Blanche: Well, I just hate myself for feeling this way, but I don't want to be a mother again. I mean, it was a wonderful experience at the time, but I always thought this part of my life was supposed to be for me.
Dorothy: Honey, I understand exactly how you feel. I feel the same way. You know, at our age we should be grandmothers, not mothers. Once a week, the grandchildren come over for a visit. You cook them dinner, they spill it on the furniture. They hide under your bed. You hurt yourself looking for them. They ask you what those spots on your hands are. They tell you they love you and then just before total exhaustion sets in, they go home and become their mother's problems.

Rose: You're a wonderful plumber's assistant, Dorothy. Boy, you sure know your way around a snake.
Dorothy: I've had a lot of experience. After all, I was married to one for 38 years.

Rose: Oh, Dorothy, you scared me. What are you doing up so late?
Dorothy: Honey, do you know what's behind that wall that you're banging on?
Rose: A lateral fusion pipe.
Dorothy: And do you know what's on the other side of that lateral fusion pipe?
Rose: No.
Dorothy: My head!

Plumber: I wouldn't bother getting another estimate. For that bathroom repair, that's the lowest you'll see.
Dorothy: Are you kidding? This is the highest I've seen.
Rose: $3,000!
Plumber: Hey, ladies, hire whoever you like, but I'm an expert. I can take a toilet apart blindfolded.
Dorothy: Now there's a dying art. What's your point?
Plumber: The point is, a lot of things can go wrong. Wood rot, loose plaster, cracked pipes.
Dorothy: Crooked plumbers.
Plumber: Lady, what are you trying to say?
Dorothy: Get out.
Plumber: All right. All right. I guess you ladies are going into your feminist phase a little late in life. Oh, I'll go. You'll call me back. You know why? Because as we say in the plumbing game- [Dorothy slams the door]

Dorothy: The nerve of that man, trying to intimidate us. I mean, he must really think we're stupid.
Rose: Really stupid! How could we possibly need three dozen spud gaskets?
Dorothy: What are spud gaskets?
Rose: That what goes on the end of a hose bib. We couldn't need more than a dozen at most.
Dorothy: Rose, how do you know about this?
Rose: Oh, I know a lot about plumbing. We always did our own plumbing on the farm. 'course, we didn't actually get plumbing till I was 18.

Dorothy: Rose, tell me something. How difficult would it be for us to repair that bathroom ourselves?
Rose: Well, it wouldn't be difficult at all.
Dorothy: Oh forget it, forget it. It's a crazy idea.
Sophia: You got that right. You're not a mechanical person, Dorothy. You never were. For the first three months of your life, you tried to breast-feed off my cameo.

Blanche: It's just so hard to dress for these dates with Richard. I never know where we'll end up.
Dorothy: Oh, come on now, Blanche. Even the paperboy knows where you'll end up.

Blanche: He said that tomorrow, he wants to introduce me to his family. If that is not the last step before a marriage proposal, I don't know what is.
Dorothy: Oh, that is wonderful!
Blanche: Girls, I'm so excited! Just imagine being Richard's wife. I would be married to a gorgeous, intelligent man. I'd be living like a queen!
Sophia: Think about it in your room, Your Highness. I need to use the throne.

Rose: We're right on schedule. We ought to have that toilet tank in by sundown.
Dorothy: By sundown, by sundown! Oh, this is such fun!
Rose: I know.
Dorothy: This is so exciting. This is so depressing. Oh, it's Saturday night, I'm all nervous and jumpy because in a few hours, there will be a handsome new toilet at my door.

Sophia: What's going on here? I walk into the bathroom, and instead of a toilet, there's a hole in the ground.
For a minute, I thought I was back in Sicily.
Rose: Sophia, I'm sure Blanche wouldn't mind if you use her bathroom.
Sophia: I hate that bathroom. There's plants everywhere and flowers on the toilet seat cover. I feel like I'm going in the woods.