Beverly: You will never guess who I just saw during my power walk/power sit and eat Sbarro at the mall.
Murray: Tip O'Neill?
Beverly: No.
Murray: Mr. Belvedere?
Beverly: TV character.
Murray: Quick Draw McGraw?
Beverly: Cartoon.
Murray: Waldenbooks?
Beverly: That is a store.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And when that didn't work, Joanne had to resort to the final "P"... public humiliation.
Joanne: Whoa! [laughter] Well, this is embarrassing. But also hilarious. Now you can laugh at me and recognize that sometimes things in life are funny.
Barry: I don't see why it's funny to waste all that Hawaiian Punch. Island people worked hard to squeeze tropical sunshine into every drop.

Adam: You guys said you'd eat some popcorn if I got the big tub. And now my delicate tummy is upset with all of you.
Brea: We told you not to get it.
Adam: It's only 50 cents more for the rodeo barrel.
Barry: Wait. Adam hasn't praised the movie yet. Why aren't you still clapping and/or demanding to see it again?
Adam: Yeah, it was neat.
Barry: "Neat" is something you say after uncomfortably watching your little brother's performance in The King and I.
Adam: How dare you? One critic said my performance was so inappropriate he couldn't look away.

Formica Mike: Hey, there's my work buddy.
Murray: W-What's this one doing here?
Beverly: Murray, that is no way to greet a guest.
Murray: Guest? Like I don't see this guy enough between 10:00 and 3:00?
Erica: Those are your hours? How do you support us?

Beverly: Did you know he's been sleeping at the store?
Murray: He mentioned it. Something about his life falling apart.
Beverly: Do you even listen to people when they talk?
Murray: Fine, I'll ask. What's your deal, Pajama Jim?
Formica Mike: Fran and I are taking a little time apart.
Murray: And now I know.
Erica: Okay, can you guys take your super strong friendship somewhere else? I'm trying to write my vows here.
Formica Mike: Vows? For what?
Erica: My wedding? Wow, you guys really don't talk.
Murray: And that's why we're the fourth-highest-grossing discount furniture store in the township.
Erica: That doesn't seem great.

Beverly: What have you got so far, schmoopy-poo?
Erica: "Dear Geoff. 'G' is for 'good.' 'E' is for 'even better.' 'O' is for 'oh, dang, that's my fella.'"
Beverly: I'm gonna stop you.
Erica: I'm gonna let you.

Adam: Dang it. One piece is missing.
Brea: Uh, we get the gist. It's the green guy from Ghostbusters.
Adam: That's Slimer. He's pure ectoplasm, and he's not just a mascot, he's a friend.
Dave Kim: You know, sometimes it's okay to just say, "That's right, Brea."

Barry: Enough small talk. I have an emergency announcement. Joanne and I have been dating for a few months, and I finally found her the perfect gift. The gift of me. [British accent] Barry. Barry Bond. [normal voice] Nephew of James Bond and worldly gentleman super-spy and insatiable and acrobatic lover.
Adam: But those words don't describe you. If anything, you're the opposite of James Bond.
Barry: And you're the opposite of the opposite of James Bond.
Dave Kim: So... James Bond?
Barry: Look, I'm not here to discuss how confusing opposites can get, Dave Kim. I'm here to make great art.

Adam: I'll bite. What are you gonna force us to do? The title is "You Only Die Once or Twice, but Never Three Times"?
Barry: Your parts are highlighted. Brea, you are the femme fatale.
Adam: Why am I wearing a bikini in the Swiss Alps?
Barry: I justify it on page seven. You were born in a Russian genetics lab and you're half polar bear from your father's side.
Dave Kim: I'm Q and Moneypenny?
Barry: So much range. Explosive gadgets and secretarial work.
Adam: And I die in the first scene by being filled with lead then pulled apart by giant magnets?
Barry: It's gruesome, but necessary so I can avenge your idiotic death.
Adam: This is lazy writing.
Barry: I refuse to change a single word.

Beverly: Hello, Murray Goldberg.
Murray: Get out of the papasan.
Beverly: I most certainly will not get out of the papasan. I love the papasan. It is my papa-sanctuary.