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40Quotes from ‘Girl Talk’

The Goldbergs: Girl Talk

506. Girl Talk

Aired November 1, 2017

After Murray turns to Adam to make a commercial for the furniture store, Marvin adds his artistic flair to the project. Meanwhile, Barry and his friends turn to Beverly for the help understanding girls.

Quote from Murray

Adult Adam: [v.o.] My dad had to make his own commercial, and there was only one geek who could save him.
Murray: I never thought I'd say this, but bring me Adam.

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Quote from Murray

Adam: I've been waiting for this moment my entire life. I know your taste. It'll be quick and simple. Also, you'll be sitting.
Murray: Oh, I like this idea.
Marvin: Or, and I'm just talking out loud here, what if instead of simple, we made it incredibly complicated?
Adam: Ooh, I'm listening.
Murray: No, no. Do not encourage him.

Quote from Murray

Marvin: We have an opportunity here to make the biggest, most expensive furniture commercial ever, okay? I'm talking about explosions, car chases, furniture girls.
Murray: There's no such thing as furniture girls.
Adam: Uncle Marvin's right. We should probably go big.
Marvin: So big!
Adam: And loud!
Marvin: And sexy!
Murray: Go away!
Adam: Ooh! We can set it in space!
Marvin: Spaaaace.
Murray: No space!
Adam: And animals. We need animals. The deadlier the better.
Marvin: Yes, people respond to fear.
Murray: Not furniture buyers.
Adam: And we need epic stunts. How many sleeper sofas can you jump in a monster truck?
Marvin: Well, if we load it up with rocket fuel, an infinite amount!
Murray: When you're done, we'll do it my way. Knock yourselves out.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Gah! That's the third girl this week who shot me down. Don't these smoking hot scrubs know I dated Lainey for three years?
Andy: Don't ask me, dude. I haven't talked to a girl since my piano teacher told me to stop calling her.
Naked Rob: It's like the only people who see me naked now are you guys.
Matt: I used to have great luck with women, but it all dried up when I started hanging out with you dudes.
Barry: Coincidence, Matthew.

Quote from Barry

Barry: We officially have Erica's blessing. Let's do this. Naked Rob, you and I shall play the board game where you literally become a woman, "Girl Talk." Matthew, you take this Caboodle and make friendship bracelets for all.
Matt: One of you lucky bros is gonna get an anklet.
Barry: Andy, you read these Judy Blume books. Soak up all the teenage lady writing and see if God ever responds to Margaret.
Andy: I hope it's a yes.
Barry: Geoff Schwartz, you take Erica's diary and read her inner-most secret girl thoughts.
Geoff: She's never let me read it before! She finally trusts me!
Barry: Gentlemen, our world changes today. Let's get feminine.

Quote from Murray

Adam: Okay, our big commercial's all done.
Murray: Yep. There's no story, there's no effects, there's no artistic expression whatsoever. I've never been more proud of the kid in my life!

Quote from Murray

Pops: Okay, calm down. The man means well.
Murray: You realize that's the worst thing you can say about a person.
Pops: How is it bad if a man means well?
Murray: Because it means he doesn't do well. He's too busy being a moron.

Quote from Murray

Marvin: That's it! I refuse to work for someone who thinks so little of me!
Murray: Great. Then don't come in tomorrow.
Marvin: Are you firing me?
Murray: No, you just quit.
Marvin: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm just refusing to work.
Pops: That is quitting.
Marvin: Which I didn't do!
Murray: Then fine. You're fired.
Marvin: No, no, you can't fire me. I already quit.
Murray: Too late. I fired you first.
Marvin: Okay, so rehire me so I can quit.
Murray: You're rehired. Go ahead and quit.
Marvin: I'm staying.
Murray: Then you're fired.
Marvin: You would fire your own brother? I quit!
Pops: He means well.

Quote from Naked Rob

Naked Rob: Dude, "Girl Talk" sucks. The only thing I've gotten from this game is a bunch of zit stickers.
Barry: And I admitted I had a crush on the hunky quarterback, and he's so not my type.
Naked Rob: You need a guy who makes you laugh, man.

Quote from Andy

Barry: Andy? You have better luck with that Judy Blume book?
Andy: You have no idea what women go through each month. I mean, it's crazy. It still won't help us get dates, but it's crazy.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Maybe the ol' Bevernator can help you with your lady troubles.
Barry: Mom! Stop invading our privacy while we're invading Erica's privacy!

Quote from Beverly

Barry: No. Last thing we need is for you to mom us up with corny mom advice.
Beverly: That is quite possibly the most hurtful thing you've ever said to me. I am so much more than just a mom. Now eat your prunes so you can get your tummy engine cookin'.
Barry: No prunes! They're just so wet.
Beverly: It's been four days, Barry. You need to make.
Barry: Mom. I'm fine.
Beverly: You know, Essie Karp's nephew's son held it in for that long, and then he got on a ferry to Nantucket.
Barry: I don't wanna hear this stupid mom story.
Beverly: They had to turn the boat around, Barry.
Barry: I don't care about Essie's nephew's son!
Beverly: A Coast Guard chopper was involved.
Barry: Mom.
Beverly: People were jumping into the ocean.
Barry: Mom!
Beverly: They had to decommission the boat.
Barry: Mom!
Beverly: Because he didn't eat his prunes.
Barry: I think you've proven my point.
Beverly: Well, suit yourself. But just know that the most attractive trait in a man is when he makes on schedule.

