Adam: Pardon me, ladies. I'm filming a super important battlescape, and my camera's picking up all your tuppery talk.
Beverly: Sorry, Schmooey. We'll do better. [chuckles] C'mon, gals. Let's take our food-storage party into the living room. [Beverly's friends mumble indistinctly] Uh, what is this? What's with the judgy murmuring?
Erica: Bevy, we think it's time we had a Yenta-vention.
Beverly: About what?
Essie Karp: About Adam.
Linda Schwartz: Look, we all love his creativity and his wild imagination as much as you do. It's just that-
Virginia Kremp: He's an adult who plays with dolls.
Beverly: And you're an adult who smells like a sack of monkey [bleep].
Essie Karp: You're lashing out.
Beverly: I'm lashing out.

Beverly: Murray. Everybody thinks Adam is both sad and weird.
Murray: Sure.
Beverly: You're his father. Help him be better.
Murray: Give the kid a break. He's only 12.
Beverly: He's 16!
Murray: That can't be right.

Beverly: Now get off your ass and go teach him a real adult hobby.
Murray: What do I know from hobbies? I don't have any stupid hobbies.
Beverly: Is that right? Stamps, Murray. You love stamps. That is your hobby.
Murray: Hobbies are dumb and silly. Stamps are a smart financial investment. You know, Rock Hudson got a stamp. Good for him, right?
Beverly: Okay, I don't care what the hell you call it. Just show Adam how much fun you have stamping with your stamps.
Murray: Fine. I'll introduce Adam to the noble world of stamp collecting, but once again, not a hobby. Stamps are serious business. [chuckles] Snoopy! Silly puppy.

Murray: Okay, toy time's over, moron.
Adam: This isn't toy time. It's the "Transformers"/ "Star Wars" crossover event the world's been begging for.
Murray: That's gibberish for "toy time," and you're too old for it. Here's how actual normal adult people have fun.
Adam: It's just a book of postage.
Murray: It's a collection of stamps.
Adam: Ohh, I get it. See, you grew up in olden times when there were no toys. All you had were dolls made out of corn cobs and a stick and a hoop. That's why you're an angry, broken man who thinks stamps are a hobby.
Murray: Learn about stamps or you're grounded, moron.
Adam: Fine. I'll give your tiny, lickable history squares a stupid chance.

Murray: And if you take to them, maybe my stamp collection can become our stamp collection.
Adam: I can have the stamps?
Murray: I don't see why not as long as you give up plastic toys and robits.

Adam: Buckle up, Pops. Your favorite grandson is guaranteed to win the contest of a lifetime.
Pops: I see what this is. You rigged the contest, huh? I did that with the peaches.

Barry: Dude, Ed McMahon is gonna spill his giant tumbler of scotch when he hears this.
Lainey: We are so the stars "Star Search" is searching for.

John Calabasas: Hello, Willow Grove Mall, or as it shall henceforth be known, Willow Groove Mall, am I right?
Geoff: Whoo! You are right!
John Calabasas: Thank you, lone sir. I am John Calabasas of John Calabasas Talent Management and Mall Recording Boothness. And today we're doing a live recording for "Star Search" audition tape.
Geoff: I love you, Rikki Gold!
John Calabasas: You hear that? They love you, Rikki Gold. By the way, I am totally diggin' that name change.
Erica: Oh, it's 'cause, you know...
John Calabasas: Yeah, I know.

Adam: Hey.
Murray: Don't. The stamps are gone. It's over, okay?
Adam: Here. I got us tickets to the Abington Stamp Expo. I heard there's an 80th anniversary Pony Express up for auction.
Murray: Stop. You don't have to pretend to like my dumb hobby just for me.
Adam: No. I-I get it. Stamps are more than just a hobby. They were a bright spot when you were a kid.
Murray: You could say that.
Adam: Well, that's what all my action figures are for me. No matter how old I am, these toys remind me of a time when things were just easy and fun, you know?
Murray: I do know. I really do.
Adam: So, what do you say we make some new bright spots and go to your Stamp Expo?
Murray: Let's go get that Pony Express.

Pops: Do you actually have a shot at winning this toy thing?
Adam: I wish. Last year, Dad only gave me enough money for two lousy stamps.
Murray: I'll pay you twice that right now if you leave.
Adam: Fine. But if I win, I'm not grabbing you anything. Pops, what would you like? Name it.
Pops: How about one of those backscratchers your father loves?
Adam: Backscratcher? It's a toy store.
Murray: He's talking about this thing.
Adam: That's my Hot Wheels track! No, don't rub that against your body.
Murray: Ah, damn it, I can't get it. Al, come on and reach it. Get no man's land.
Pops: Is this good?