Fez: Oh, don't put Batman in the clam of death, Riddler. That's just gonna make him mad. God, you're stupid.
Eric: Fez, for the last time, the Riddler can't hear you.
Fez: Riddle me this, Riddler. When Batman escapes from the clam of death who will kick your riddle-telling ass in?
Eric: Hey, Fez. Riddle me this. [slaps Fez]
Fez: Then riddle me this. [gives Eric a "wet willy"]
Eric: Oh, but, Fez, only if you riddle me this. [gives Fez a "purple nurple"]
Fez: Ow! Riddle me this, you son of a bitch! [they fight]

Laurie: Hey! This is my house.
Jackie: So what? Eric wants me here. Don't you, Eric?
Eric: Why, yes, I do.
Laurie: You better watch your back.
Jackie: Really? 'Cause you should stop spending so much time on yours.
Kelso: Oh. Burn! [laughs] Hey, I'm sorry. I just got swept away by the super-good burn.
Laurie: Shut up!

Kitty: Hi. How was your day?
Red: I had to let Earl go.
Eric: Let Earl go? You yelled at him until he cried.
Red: Hey. What kind of a man cries after only 15 minutes of yelling?
Eric: Well, I'm sorry. I don't like the way you handled Earl. Dad, he was your friend.
Kitty: Eric, hush, hush, hush, hush.
Red: Eric, work is work. You don't show up late, you don't make excuses, and you don't not work. If it wasn't work, they wouldn't call it work. They'd call it super, wonderful, crazy fun time. Or skippity-doo. Oh, jeez. Why the hell am I even talking to you?

Red: Eric. Now, Donna just came through here looking very upset. Would you have any idea what that's about?
Eric: I have no idea. She seemed fine when we- Um, you already know, don't you?
Red: Of course I know. Donna is such a sweet kid. How could you do this to her?
Eric: I don't know. You know, it seems like bad things are always happening to me like I have bad luck or something.
Red: Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason that bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass. Now fix it.

Donna: Go for it, Eric.
Eric: Yeah, we'll throw a party. Gonna charge $2 a head.
Kelso: $2 a head. A keg is equivalent to seven cases, that's 168 beers. If we each drink three beers a piece-
Hyde: No way, sophomores gonna drink one.
Kelso: True.
Hyde: Yeah, and the freshmen will only drink a half.
Kelso: So that averages out to 1.5 beers per person which means we can invite 112 people. That's $224.
Hyde: Cash.
Kelso: Which is decent.

Kelso: Oh, I'm so psyched, man, I got this, like, four-foot bottle rocket and I'm gonna, like, tie it to my arm and light it and just blast into the future!

Jackie: All right, Donna, put your chair here. I wanna get Steven's attention, and with you next to me I'll look like a tiny porcelain doll.
Donna: You know, Jackie, some people actually find me to be of normal height.
Jackie: Sure, if they're green and jolly.

Eric: So, uh, sounds like there's a party going on in there.
Donna: Yeah, there is. Your mom's like really drunk.
Eric: No, really? Yeah, I don't know if I'm ready for all that. I wish there was just some way to take the edge off.
[circle:]
Eric: Edge, you are officially off.
Fez: Eric, I have the most incredible news. I have kissed Jacqueline Burkhart.
Hyde: Yeah, Fez, I have some incredible news, too. So has everyone else.
Kelso: I think it makes total sense that Fez ended up with Jackie. She started out with me, the Ferrari. And then she went to Hyde, the Mustang, and now she's with Fez. Who's like a donkey pulling a cart full of brightly-colored Mexican blankets.
Eric: Oh, hey, Kelso, I almost forgot. I got you something from Africa for your daughter. Check it out. A genuine plastic rhino-horn.
Kelso: This is awesome. Look, guys, I'm a rhino! [barks]

Kitty: Well, I am just... I'm just so happy we're staying because I would miss you so. Like Fez, the way you and I have tea and make fun of male ice-skaters. And Jackie, you're such a doll. I don't even mind your backhanded compliments.
Jackie: Oh, Mrs. Forman, you're my favorite old lady.
Kitty: Oh, and you too, Leo. You always make my day when you wave and smile hello, even if you are urinating on my mailbox. Oh, and Bob. No matter what I cook, you can't pass it up. Kinda like you can't pass up a woman's rear end without yelling, "Whoo-hoo!"
Bob: Just being polite.
Kitty: And Steven. My second son. I adore you. But you know, now that we're staying, maybe you could shave your mustache because, honey, you look like a 40-year-old male prostitute. And Donna, sweetheart. No matter where you go, I will always love you like a daughter. I am so sorry things didn't work out with you and Eric.
Donna: I think I need some air.
Kitty: So, speaking of daughters, has anyone seen Laurie?

Kelso: Hey, speaking of hot chicks, what's going on with you and that stripper wife of yours?
Hyde: Not good, man. She's gone. Apparently she's not the sweet, innocent little girl she pretends to be at the start of her act.
Kelso: That's bad news. I totally would've done it with her. [Hyde punches Kelso's arm] Man, Hyde, that was right on the bone. My arm's all tingly. Just like your wife would have been if I would have done it with her. [Hyde punches Kelso's arm again] Oh, I miss this.
[montage of Hyde hitting Kelso]
Kelso: Remember that time you shot me with a BB gun? I still have the BB stuck underneath my skin. I like to play with it sometimes when I get bored. Just like I would have done with your wife.
[Hyde pushes Kelso as he tries to jump over the couch]
Kelso: Awesome, my tooth is loose.