Adult Adam: [v.o.] My dad had to make his own commercial, and there was only one geek who could save him.
Murray: I never thought I'd say this, but bring me Adam.

Adam: I've been waiting for this moment my entire life. I know your taste. It'll be quick and simple. Also, you'll be sitting.
Murray: Oh, I like this idea.
Marvin: Or, and I'm just talking out loud here, what if instead of simple, we made it incredibly complicated?
Adam: Ooh, I'm listening.
Murray: No, no. Do not encourage him.

Marvin: We have an opportunity here to make the biggest, most expensive furniture commercial ever, okay? I'm talking about explosions, car chases, furniture girls.
Murray: There's no such thing as furniture girls.
Adam: Uncle Marvin's right. We should probably go big.
Marvin: So big!
Adam: And loud!
Marvin: And sexy!
Murray: Go away!
Adam: Ooh! We can set it in space!
Marvin: Spaaaace.
Murray: No space!
Adam: And animals. We need animals. The deadlier the better.
Marvin: Yes, people respond to fear.
Murray: Not furniture buyers.
Adam: And we need epic stunts. How many sleeper sofas can you jump in a monster truck?
Marvin: Well, if we load it up with rocket fuel, an infinite amount!
Murray: When you're done, we'll do it my way. Knock yourselves out.

Barry: Gah! That's the third girl this week who shot me down. Don't these smoking hot scrubs know I dated Lainey for three years?
Andy: Don't ask me, dude. I haven't talked to a girl since my piano teacher told me to stop calling her.
Naked Rob: It's like the only people who see me naked now are you guys.
Matt: I used to have great luck with women, but it all dried up when I started hanging out with you dudes.
Barry: Coincidence, Matthew.

Barry: We officially have Erica's blessing. Let's do this. Naked Rob, you and I shall play the board game where you literally become a woman, "Girl Talk." Matthew, you take this Caboodle and make friendship bracelets for all.
Matt: One of you lucky bros is gonna get an anklet.
Barry: Andy, you read these Judy Blume books. Soak up all the teenage lady writing and see if God ever responds to Margaret.
Andy: I hope it's a yes.
Barry: Geoff Schwartz, you take Erica's diary and read her inner-most secret girl thoughts.
Geoff: She's never let me read it before! She finally trusts me!
Barry: Gentlemen, our world changes today. Let's get feminine.

Adam: Okay, our big commercial's all done.
Murray: Yep. There's no story, there's no effects, there's no artistic expression whatsoever. I've never been more proud of the kid in my life!

Pops: Okay, calm down. The man means well.
Murray: You realize that's the worst thing you can say about a person.
Pops: How is it bad if a man means well?
Murray: Because it means he doesn't do well. He's too busy being a moron.

Marvin: That's it! I refuse to work for someone who thinks so little of me!
Murray: Great. Then don't come in tomorrow.
Marvin: Are you firing me?
Murray: No, you just quit.
Marvin: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm just refusing to work.
Pops: That is quitting.
Marvin: Which I didn't do!
Murray: Then fine. You're fired.
Marvin: No, no, you can't fire me. I already quit.
Murray: Too late. I fired you first.
Marvin: Okay, so rehire me so I can quit.
Murray: You're rehired. Go ahead and quit.
Marvin: I'm staying.
Murray: Then you're fired.
Marvin: You would fire your own brother? I quit!
Pops: He means well.

Naked Rob: Dude, "Girl Talk" sucks. The only thing I've gotten from this game is a bunch of zit stickers.
Barry: And I admitted I had a crush on the hunky quarterback, and he's so not my type.
Naked Rob: You need a guy who makes you laugh, man.

Barry: Andy? You have better luck with that Judy Blume book?
Andy: You have no idea what women go through each month. I mean, it's crazy. It still won't help us get dates, but it's crazy.