Dorothy: Now, Blanche, I know you find Rex alluring, but, honey, I know where you're headed. I mean, I was once in an abusive relationship.
Sophia: Hey, Stan was a yutz, but when was he abusive?
Dorothy: Not Stan. I've had relationships with other men.
Sophia: Oh, yeah, the evil pen pal. So, what did Koo Duk Kim say in his letters that hurt my little girl?
Dorothy: No, it was in high school. Michael Tortelli, remember? Captain of the football team. Oh, he was beautiful. Black wavy hair. Strong Roman nose. And he could read.
Sophia: Oh, him.
Dorothy: He was always putting me down. Made me feel like I had no self-worth.

Blanche: You just watch your mouth, Rose. I may be a social person, but I am certainly discerning.
Rose: Discerning? Blanche, you've been under more drunken sailors than... Than...
Dorothy: Oh, now, Rose, don't drag me into this. A nautical toilet.

Dorothy: I hate this. I am not good at firing people. I've never been good at confrontations.
Rose: How about when you made that cop cry?
Dorothy: Then he wasn't much of a cop, was he?

Blanche: Look, Rose, I have calculated the cost of this hot tub right down to the last penny. I cannot afford any useless permits. Now, if he insists I have to have them, it's gonna be on your head. Period!
Rose: Well, I can't believe she said that. Exclamation point.
Dorothy: Well, who's to say? Question mark, new paragraph... What the hell am I saying?

Dorothy: You know, I always hoped my mother would meet a nice couple.

Rose: Girls, I did it again. I won another giveaway.
Dorothy: Oh, what did you win this time? A vasectomy?

Dorothy: Well, what do you think?
Blanche: I think you're my best friend, so let's change the subject.
Rose: I think it's beautiful. It's exactly what I would have picked.
Dorothy: That settles it. It goes back tomorrow.

Dorothy: Could we back that up a second? Who is Mrs. Contini? What do you mean "matching us up"?
Jack: You know, Mrs. Contini, the matchmaker who brought us together. I realize the process is hopelessly old-fashioned, but it's a lot more personal than those video-dating services, don't you think?
Dorothy: I'm afraid there's been a terrible mistake. I think you'd better go.
Jack: W-Wait. C-Can I see you again?
Dorothy: Probably not. I will be at the Florida State Women's Prison.
Jack: The one in Jacksonville? They used to come to our dances. Why are you going there?
Dorothy: Murder.