[Kelso stands in front of a sign which reads "No alcohol, bottles, cans, fireworks, coolers, weapons or horns"]
Kelso: Man, I can't go in there. I got all that stuff.

Donna: Jackie, are you sure you're okay being here with Hyde? Because I don't want you to be sad the whole night. I have a feeling I'm gonna miss a lot of this game if you're sad.
Jackie: Donna, please, okay? I'm past the sad stage in the breakup. Now I just want to make someone pay.
Donna: Like when your uncle died and you were sad, so you hurt people by firing your maid?
Jackie: Okay, Donna, breaking up with Steven was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I gave him my heart and he stomped on it. I can't pretend everything's okay. Oh, and we didn't fire Martina. We called immigration and had them take care of it.

Eric: Man, you put a little schnapps in the hot chocolate.
Kelso: Eh, more like, I put a little hot chocolate in the schnapps.
Red: You kids talking about booze? Well, schnapp it over here.
Kelso: Eric, I think your dad's been body-snatched by a nice guy.
Eric: I know. When the Packers got a first down, he actually hugged me. It was like... It was like, warm, like I imagined it might be.

Hyde: Hey, Kelso, go bring in Fez now. You know the plan, right? Take my stub and your stub, and bring him in.
Kelso: I got it, Hyde. Jeez, I'm not two, you know. Uh, what do I do if I get lost?
Hyde: Dude, you're a cop.
Kelso: Yeah, what good is shooting somebody if I'm lost? You know, Hyde, you're no help.

Donna: Wow, you actually got food for everybody? How unnaturally thoughtful of you.
Jackie: Oh, don't worry. I have an ulterior motive. See, I got Steven caramel corn, but Steven doesn't like caramel corn. And he knows I know he doesn't like caramel corn, but I'm gonna give it to him anyway.
Donna: Wicked.
Jackie: Yeah. Okay, boys, I got you all your favorite snacks. Red, I got you a hot dog. Donna, I got you three hot dogs. And, Steven, I got you caramel corn.
Hyde: I don't like caramel corn.
Jackie: Oh, my. Well, if I was still your girlfriend and not just someone you couldn't see a future with, I might care. But I'm not, so I don't. Buh-burn!
Hyde: Hey, Red, want to trade that hot dog for the caramel corn?
Red: Yeah, sure. I don't care.
Jackie: Damn. I forgot about tradesies.

Kitty: Now, I could have sworn there was some refried beans right here behind my emergency bourbon.
Red: Kitty, the game's on. I'll dip the chips in Crisco, whatever you got.
Kitty: Oh, jeez.
[Bob holds Kitty by the butt cheeks]
Bob: I got you.
Kitty: I wasn't falling, Bob.
Bob: Oh. Well, then this is awkward.
Kitty: You can let go now, Bob.

Kelso: Excuse me, excuse me. Hey, I'm back.
Hyde: Um, where's Fez?
Kelso: Oh, I left him outside like we always do. But I like how you made him come in and out just to make him think we weren't screwing with him. Burn!
Hyde: Kelso, we're not trying to burn Fez. We're just trying to all watch the game together.
Kelso: Okay, this is Kelso you're talking to here. All right, who's getting burned? Is it me? Because if it is, I'll just let it happen.
Hyde: No. No one's getting burned. Now go out and get Fez.
Kelso: All right, fine. I'll go get Fez, and you can just surprise me. [winks]

Fez: Hyde, we need help. This whole ticket thing is like calculus to us. Okay, Kelso is outside with two ticket stubs.
Hyde: What? How did you get in?
Fez: Oh, there's a hole in the fence.
Hyde: Come on.

Man: Well, the Bears have pretty much lost the game, so why don't you get lost?
Red: Look, I think you've made your point. Yes, he's wearing a Bears jersey, but he's my son.
Man: Son or daughter?
Red: All right, that's enough.
Eric: No, you know what? You can say anything you want about me, okay? It's not gonna bother me.
Man: Yeah, stay out of this, baldy.
Eric: Okay, you can shut up about my dad.
Man: Oh, well, who's gonna make me?
Red: I am.
Eric: No, wait, I am. [fights]
Red: Eric's in a fight. No one's here. No one's gonna believe me. Why didn't I bring my camera?

Eric: I'm vicious, all right! I will tear that ass up!
Red: Look at him go. He's got the Forman rage.