Rose: We're doing Sound of Music, and Blanche didn't get the lead.
Dorothy: Oh, I can't believe you weren't cast in the lead role. You've gotten it the past five years in a row.
Blanche: Well, they hired a new director, and he has no taste.
Rose: Blanche used to sleep with the old one. The new director's gay.
Blanche: A gay theater director. Did you ever hear of such a thing?
Dorothy: It's absolutely shocking. Next thing you know they'll have black basketball players in the NBA.

Angelo: Dorothy!
Dorothy: Uncle Angelo, it is so good to see you.
Angelo: Dorothy, you know something? You look more beautiful now than you did on your wedding day.
Stan: You just used up all 50 Hail Marys on that one.
Angelo: Stanley, you're still a funny guy. You got a sense of humor still, huh? He still make you laugh like he used to?
Dorothy: Well, not really. But then again, I haven't seen him naked lately.

Blanche: I wish I'd taken my raincoat.
Dorothy: Why are you two dressed like that?
Blanche: Well, these are our costumes for the play, Dorothy. We were in the middle of dress rehearsal when they told us all to go home right away.
Rose: There's a hurricane heading for Miami.
Angelo: You know, I think I will take a slice of cake. Hello.
Dorothy: Uncle Angelo, I'd, uh, like you to meet, uh uh...
Rose: I'm Sister Rose.
Angelo: How do you do? Nice to meet you.
Blanche: I'm Sister Blanche.
Angelo: Glad to meet you.
Blanche: We're here, uh, collecting lingerie for needy sexy people.

Stan: I just heard on TV the airports are closed. There's a hurricane headed this way. They want everyone to stay where they are.
Dorothy: That means we could be trapped together for days.
Blanche: Oh, Jesus! Please protect us and watch over us in this our hour of need.
Dorothy: Amen.

Rose: I've never been through a hurricane before.
Blanche: Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of. I've been through a couple of hurricanes. Actually, they could be kind of fun. I remember one when I was married...
Angelo: Married?
Blanche: Mary. When I was Mary in the Christmas pageant at the convent. Remember that, Sister Rose?
Rose: Oh, my, yes. Sister Blanche is quite an actress.
Stan: Yeah, she'd have to be to make anyone believe she was a virgin.

Blanche: Hi, Sophia. Ooh, what you making?
Sophia: Lasagna al forno.
Rose: Smells delicious.
Sophia: Yeah. My great Aunt Nicolinda used to say, "Making lasagna al forno is like crossing a river. If you roll up your pants, don't be surprised if you find clams nipping at your heels."
Rose: What'd she mean by that?
Sophia: How should I know? She was a hopeless alcoholic.

Stan: You remember how I convinced you to let me back in?
Dorothy: No.
Stan: [singing] I've got a Crush on you Sweetie pie All the day and nighttime Hear me sigh.
Dorothy: Oh, Stanley Zbornak, I don't believe that you're trying to charm me.
Stan: Is it working?
Dorothy: I don't think so.
Stan: Then you leave me no choice. I'll have to pull put the big gun.
Dorothy: You're wasting your time, Stanley. I'm familiar with the big gun.

Blanche: I'll get it. [answering phone] Hello. Hi, Walter. How are you? Now, I feel like a caged animal in heat, too. Oh! Walter, you naughty boy. Keep on talking. What am I wearing? Well, to be perfectly honest, a nun's outfit. Oh! That sounds good to me. Uh-huh. I'll be over there just as soon as this storm lets up. Uh-huh. [to Angelo] He's a leper. I'm the only one who'll touch him.

Sophia: I love your toupee, Stanley. Is it new?
Stan: Yeah. The guy at the shop calls it the Dan Rather model. You think it makes me look more intellectual?
Dorothy: Oh, absolutely. By the way, Stanley, your fly is open.
Stan: I'm so embarrassed.
Dorothy: Don't worry about it. I hear that Dan Rather has the same problem. That's why he sits behind a desk.

Stan: Here goes. [singing] Embrace me My sweet embraceable you Embrace me You irreplaceable you
Sophia: Dorothy! Dorothy, I just had a terrible nightmare.
Dorothy: Ma, what was it?
Sophia: This. Break it up. Stanley, think of me as the Berlin Wall. Try to climb over me, and you'll know what barb wire between your legs feels like. Gotcha. Dorothy, how did this start? Cole Porter?
Dorothy: Gershwin.
Sophia: Thank God I came in time.