Adult Adam: [v.o.] But it turns out there was one person. Her name was Brea Bee. Her acting was so nuanced, so touching, so incredibly soul-wrenching that, at the next rehearsal, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Even that guy was crying.
Ms. Cinoman: [claps] Chills. Clio, Erato, Calliope, your legacy lives on through the scarlet goddess that is Brea Bee.
Adam: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's pump the brakes a little. So she got the sprinklers working. Big deal.
Dave Kim: "Big deal"? That was transcendent. This is going in the article.
Adam: Which article? My article?
Dave Kim: You're still a part of it. [records] Adam Goldberg, what's it like to perform opposite someone who's wildly more talented than you?

Adam: What the hell, Dave Kim?! This article is all about Brea. There's nothing about me in here anywhere.
Dave Kim: Not true. It clearly says "Brea Bee outshines her lesser castmates." See? "Lesser castmates." There you are.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As I watched my shot at stardom fall apart, Barry was doing whatever he could to get Erica and Geoff back together.
Geoff: Oh, man, I can't believe you got me a one-on-one meet-and-greet with Gene Simmons of KISS!
Barry: Hey, when my best friend needs cheering up, it's Big Tasty to the rescue. And you know what? Gene's excited, too. That's why he wants you blindfolded for the big reveal.
Geoff: It's all so unlikely, but Gene is a showman.
Barry: I'm gonna put this trench coat on you.
Geoff: Ooh, fun! Is this part of Gene's plan, too?
Barry: Yep. He also wants you to hold this boom box over your head.
Geoff: He is a glam-rock superstar, so who am I to say no to his every whim?
Barry: Yeah, Bon Jovi's gonna love you.
Geoff: Wait, I thought you said it was Gene Simmons. Jon Bon Jovi's gonna be here, too?!
Barry: Yeah, all your musical fellas. Just let me press play, and I'll get outta your way. Damn it! It's dead. We need 16 "D" batteries, stat.

Erica: What is going on? Geoff? What are you doing here?
Geoff: Damn it, Barry! What did you do?
Barry: Only re-created the most romantic moment in movie history. You're about to "Say Anything" Erica.
Geoff: Why would I do that?
Barry: Movie's the best! John Cusack is a kickboxer who falls in love with a girl who only reads the dictionary. You should see it.
Geoff: I've seen the movie. We've all seen it. I've actually done this exact thing before.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] He really did. And he wasn't the only one. Yeah, at our house, "Say Anything" was pretty much the go-to big, romantic gesture.
Barry: Quite the cultural touchstone. So, is it working? Are you guys back together, and I don't have to live in the Kremps' home?!
Erica: No. Who put that thought in your head?

Beverly: Damn it, Barry, you can't "Say Anything" them. That's been done, like, a lot.
Barry: I know that now, Mother! Just go back inside! I have this under control. I'm gonna get them to Dirty Dance.
Geoff: We've done that, too.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] They sure had.
Erica: I can't believe you, Mom. We're broken up. Why can't you just accept that?
Beverly: Because you love Geoff, and Geoff loves you, and I love you both. I can't just let you throw it all away.
Geoff: I agree. This sucks. And, honestly, I don't even know why it's happening. But I do know I don't want to be here right now.
Erica: You know, this was incredibly selfish, even for you. [window closes]
Barry: [chuckles] One of the batteries was in backwards. That makes all the difference.

Murray: Why are you calling your girlfriend stupid?
Adam: Maybe 'cause she's so much better than I am. I mean, look at her out there. She hasn't said a word yet, and the audience is spellbound.
Murray: You don't want to support your girlfriend? Actors make a lot of money. Lee Majors... two swimming pools and a helicopter.
Adam: I don't care about Lee Majors. I'm consumed by jealousy. I actually considered untying a sandbag and killiing Matt Schernecke, but the knot was too complicated.
Murray: Adam, do you know why I'm here?
Adam: 'Cause Mom sent you.
Murray: Yes. But I'm also here to support you in your big moment. That's what you do for people you love. So, break an egg.
Adam: It's "break a leg."
Murray: I don't care.

Adam: Quickly changing the subject, where is Geoff?
Barry: Unimportant. I wanted you to know I will be showing Joanne just how much she means to me by awarding her my treasured Flyers wear.
Murray: You thought I had to be here for this?
Adam: I'm with Dad. This could've been a phone call.
Beverly: Erica, where's Geoff? I miss his anxious energy.
Barry: Forget about adorable, shy Geoff. Let's talk about Barry and Joanne. Or as we are henceforth known... Bear-Jo.
Murray: Which one's Geoff again?
Beverly: Murray, you know Geoff. He's Erica's cute but non-threatening boyfriend.
Barry: Can everyone just stop obsessing over Erica's ex and focus on me?!
Adam: Did you say "Erica's ex"?
Erica: Barry!

Beverly: Erica Streisand Goldberg, did you and Geoff break up?!
Erica: Okay, yes, but it's more complicated than that.
Beverly: Could you just give me a second?
[cut to a car driving down the street]
Beverly: How could you break up with my beautiful angel baby Erica?!
Geoff: I didn't break up with Erica. It was her idea.
Beverly: Excuse me for a second.
[cut to a car driving back]
Beverly: Why did you break up with my sweet baby angel Geoff?
Erica: This is why I didn't tell you. I knew you would blow this out of proportion.
Beverly: Is it even possible to blow the biggest breakup in the history of the world out of proportion?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was April 14th, 1980-something, and for me and my theater friends, it was a big day... finding out who was cast in our school play.
Ms. Cinoman: As you all know, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? will be the school's first foray into mature theater.
Emmy: Hey, there's only one name up there. Your auditions stunk, like a homemade sauerkraut you make in your tub. I live alone. So what?
Adam: Holy balls! It's my name.
Ms. Cinoman: You wowed me, Adam F. Goldberg, like a young Paul Newman, but more charactery in the face.
Adam: That's for sure an insult, but I don't care. I'm playing George.

Ms. Cinoman: Spread the word. I still need to find someone amazing to play George's wife and the other couple.
Dave Kim: Can we re-audition?
Ms. Cinoman: The producers are going in a different direction, towards talent.
Dave Kim: I clearly heard that.
Ms. Cinoman: Well, then make sure the rest of these duds know.