Adam: No, I won this fair and square. I mailed in over 600 entries.
Pops: Whoa! Where'd you get the dough for all that postage?
Adam: Dad gave me all his stamps.
Pops: Those stamps aren't for mailing. They're for admiring.
Adam: Chill! I thought of everything. See, when I win the contest, I get thousands of dollars in toys. I'll just sell a few bikes and Nintendos and buy back all of Dad's stamps.
Pops: That actually makes a shred of sense.

Man: [on TV] Okay, the big moment's here. This year, Toys "R" Us received a record number 2 million entries!
Adam: Wha- What he say?
Pops: Oh, no.
Man: [on TV] And the winner is Maria Hernandez!
Pops: Oh, no.
Adam: Oh, balls, no!
Pops: You didn't win.
Adam: I know I didn't win, Pops!
Pops: You're in serious trouble. Oh, no.
Adam: Oh, no, I really am.
Pops: Oh, no!
Adam: Oh, no! [whimpers]

Erica: What the hell? You stole my audition song?
Geoff: You can't steal her song.
Lainey: Last time I checked, Queen wrote the song. We're just covering it.
Geoff: But she's right, Queen did write it.

Erica: I'm doing the Rhapsody. You can't have two Rhapsodies.
Geoff: That's true, you can't have two.
Lainey: Then pick another Rhapsody.
Geoff: Maybe you should pick another?
Erica: There's only one Rhapsody, and it's the Bohemian one.

Barry: Managers book gigs?

Adam: Momma! I have a very important stamp-based conundrum.
Beverly: Hold the Mahj, ladies. Did you hear that? My son is a very adult, grown-up stamp-collector.
Linda Schwartz: Wow, good for you.
Adam: Yep, stamps are my thing, and I need to talk about stamps right now over here.
Beverly: Uh, Murray's even sharing his incredibly rare and valuable stamp collection with Adam. He's really taken to it.
Adam: Like a stamp to a letter. Also, private convo now.
Beverly: You know, stamps aren't even really a hobby. They're more of a sound financial investment.
Adam: Dad's stamps are gone!
Beverly: What?
Adam: I used them on a toy contest to get toys 'cause I want more toys.

Virginia Kremp: We should go.
Beverly: No, stay. He didn't mean that. Adam, tell my dear friends that you're a mature stamp gentleman.
Adam: Who cares what these crazy bats think? Dad's gonna kill me.
Beverly: Your instincts were right. You should go.

Murray: Whoa-ho-ho. Guess who found us a 1972 "Preserving Wetlands" stamp? Oh, yes. Let's just put it in the binder, and we will be- These are not my stamps.
Beverly: What? These are most certainly your stamps.
Murray: No, no, no, my '39 Kitty Hawk had a crease in the left-hand corner.
Adam: Maybe it got un-creased over time?
Murray: You can't un-crease a stamp crease.
Adam: You don't know that for sure.

Erica: Hey, best friends. Huge news. I fired my manager, so now I'm totally avail to get our band back together.
Lainey: So, you blew it at the mall and came crawling back 'cause you're a giant pile of failure?
Erica: What? No. I-It's like they say the music business is a friend business.
Other Erica: Stop. Yesterday, I was at the mall flirting with the totally hot manager at Sunglass Kiosk. His name is Randy. He wears tank tops even though it's winter. He lives in a boat parked in his parent's backyard. Anyway, I saw you bomb hard.
Erica: Oh, you saw that, huh?
Geoff: Don't listen to her, Erica. She likes a guy named Randy.