Rose: I don't know what to do. I'm gonna have to sleep on it.
Sophia: "Sleep on it." Men. Sex. All I do is listen to your sexual problems. How about my sexual problems?
Dorothy: Ma, what is your sexual problem?
Sophia: I don't get any. And I read in a magazine where a woman is at her sexual peak at 83.
Blanche: Sophia, I read that same article. Honey, it was 33.
Sophia: Really? Then all those feelings I've been having lately must be colitis.

Blanche: Dorothy, that was the last contractor in the book.
Dorothy: Oh, I just don't care. I am so fed up with all of these people, I'm ready to give up.
Blanche: Dorothy, you can't give up. You're no quitter. Why just think of the many times you have been dumped by a man. Did you quit dating? No, ma'am. You sank even lower, scraping the bottom of the barrel, facing certain humiliation. And why?
Dorothy: Thanks, Blanche. I get the point.
Blanche: No, I mean it, Dorothy. Why?

Dorothy: Oh, for crying out loud, where is he now? This remodeling job is never going to be finished.
Blanche: Dorothy, relax. He'll be back.
Sophia: Who wants him back? The man's a thief. I haven't seen a crime like this in a garage since the St.
Valentine's Day Massacre.
Dorothy: Ma, you did not see the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.
Sophia: Oh, yeah, right. I was at the movies that day. All day.

Rose: Well, Dorothy, what are we gonna do now?
Dorothy: I don't know. This is such a mess.
Blanche: Well, seems to me we have two choices: One, we can beg Ernie's forgiveness; or two, we can find another contractor.
Sophia: Or three, the Sicilian method: Torch the garage, collect the insurance, and build a summer house with a view of the ocean. Personally, I like number three.

Blanche: Ernie, this is a serious matter. We have a lot of family coming in a few weeks and you promised us it would be finished.
Ernie: Mrs. Devereaux, please, do you want it fast, or do you want it good?
Sophia: Before you answer that, Blanche, the man's talking about a guest room.

Rose: Who wants some?
Dorothy: Rose, if these had been offered to the Donner Party, they still would have eaten each other.
Rose: Don't be silly, Dorothy. They're delicious. You just have to know how to eat them. You hold your nose with one hand and pop a krispie in your mouth with the other. Mm-mm! That tastes like cheesecake, fresh strawberries and chocolate ice cream.
Blanche: Mm. My gosh, you're right. That is the best thing I have ever tasted.
Dorothy: Oh, this is delicious.
[Sophia walks into the kitchen as Dorothy, Blanche and Rose are pinching their noses]
Sophia: Hey, give me a break. You can't smell that from the hall.

Rose: Now that Al's retired, we'll have so much time together.
Blanche: He's pretty special to you, isn't he?
Rose: Oh, he's more than special. I think I'm falling for him. But then who wouldn't? He's sensitive, he's caring. And he thinks I'm neater than hard salami.
Dorothy: Did he actually tell you that, Rose?
Rose: I shouldn't have repeated it. It was said in a moment of passion.

Sophia: We'll start with the simplest of jobs.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Installing the window.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Dorothy, you hold the window in place.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Rose will do the hammering.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Blanche, you'll do the screwing. And he came up with that one on his own. I swear.

Sophia: Here they are, Dorothy. Vincenzo's new work crew.
Dorothy: Looks like the road company of Cocoon.
Sophia: Have a little respect. These are all masters of their crafts.
Rose: Hi, girls. Who are these old men?
Dorothy: The Osmond Brothers, Rose. The years without Donny have not been kind to them.

Blanche: Have you decided what to do about Al?
Rose: No. I'm just as confused as ever.
Vincenzo: [Italian]
Sophia: Vincenzo says he thinks he has a solution to your problem.
Rose: Really? Well, translate for me, Sophia.
Sophia: Well, I'm a little bit rusty, but I think he said, "Picture it: Sicily 1939. The war is on. A promising young architect is offered a job to spearhead construction of a new wing at the Vatican."
Dorothy: Wait a minute, Ma. You say your Italian is rusty, but you know the word for "spearhead"?
Sophia: It was my brother's nickname for a while as a child. Anyway, the young man is torn. Taking the train to Rome means running the risk of enemy bombs. But staying home means passing up a chance to make history!
Dorothy: Boy, he certainly packs a lot of meaning into a few words.
Sophia: Aw, shut up! In the end, he chooses safety. It's a decision he still regrets half a century later. His conclusion: Life without risk is no life at all.