorothy. They're delicious. You just have to know how to eat them. You hold your nose with one hand and pop a krispie in your mouth with the other. Mm-mm! That tastes like cheesecake, fresh strawberries and chocolate ice cream.
Blanche: Mm. My gosh, you're right. That is the best thing I have ever tasted.
Dorothy: Oh, this is delicious.
[Sophia walks into the kitchen as Dorothy, Blanche and Rose are pinching their noses]
Sophia: Hey, give me a break. You can't smell that from the hall.

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: Here they are, Dorothy. Vincenzo's new work crew.
Dorothy: Looks like the road company of Cocoon.
Sophia: Have a little respect. These are all masters of their crafts.
Rose: Hi, girls. Who are these old men?
Dorothy: The Osmond Brothers, Rose. The years without Donny have not been kind to them.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Have you decided what to do about Al?
Rose: No. I'm just as confused as ever.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Vincenzo says he thinks he has a solution to your problem.
Rose: Really? Well, translate for me, Sophia.
Sophia: Well, I'm a little bit rusty, but I think he said, "Picture it: Sicily 1939. The war is on. A promising young architect is offered a job to spearhead construction of a new wing at the Vatican."
Dorothy: Wait a minute, Ma. You say your Italian is rusty, but you know the word for "spearhead"?
Sophia: It was my brother's nickname for a while as a child. Anyway, the young man is torn. Taking the train to Rome means running the risk of enemy bombs. But staying home means passing up a chance to make history!
Dorothy: Boy, he certainly packs a lot of meaning into a few words.
Sophia: Aw, shut up! In the end, he chooses safety. It's a decision he still regrets half a century later. His conclusion: Life without risk is no life at all.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Sophia, did Vincenzo really say all that?
Sophia: Of course not. He's a carpenter. I'm a philosopher. He said he wants everyone out of the garage until the work is completed.
Dorothy: But why?
Sophia: Because to an old guy with cataracts, you two look like Swedish stewardesses. Old age can play a lot of cruel jokes.

Quote from Blanche

Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Drill a toggle bolt, anchor with a 5/16th bit, and miter-cut the quarter-inch plywood after you attach the studs.
Blanche: The only thing I recognized in there was "studs."

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: If we don't start seeing results, you are out of here.
Ernie: Do you know it's hard to find a good contractor?
Dorothy: Yes, and you're living proof.
Blanche: Ernie, she didn't mean that. She just got up on the wrong side of a cold, lonely, empty bed.
Ernie: Good-looking lady like her sleeps alone? I'm shocked.
Sophia: You're letting a man with taste like that remodel our garage?

Quote from Rose

Rose: Pour some champagne. We're celebrating Al's retirement.
Dorothy: So you finally went through with it?
Al: Yep. I finally called it quits at the deli. Sold it all. Lox, stock and barrel. Get it? "Lox."
Rose: He made up that joke yesterday, but it's just as funny now as it was then.
Dorothy: Some jokes are timeless.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Ernie. Listen to me, and listen good. If you walk out that door now, you can forget about coming back. I sound like I'm on Ryan's Hope.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: [on the phone] I'm sorry, but that's more than we're willing to spend for a guest room. Yes, I do know the expression, "You get what you pay for." I also know the expression, "There's a sucker born every minute." Oh, yes, I- I do know that expression, too. [hangs up]

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Everybody, this is Vincenzo.
Dorothy: Ma, who is Vincenzo?
Sophia: Who he is doesn't matter. It's who he used to be. Thirty years ago, this man was one of Italy's foremost architects, respected the world over, creator of some of Europe's most beautiful cathedrals. Isn't that right, Vincenzo?
Vincenzo: [mumbles, chuckles]
Sophia: Today, he's a pathetic shell of a man who spends all day looking up women's dresses. Relax. He doesn't speak a word of English. Watch. Vincenzo?
Vincenzo: Eh?
Sophia: You're a wrinkled old pervert, right?
Vincenzo: [laughs approvingly]

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Wait. What does he want to charge us?
Sophia: I'll ask him. Vincenzo, quanto costa?
Vincenzo: Costa? Oh. Gratis. Gratis. [Speaking in Italian]]
Sophia: He says he'll do it for nothing. He likes getting away from the center, he likes working, and most all he likes being in the company of pretty young girls.
Dorothy: Oh, well. Since he puts it that way, how can we refuse? It's a deal.
Sophia: Good. Now here's a list of the pretty young girls he wants you to get for him.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Al, we have to talk.
Al: Can't it wait till after Moonlighting? There's a special episode on tonight. It's only been rerun three times.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Al, what has gotten into you lately? Before you retired, you were the most active man I ever knew. I had to run to keep up with you. Now you're nothing but a couch potato. You should do more, Al. You've earned it. Isn't there one thing you've always dreamed of doing?
Al: I always dreamed of retiring.
Rose: I just don't want you to wake up one day and think that you've missed the opportunity to do something great.
Al: Rose, it sounds like you're maybe just bored with me. Look, let's take a rain check on tonight, okay? I'm feeling kind of tired anyway. I'll call you tomorrow.

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