Blanche: I just love libraries.
Dorothy: You do?
Blanche: Oh, I've loved books since I was a child. Although I certainly did grow up around some ignorant people. Do you know what horrible thing the folks in my neck of the woods did once when I was a youngun?
Dorothy: You mean besides using phrases like "neck of the woods" and "youngun"?
Blanche: They burned books. The townspeople made a big pile of 'em in front of the library and they threw a torch on top. Only Big Daddy was outraged. He fought his way through that crowd, clawed his way to the top of that pile, grabbed that lit torch and turned to that crowd and said, "What are you people doing? This is lunacy. Ya start a fire from the bottom."

Blanche: Rose, Ted's coming over later, and I just don't want that dog making a big mess. He's already been into my personal things.
Rose: Well, maybe we should get him some rubber toys.
Blanche: They do seem to be his preference.

Ted: I don't believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Blanche: Blanche Devereaux never goes out with another woman's husband. Oh, except for that one time. Now, that was not my fault. She was pronounced dead. Those paramedics never give up.

Blanche: Dorothy, you could be my chaperone.
Dorothy: Oh, please.
Blanche: No, I'm serious. You're the perfect third wheel. I don't mean that in a negative way. I just mean you make men uncomfortable. It's a gift. Don't waste it. Well, as long as you don't mean it in a negative way. Oh, of course not. You know, growing up in the South-
Dorothy: God, here it comes! The honeysuckle, mint juleps, three-legged dogs, you and Opie and Floyd and the barbershop. Blanche, get to the point.

Dorothy: Well, of course I had a pet. Remember, Ma? I was six years old, and I wanted a pony?
Sophia: Not the pony thing again.
Dorothy: She promised me a pony. She swore I'd get a pony. She brings me a little paper bird on a stick from the circus. The kind you have to twirl around your head to get them to tweet.
Rose: And that was your pet?
Sophia: They're very clean.
Dorothy: Then she tells me if I'm a good girl, a really good girl, God will turn that paper bird into a real one, which I believed, because why would a mother lie? So every day, I'm being very good and praying and looking for any sign of life and becoming very attached to that ridiculous paper bird. So you can imagine my heartbreak when one morning I find it dead.
Rose: How does a paper bird die?
Dorothy: Good question. Someone used it to restart the pilot light.

Dorothy: Blanche, tell us about your date last night.
Blanche: All I can tell you is Mr. Ted Tanner is quite a man. Quite a man. He suits me to a "g."
Rose: [chuckles] You mean to a "t."
Dorothy: No, I don't think so, Rose.

Dorothy: My mother talked me into getting her the new Stephen King.
Librarian: Well, we do have the one that came out last Tuesday.
Dorothy: As long as it's not about some little creature who finds new and inventive ways of terrorizing a household. It's for my mother. I don't wanna give her any ideas.

Blanche: Now, let me get this right. Dinner at your place tonight? What kind of girl do you think I am, and how could you tell so fast?

Sophia: Please! Just because a man's in a wheelchair doesn't mean he can't satisfy a woman.
Dorothy: What do you know about this, Ma?
Sophia: Picture it Sicily, 1914. A man in a wheelchair satisfies a woman. It's a short story, but I think it makes my point.

Rose: I'll be right back. Say hello to the newest member of our family.
Sophia: Oh, great, we gotta live with a sad-eyed, hyperactive nuisance with the intelligence of a squeaky toy.
And now she's got a dog.