Marvin: Then let me teach you the secrets of becoming a rich Wall Street titan.
Murray: No, no, no. Do not listen to him.
Marvin: You don't even know what we're talking about!
Murray: Oh, let me guess. Cutting corners and stupid get-rich-quick schemes.
Barry: Wrong! We're talking about cutting corners and smart get-rich-quick schemes.
Murray: Barry, whatever this moron says, do the opposite.

Barry: My dad'll never let me play the stocks. I already promised him I'd become a stupid doctor so I could help save people's stupid lives.
Marvin: Please. You want tacky wood paneling or classy gold spray paint?
Murray: But Murray says becoming a doctor is the smartest decision of my life.
Marvin: You sound crazy right now. It takes eight years to become a doctor. I can make that kind of cheddar in eight seconds.
Barry: That sounds right.
Marvin: Everything sounds right with your hair slicked back, baby.
Barry: Screw medicine! Screw it! I hereby renounce my dreams for whatever it is that got you that suit.
Marvin: Exactly! What has medicine ever done for anybody?

Erica: Brace yourself, Geoff. I don't know which direction my mom's coming at me, but she's coming in hard. Huh.
Beverly: Schmoopaloo!
Geoff: Oh! Where did she come from? I was looking that exact direction.

Erica: Glad to see you're in such a good mood. Usually at Thanksgiving, you're a frazzled, gravy-stained mess.
Beverly: Well, not this year. The "Bevolution" has begun, baby!
Geoff: Bevo-what?
Beverly: My journey of change and personal growth. Surely you've heard of it. It's a very big deal.
Geoff: I've been busy with school and getting into college and stuff.
Beverly: Hmm.

Geoff: What was the serious talk about?
Erica: Nothing much. I'm just in crippling credit-card debt.
Geoff: What? Who would give you a credit card? You're completely irresponsible.
Erica: I know! I was just walking to class, and there was this booth with this really friendly dude who said if I'd fill out this form then I would get a credit card and a really cute beach tote.
Geoff: So, what do you owe?
Erica: Nothing to freak out over.
Geoff: $3,000?! At 33% interest?!
Erica: I know, pretty good, right?
Geoff: Oh, God, no! You are completely clueless. But I love you. Don't break up with me.

Erica: Relax. I have a plan, but I need your help.
Geoff: Whatever you need.
Erica: Okay. You coldly dump me in front of my mom and then I run into her arms crying my eyes out, thereby lowering her defenses that when I ask for the money, she has to say "Yes".
Geoff: Wait, so we are breaking up?
Erica: Yes, but not for real.
Geoff: But it'll feel real to me. I'm too sensitive for this bull crap.
Erica: Seriously, Geoff? If you can't be there for me in a time of need, then why are we even together?
Geoff: Oh, God, now you're actually breaking up with me!
Erica: Never mind. I'll just figure it out on my own.
Geoff: On your own, like, as a single woman, on your own?
Erica: No! God!
Geoff: Wha!

Barry: Nest egg, baby.
Marvin: 1,000 bucks?!
Barry: My entire inheritance from Aunt Rose.
Marvin: What? She left me nothing, man. I let her take my arm to walk to the car once. Doesn't matter.

Marvin: All right. Let's get rich. What am I doing, huh? I'm pacing, right? Stockbrokers never stand still. They're like sharks on cocaine. What you want is a dollop of gel. This is your phone! Always scream into your phone! It makes you sound scary and important! Make sure you can't see fingers at all. Fire my secretary! Hire a secretary! Well, how was your weekend, Claude?! Every hair must be in place, because if not, it shows weakness. If you're gonna work the floor, you got to know the hand signals. Buy, sell, short the stock, long the stock, shred the evidence, I will fight all of you, why'd you let the Feds into my office, call my wife, tell her that I'm sorry, please don't send me to jail, I will rat out everyone! Good? Whoo!
Murray: Hey, Marvin, is that your Cadillac in the driveway? Saw a couple of hobos scraping up the gold with a pocket knife.

Marvin: Where are the hobos?
Murray: There are no hobos. Whatever harebrained scheme you're up to, I want Barry out of it.
Marvin: I am just trying to teach your son how to be like Charlie Sheen from the movie "Wall Street".
Murray: He betrays his father and goes to prison in that movie.
Marvin: Thanks for blowing the ending!

Beverly: You name it, Schmoopy. Whatever I can do, I'm here for you.
Erica: Maybe [softly] Give me $3,000 so I can pay off my credit-card debt?
Beverly: $3,000?! Who the hell would give you a credit card?!
Erica: [normal voice] I know I messed up, but you can't be mad, because my heart still hurts from that fight I mentioned earlier. Mommy, please. Rescue your little squishy, snuggly shmoopie-woopie from the mean money man.