Donna: Okay. I'm gonna freak everyone out and tell my ghost story so go hide in the woods and jump out when I get to the end.
Eric: [British accent] You are as wicked as you are gorgeous.
Donna: You know, it really creeps me out being up here after what happened to those kids.
Kelso: What kids?
Donna: A bunch of kids just like us were camping out up here and they disappeared. And all the police could find were these bloody drag marks that led down to the lake. It was like... It was like something killed them and then pulled them in.
Fez: Maybe it was the Loch Ness Monster.
Laurie: No. Fez, the Loch Ness Monster's in Africa.
Donna: So the police, like, searched the lake with their sonar and stuff and when they played back the tapes all they could hear in the background was, like, a whisper.
Kelso: What did it say?
Donna: "I am the Lady of the Lake. I am the Lady of the Lake." Yeah. And you'll know when she's coming, because she screams before she kills. Let's see if we can hear her. [silence] I said, let's see if we can hear her.
Eric: [o.s.] D- Donna, I'm stuck in a thornbush.
Kelso: I heard her. She's stuck in a thornbush.

Laurie: I'm gonna go take a walk down to the lake.
Fez: [inner monologue] She's going to the lake, old boy. That means topless rope-swinging. Now, do you want to spend your last hours in America eating s'mores? Or watching her glorious breasts swinging in the chilly night air? [out loud] I choose boobs.

Eric: Oh, yes. [removes clothes] Why, there you are, my little sex muffin.
Laurie: Little brother?
Eric: [screams] [screams] [screams]
[elsewhere:]
Jackie: What the hell was that?
Kelso: It's the Lady of the Lake! She screams and then she kills!

[camp fire circle:]
Eric: It was awful. I saw Laurie, and everything just went blank. And I just ran, Donna. I just ran away. And then I heard these high-pitched screams. And it was me.
Donna: Yeah? Well, I've got bigger problems. Fez is a good artist. He's gonna paint me onto a nudie poster and sell it to every gaucho in Argentina, or wherever the hell he's from. Eric, I'm gonna be Ms. Nude Argentina.
Jackie: You know, being here under the stars sitting in the grass makes me really glad I'm not poor.
Kelso: Man, check out that fire, baby. Yeah, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's turning a small fire into a big fire. Man, that one guitar-shaped log is roarin'. What the- Is that my guitar?
Hyde: Yep. It's got a nice, warm sound.
Kelso: Dead!

Jackie: Wait, wait. Guys? Guys, where's the van?
Kelso: I think it's obvious, Jackie. The Lady of the Lake stole it.
Hyde: Why would a ghost need a van?
Kelso: What's she gonna do, hitch a ride? Who's gonna pick up a ghost?
Hyde: And you're telling me you can't decide between us?
Donna: Oh, my God. Fez and Laurie. They probably took it to mess with us.
Eric: Aw, man. I'm gonna kill them.
Kelso: Eric, if I'm right about the Lady of the Lake, and I think I am... they might already be dead.

Red: I can't believe those morons missed their own graduation.
Bob: My whole life I waited to hear the Pinciotti name called at graduation. When they skipped from Olendorff to Stevens, a little part of me died.
Joanne: Come on. Let's get you a hoagie.

Red: Kitty. We've got to have a little conversation about those pills you're taking.
Kitty: These things? I think they're working wonders. You know, I didn't cry once when Eric got his diploma. I just smiled and took his picture.
Red: That wasn't Eric. That was some skinny girl with a Dorothy Hamill haircut.
Kitty: It's not fair, Red. You- You teach your children how to- how to walk, to- to use a fork to-to look both ways before crossing the street, and then one day you realize, all you're doing is teaching them how to leave. We should never have potty-trained him.
Red: Listen, Kitty. We did the kid thing and it was... great. But now I'm looking forward to it just being the two of us again. This is our time. Let's enjoy it.
Kitty: You're right, Red. I don't need those. [chuckles] Whenever I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I'll just come talk to you.
Red: And I'll just give you one of these. [Kitty laughs]

Eric: Hey, what kind of a moron leaves the keys in the ignition?
Kelso: When I put the keys in my pocket, it distracts from my natural bulge. God!

Donna: More dishes? I thought we already loaded these. [opens box] You had to bring the Millennium Falcon?

Hyde: What a bunch of crap, man.
Kelso: You know, freaking girls, if it wasn't for the soft skin, the legs, the eyes, the long fingernails, the butts and the boobs, I wouldn't even talk to 'em.