Hyde: Hey, look, man, I'll take care of it, all right? But it's gonna cost you. Listening pit comes back, Zeppelin goes up on that wall, and I want you to remove the smoke detectors from the back office.
Angie Barnett: Whatever you want.
Hyde: Oh, and also, my creepy friend gets to hold your hand for two minutes.
Fez: That would be me.
Kelso: Wait, all right, back off. I want to be the first one of us who gets to touch her. [Fez drops a record]
Donna: You, too, with the Styx?
Fez: That's a present for my friend, um... Uh... Fez. Damn it.

Eric: Out of my way, Dad. Time for me to rock.
Red: You're not going to the concert.
Eric: What? Why not?
Red: Look, every family has its holiday traditions. Some sing, others play charades. In our family, someone always cries. But I'll be damned if it's gonna be your mother crying tonight. I can't see her like that. I love her.
Eric: She threatened not to make the yams.
Red: Just get the hell back in the house.

[circle:]
Hyde: Okay, here's the situation. It's Thanksgiving night. Everything's closed. We need to find 100 record bins by midnight. It's the same damn thing, every year.
Jackie: Wait, I have a question. How does hair know to grow? And how far inside your head does it go? Does it touch your brain?
Hyde: Okay, I think we need to get Jerry Garcia here some coffee.
Fez: Let the girl rap, I was into it. I like to think about my head.
Kelso: The Head, that's the name. I saved the day.
Donna: You know what would be perfect for the records? Those boxes that milk bottles come in. They're like crates or crepes. Crepes. How good are crepes?
Hyde: That'll work, man. We need, like, 50 empty milk crates.
Jackie: Well, how are we gonna drink all that milk? [gasps] Wait. We need 50 boxes of cookies.
Hyde: No, wastoid. We'll steal the crates. It's perfect. Milk crates.
Donna: Milk crates.
Kelso: Milk crates.
Fez: Milky Craties.
[circle ends]
Angie Barnett: Okay. My Valium's starting to wear off. What's happening with those boxes?
Hyde: Man, we just thought of the perfect solution. We're gonna go get some of those...
Kelso: The Head.
Donna: Crepes.
Fez: Poppers.
Hyde: Whatever. We'll be back.

Bob: Thank you for opening up your home to me on this special day.
Kitty: This family is all about love.
Eric: Yep, spirit-crushing tyrannical love.
Red: Drop that tone of voice, you'll be wearing that turkey like a football helmet.

Kitty: Okay, now, everybody take a feather from the paper turkey and write down something you're thankful for, and then we'll all pick feathers and guess who wrote them. Any questions?
Bob: This is kind of off-topic, but where can I put my belt?
[filmed in a circle:]
Kitty: I'll go first. [chuckles] "I'm thankful for my mother/wife. My life is meaningless without her." Whoopsie, I got mine. [laughs] It would've sounded better if someone else had read it.
Eric: "I'm thankful you have pecan pie. You do have pecan pie, right? Because I turned down an invitation that involved pecan pie." Hmm, Bob?
Red: "I'm thankful I didn't waste my day at a really fun concert. This way I can work on becoming a bitter, old man whose only happiness is destroying his son's life." Kitty, hand me the turkey.
Bob: I think I got Red's. 'Cause the only words I can repeat are "Eric, little" and a word that starts with "mother."
Kitty: "Mother"? That's nice.
Bob: It takes a pretty hard left turn.
Kitty: Thanksgiving is ruined.
Eric: Don't look at me. Dad's the one who cursed on a turkey.
Red: Kitty. Bob, touch my yams and die.
Bob: Look at all the stuff I gotta eat.

Kitty: How could you think it would be okay to miss Thanksgiving? You might as well just rip my heart out and drown it in my delicious giblet gravy.
Red: It's not just Thanksgiving. You used to have goals and ambition. But now, one week you're chasing butterflies, the next week you're skating around the neighborhood dressed like Liberace.
Eric: Did it ever occur to you guys that I don't know what I'm doing? Okay? I'm scared.
Kitty: Of what, honey? We got rid of the spooky lamp in your room.

Donna: Man, I can't believe Thanksgiving's tomorrow.
Hyde: It's that special time of year, I like to give thanks, get Fez drunk and dress him up like a lady pilgrim.
Fez: Well, the joke's on you because this year, I'm getting into the dress before I get drunk. Ah, touche.
Kelso: Well, so long as it happens. I had Thanksgiving dinner last night with Brooke and the baby so I could be here tonight for Fez and the dress.

William Barnett: Remember, kids, music is joy, comfort, a Band-Aid for a wounded soul. And if you get people to believe that crap, you're gonna sell a lot of records. Here are the keys to the store.
Angie Barnett: Thank you. I just figure whoever hasn't been in prison should hold the keys.
William Barnett: I thought you'd do that, so I made an extra set for you. Everybody gets keys.
Jackie: Thank you. Yeah, you don't know me very well, but you're gonna have to make three of everything.
William Barnett: I'm starting to get you a little bit. You're funny.

Hyde: All right, well, as co-manager of this record store, my first order is a pizza.
Angie Barnett: Are you crazy? We have to start unloading records.
Kelso: Hey, look, I don't know about these other jokers, but I am here to help. So if you need to get anything off of one of these high shelves, I'll be happy to watch you reach for it.

Kelso: Oh, wait, I just remembered the name. Lumpy's.
Donna: No, it wasn't called Lumpy's.
Kelso: Well, my store is gonna be called Lumpy's.