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‘Second Motherhood’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Second Motherhood

119. Second Motherhood

Aired February 15, 1986

Blanche accepts a proposal from a wealthy man she's been dating, but isn't sure whether she can take on his young children too. Meanwhile, Dorothy and Rose attempt to fit a toilet.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Well, I just hate myself for feeling this way, but I don't want to be a mother again. I mean, it was a wonderful experience at the time, but I always thought this part of my life was supposed to be for me.
Dorothy: Honey, I understand exactly how you feel. I feel the same way. You know, at our age we should be grandmothers, not mothers. Once a week, the grandchildren come over for a visit. You cook them dinner, they spill it on the furniture. They hide under your bed. You hurt yourself looking for them. They ask you what those spots on your hands are. They tell you they love you and then just before total exhaustion sets in, they go home and become their mother's problems.

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Quote from Dorothy

Rose: You're a wonderful plumber's assistant, Dorothy. Boy, you sure know your way around a snake.
Dorothy: I've had a lot of experience. After all, I was married to one for 38 years.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Oh, Dorothy, you scared me. What are you doing up so late?
Dorothy: Honey, do you know what's behind that wall that you're banging on?
Rose: A lateral fusion pipe.
Dorothy: And do you know what's on the other side of that lateral fusion pipe?
Rose: No.
Dorothy: My head!

Quote from Dorothy

Plumber: I wouldn't bother getting another estimate. For that bathroom repair, that's the lowest you'll see.
Dorothy: Are you kidding? This is the highest I've seen.
Rose: $3,000!
Plumber: Hey, ladies, hire whoever you like, but I'm an expert. I can take a toilet apart blindfolded.
Dorothy: Now there's a dying art. What's your point?
Plumber: The point is, a lot of things can go wrong. Wood rot, loose plaster, cracked pipes.
Dorothy: Crooked plumbers.
Plumber: Lady, what are you trying to say?
Dorothy: Get out.
Plumber: All right. All right. I guess you ladies are going into your feminist phase a little late in life. Oh, I'll go. You'll call me back. You know why? Because as we say in the plumbing game- [Dorothy slams the door]

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: The nerve of that man, trying to intimidate us. I mean, he must really think we're stupid.
Rose: Really stupid! How could we possibly need three dozen spud gaskets?
Dorothy: What are spud gaskets?
Rose: That what goes on the end of a hose bib. We couldn't need more than a dozen at most.
Dorothy: Rose, how do you know about this?
Rose: Oh, I know a lot about plumbing. We always did our own plumbing on the farm. 'course, we didn't actually get plumbing till I was 18.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Rose, tell me something. How difficult would it be for us to repair that bathroom ourselves?
Rose: Well, it wouldn't be difficult at all.
Dorothy: Oh forget it, forget it. It's a crazy idea.
Sophia: You got that right. You're not a mechanical person, Dorothy. You never were. For the first three months of your life, you tried to breast-feed off my cameo.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: It's just so hard to dress for these dates with Richard. I never know where we'll end up.
Dorothy: Oh, come on now, Blanche. Even the paperboy knows where you'll end up.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: He said that tomorrow, he wants to introduce me to his family. If that is not the last step before a marriage proposal, I don't know what is.
Dorothy: Oh, that is wonderful!
Blanche: Girls, I'm so excited! Just imagine being Richard's wife. I would be married to a gorgeous, intelligent man. I'd be living like a queen!
Sophia: Think about it in your room, Your Highness. I need to use the throne.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: We're right on schedule. We ought to have that toilet tank in by sundown.
Dorothy: By sundown, by sundown! Oh, this is such fun!
Rose: I know.
Dorothy: This is so exciting. This is so depressing. Oh, it's Saturday night, I'm all nervous and jumpy because in a few hours, there will be a handsome new toilet at my door.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: What's going on here? I walk into the bathroom, and instead of a toilet, there's a hole in the ground.
For a minute, I thought I was back in Sicily.
Rose: Sophia, I'm sure Blanche wouldn't mind if you use her bathroom.
Sophia: I hate that bathroom. There's plants everywhere and flowers on the toilet seat cover. I feel like I'm going in the woods.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: No, honey, she won't budge. I don't think we're going to be able to move it.
Rose: Dorothy, if the Egyptians built the pyramids, now, we can move this toilet.
Dorothy: Fine, get me 20,000 Hebrews and I'll have it out of here in no time.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Blanche, honey, calm down. Let's talk it out. You'll feel better.
Blanche: Oh, there's nothing to talk about. I already know what both of you are gonna say. Dorothy will say he's too good to give up over something like this and she'd marry him. And you'll say he's been nothing but trouble from the start and you wouldn't marry him.
Rose: I'd marry him!
Dorothy: Oh, I wouldn't.
Blanche: What?
Dorothy: Well, no! I don't want to be a mother again either.
Rose: Oh, I'd love to be a mother again.
Dorothy: Scrubbing socks, picking up toys?
Rose: Tucking in beds, packing healthy lunches.
Dorothy: Phone calls, pajama parties?
Rose: Dance recitals, baseball games.
Dorothy: Cooking?
Rose: Singing.
Dorothy: Worrying?
Rose: Praying.

Quote from Rose

Rose: What about the good things, like Mother's Day? Oh, the Mother's Days we used to have on the farm. First of all, the kids would wake me up by brushing our cat, Mr. McTavish, against my ear. Then they'd give me breakfast in bed, Belgian waffles and buttermilk. And then they'd paint faces on their socks and do a little puppet show called "Elf Kingdom."
Dorothy: And then everybody would tickle each other until the whole family was throwing up together.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy, I got to talk to you. I owe you a big apology.
Dorothy: For what, Ma?
Sophia: For what I said before. About you not knowing a thing about plumbing. Dorothy, you're a genius.
Dorothy: Ma, wait a minute. What are you talking about?
Sophia: I walk into the living room and there's a toilet in front of the television set. It's an old lady's dream come true!

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Well, I hardly ever see Richard. Today was the third time this week he's had a last-minute meeting and I had to spend the day with the kids.
Dorothy: He's a busy man.
Blanche: Too busy. Even little Richard came up to me and said, "Now, don't worry. This happens all the time."
Rose: Little Richard was in Bermuda?
Dorothy: Yes, Rose. He was burying Fats Domino in the sand.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Dorothy, do you want to do the honors?
Dorothy: Maybe later. In private.
Rose: No, I mean fasten the floor flange. That's all we have left to do.
Dorothy: No, honey, you go ahead. Later, I'll break a bottle of champagne over the flush valve.


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