Quote from Naked Rob

Beverly: Okay, see, that's the problem right there. This whole naked thing, Robert. Girls don't like it when you run up to them with no pants on.
Barry: Don't listen to her! Your nudity is your most redeeming quality.
Naked Rob: So you're saying if I get dressed in the morning and stay that way all day, then women will be less revolted by me?
Beverly: I'm not just saying it. I know it.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Hey, Boofaloo.
Barry: [sighs] As much as it shocks me to say it, you're not just a big-haired, mom-shaped sweater lady.
Beverly: Hurtful, but continue.
Barry: You helped Rob, which means you're not only a mom. You could actually be a lady bro and help me get girls.
Beverly: Shut your delicious little face! You asked for my help.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I just wanted some advice on how to impress Jamie Weisman. I've already tried both aggressive rapping and casual flexing in a yellow tank top.
Beverly: Uh-huh. Have you considered something simpler?
Barry: You mean like eating an entire apple in one bite?
Beverly: Or. What if you just talk to her?
Barry: Like with a bullhorn?
Beverly: For now, just be yourself. That's all women really want. Sincerity.
Barry: Be sincere. So I speak with a British accent and wear a monocle?
Beverly: We'll get you there.

Quote from Beverly

Mr. Glascott: Whoa, whoa. What am I looking at here?
Beverly: Just a boy who took my advice and is now chatting to his future girlfriend.
Mr. Glascott: Are you nuts?
Beverly: What? What's wrong?
Mr. Glascott: Jamie Weisman hangs with the no-good bleacher creatures. They spend every lunch under there smoking and listening to that awful ska music. And don't get me started on the truancy.
Beverly: Truancy? Well, that's a gateway to being late for everything in life!
Mr. Glascott: And the worst part is, they're always sassing off at the mouth, saying things like "[bleep] this school" and "[bleep] Mr. Glascott."
Beverly: Kids can't speak that way. This is un-[bleep]-believable.

Quote from Murray

Murray: You can come back to my store.
Marvin: I knew it! Sales have plunged since your top salesman left.
Murray: Sure. If that's what you want to hear.
Marvin: Oh, I want a lot more than that. I shall return to your employ should you meet the following demands. Demand number one. I want stock options. All of them.
Murray: We're not a public company, moron. There is no stock.
Marvin: I want 100 paid vacation days.
Murray: That's three months!
Marvin: I want my own parking spot.
Murray: No.
Marvin: Toilet.
Murray: No.
Marvin: Office.
Murray: No.
Marvin: And I'm going to change the name of the store to Marvin and Brother Furniture Place.
Murray: All right, forget I asked.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Just leave the door open when you go. We need to air out the Drakkar stink.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Oh, God.
Formica Mike: I came to say "bravo." You pulled it off perfectly.
Murray: What- What- What are you talking about?
Formica Mike: Sabotage.
Murray: What?
Formica Mike: Sabotage!
Murray: What about it?
Formica Mike: [whispering] Sabotage.
Murray: Stop saying "sabotage"!

Quote from Murray

Formica Mike: You let me steal your brother knowing full well that he would destroy my store from the inside.
Murray: Ohh. What'd he do?
Formica Mike: First, he mistook the display toilet for "the real deal."
Murray: Oh, geez.
Formica Mike: Then he wants to rearrange the stock room. He loses control of the forklift. He pops three water beds. Now I gotta shut down because he flooded my showroom.
Murray: Formica Mike, listen to me. This isn't sabotage.
Formica Mike: That wasn't sabotage?
Murray: No. I'm not smart enough, and I know Marvin isn't.
Formica Mike: Okay. Then, first, I'm gonna fire the putz. Then I'm gonna make him pay for the water beds.
Murray: Don't do that. I'll pay for it.
Formica Mike: Why would you do that?
Murray: Because he really does mean well.
Formica Mike: You do know that that is the worst thing that you could say about a person?
Murray: Oh, I'm aware.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Just shut up and listen. I made a deal with Formica Mike. You're coming back to work on Monday at twice the pay.
Marvin: He tell you about the forklift incident?
Murray: Yes.
Marvin: And the miscommunication with the toilet?
Murray: Yeah.
Marvin: He's gonna fire me, isn't he?
Murray: Do you want to come back or don't you?
Marvin: I don't get it. Why would you take me back with a raise when I'm just your dumb kid brother who "means well"?
Murray: Well, this time you didn't mean well. You did well. Your stupid commercial is a hit. And I really need you.
Marvin: You said it? He said it.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Call a guy and tell him something gross.
Geoff: Ew. Never. I'll take a zit sticker.
Erica: I knew you'd still be here!
Geoff: Erica, you came home to see me.
Erica: No, I came home to fight you all for invading my privacy.
Geoff: But Barry said you were fine with it.
Barry: That is not what I said, Erica. What I told them was, run, JTP!
All: JTP!


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