Erica: Now I owe even more money. How could you let me do this, Geoff?
Geoff: Me?! All I wanted was to stay together, but what's the point? Your credit's in the crapper. Now we'll never afford a starter home.
Erica: Starter home? I thought we were going to live in the city for a few years. You know, mattress on the floor like young starving artists.
Geoff: We can't even afford a bed frame? That's no life! I'm going to be an ophthalmologist. I need a good night's sleep.
Erica: Oh, so you're just going to put your work above me? Your head is always at the office, Geoffrey.
Geoff: Why are you making me choose?! I put in the hours for you!

Erica: Mom! Hi! Before you get mad, just remember that the new Beverly is super chill and doesn't mix in when her kids screw up.
Beverly: Oh, you mixed me right in when you stole my identity!
Erica: That's only because my dopey uncle promised me riches in a fast and unrealistic way.
Marvin: How dare you disparage my good name. I run a reputable boiler room in the basement with a teenage clientele. You know what? I don't have to explain myself to you. I am so out of here!
Beverly: No! No! Nobody leaves! It is Thanks-[bleep]-giving!

Erica: Well, I'm thankful for my mom, who abandoned me, which is why I went to my ridiculous uncle.
Marvin: Well, I'm thankful for Murray, who taught his kids to disrespect me as much as he does.
Murray: Well, I am thankful for my moron brother, who derailed my son's future in less than 12 hours.
Virginia Kremp: Please don't turn this fun tradition into something ugly and spiteful.
Barry: Well, I'm thankful for my father, who wants me to be lame and boring like him.
Virginia Kremp: Please!
Murray: And I'm thankful for my idiot son, who insults me to my core even though I'm just trying to help him.
Barry: And I'm thankful- Shut up!!

Erica: I'm not going to have someone bail me out again. It's up to me to fix it. I mean, if my mom can become a better person, then so can I.
Geoff: Wow. That's really responsible and kind of strange to hear coming out of your mouth. But I like it.
Erica: Yeah, I do, too.
Geoff: For the record, I'd do the whole mattress on the floor thing for you.
Erica: For the record, I'm never breaking up with you.

Erica: I think this belongs to you.
Beverly: "9th National Bank".
Erica: You should cut it up, like, immediately.
Beverly: Well, that would be a start.
Erica: I know. Which is why I'm going to take a work-study to pay you back. And I'm sure it'll take a long time for you to forgive me, but I promise-
Beverly: I forgive you.
Erica: Really?
Beverly: I know what I said. The thing is, I'm always going to want to swoop in and save you. But I think we both know, in the end, it doesn't help either of us.
Erica: I'm proud of you, Mom. You're really trying to change. Kind of makes me want to change, too.

John Calabasas: Oh, hello, Miss Goldberg. Back for another credit card? Perhaps a small business loan? I know you're good for it.
Erica: Cut the crap. You and I both know that I'm not Beverly and you're not a legit bank. Cancel this account.
John Calabasas: Of course. I'd be delighted to. Ohh. Little snaff here. Uh, you opened this with 9th National. As you can see, that's not us.
Beverly: Do what she says now!
Erica: Mom, I thought you said that you weren't gonna swoop in and save me anymore.
Beverly: I know. But Mama's name is on that card, so Mama's gonna take this one last ride.
John Calabasas: Okay, I can see that you mean business. And, unfortunately, mine is closed! [runs away]