Adam: It's like we're William Penn royalty. I'm the king of the drama kids, and you're the queen of the athletes and the cool kids and the smart kids... [whistle blows] ...and all the others I'm forgetting.
Brea: Hey, practice is starting, but I'll catch you later, my leading man.
Adam: Till we meet again, my leading lady. Wait! Why don't you audition?
Brea: I don't know. I've never acted before. Although, I once did a skit at sports camp. I played a volleyball named Spike, and when I deflated, one of my coaches cried.
Adam: Ah, sportos are so easily moved. If only theater lovers were as simple. Then again, the challenge of my craft is my craft, you know?
Brea: Uh... no?
Adam: [chuckles] Of course not. Anyway, please try out.
Brea: It would actually be kind of fun to spend some time in your world.
Adam: It is my world, isn't it? And I'm the best of the best. [gets hit in the head by a ball] Ow! Oh!

Murray: Bevy, I know that look in your eyes. Whatever you're thinking, don't do it.
Beverly: She said the decision was difficult. That means there's doubt, which means there's hope. Which means she wants her mama to help her get her man back.
Murray: None of those dots connect.
Beverly: Exactly. All the dots. I'm gonna save their love.

Ms. Cinoman: All right. Today's sides are taken from a play written by yours truly. Brea will be reading the role of Susan Allspice, a mysterious, unappreciated drama teacher, and Adam will be reading the role of Susan's ex, Antoine, a liar who stole her Ford Taurus. A-a-and... begin.
Adam: "Baby doll, once again, I've abused your giving soul and left your car at my bookie's apartment in 'Joisey'. What are you gonna do about it?"
Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, it was clear. A young actor was about to be completely overwhelmed onstage.
Adam: I said... "What are you going to..."
Brea: "Do about it? I'm done 'doing' when it comes to you, Antoine. I do and I do and I do, when all the world says, 'don't.'"
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Unfortunately, I was the overwhelmed actor. "But you're my, uh, baby doll?"
Brea: "But that's over now. Because this Allspice will never flavor your world again." [Cinoman is mouthing the words] "Now, go! Go manage your brother's Chick-fil-A in Sarasota, where they're used to chickens as big as you!"
Adam: Ow. That was dead-center nipple.
Ms. Cinoman: We've found our lead! Brea, you inhabited that part.
Adam: And how was I, Ms. Cinoman?
Ms. Cinoman: Eh. You'll get there. Everyone, welcome Brea Bee to our band of merry players!

Adam: Sounds like you're a big fan. Go ahead... say an emotion, and I'll say "Lee Majors" in that emotion.
Murray: How about happy?
Adam: Lee Majors!
Murray: Angry.
Adam: Lee Majors.
Murray: Confused.
Adam: Lee Majors?
Murray: Bored.
Adam: Lee Majors.
Murray: No, I meant I'm bored. Now, scram. What are you doing now?
Adam: I'm using your insensitive dismissal to evoke real tears.
Murray: What is that? Trapped gas? Lay on a pillow.
Adam: Gah! This is pointless! Not a single person can summon up tears out of nothing.

Barry: Why would I live in the Kremps' house with a bunch of strange babies?
Beverly: They're your babies, silly, and my grandchildren. All 13 of 'em.
Barry: Oh, no. Why didn't we stop at 12?

Ms. Cinoman: Adam, can we talk in private?
Adam: One-on-one time with my director? You honor me with your attention.
Ms. Cinoman: I've had some concerns since Brea joined the cast.
Adam: Oh, you feel it, too?
Ms. Cinoman: The chemistry between George and Martha, it's just so important to the success of the play.
Adam: And that's all we strive for.
Ms. Cinoman: So, I have your blessing to recast the role?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, I had a choice... stand up for my girlfriend, or do this.
Adam: Why are we still talking about it?
Ms. Cinoman: It's done. Matt Schernecke will replace you as George, and you'll be Matt's old character, Nick, who comes in later and says fewer lines.
Adam: Wasdatnow?
Ms. Cinoman: This will be good for you. Not as much memorization, you won't be constantly upstaged by Brea, and we see less of you. Everybody wins, especially the audience.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was opening night of the school play, but all I could think about was being shut out by Brea's talent.
Murray: Here.
Adam: What is this?
Murray: Flowers. They told me to give them to you after the show, but then I'd have to hold them, so...

Adult Adam: [v.o.] My dad was right. It was time to be supportive and let Brea have her moment. But then again, I also wanted a moment.
Ms. Cinoman: Oh, crap.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, I went completely off-book.
Brea: Hey, it's... it's Nick. Uh, we weren't expecting you so soon.
Matthew: What are you doing here, Nick?
Adam: Oh, you know, Nick stuff.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And it didn't stop there. I wasn't just off-book. I was off the rails.
Adam: [as Robin Williams] Ooh. You know who's afraid of Virginia Woolf? Virginia sheep. Baah!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] There were jokes.
Adam: [normal voice] I'm a Rockette gone solo! Get it? Why is it so quiet?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] There was magic...
Adam: Ah! Eh?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] ...improv.
Adam: I need a location.
Ms. Cinoman: Off the stage!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Nothing was gonna stop it. Except this.

Brea: What the hell was that?!
Adam: Uh, a human Swiss Army knife of entertainment?
Brea: Adam, you ruined everything! For all of us! For me! I found something new that I really loved... why would you try and take that away from me?!
Adam: Oh, boy. More tears.
Brea: Except I'm not acting this time.

Beverly: Looks like someone could use some ice cream.
Erica: Don't. Don't try to be a mom now.
Beverly: You're right. I took it too far, and I...
Erica: I know. You want a wedding and grandbabies and us living next door.
Beverly: I do want those things. But more importantly, I want you to be happy, and I find it hard to believe that Geoff is not a part of that.
Erica: It is for me, too. But, Mom, it had to happen. He completely stopped being who he was because of me. Did I do the right thing?
Beverly: Erica, I can't tell you what's gonna happen with Geoff, but I can say that from now on, the only thing I care about is you.
Erica: Thanks. Think you could lie here with me?