Dina: I picked you up some samples.
Garrett: There's like 50 condoms in here.
Dina: Show some gratitude. They're for your penis.
Garrett: Thank you?
Dina: You're welcome. Now did Amy say anything to you about what she was doing yesterday?
Garrett: No.
Dina: Would you tell me if she did?
Garrett: No.
Dina: You don't deserve these.
Garrett: Okay, fine, I don't like condoms anyway.
Dina: Well played. Now I call first dibs, but you can use those with whoever you want... I mean, me, someone else, solo work.
Garrett: Solo work?

Mateo: So according to your wellness chart, you should shave that mustache.
Man: Can I see that?
Mateo: Shave it. You'll thank me later.

Dina: Hey. Did Amy say anything to you about where she was yesterday?
Mateo: Uh, what? Uh, no, why? Um... I don't know, you know. She's always yap-yapping about something.
Dina: You know, something suspicious is going on. What she described to me yesterday... I just can't even figure out the mechanics of it.
Mateo: Huh.

Justine: So she just invented the entire relationship?
Myrtle: She's a maniac.
Marcus: Ew, I just realized that pair of Jeff's underwear that she showed me probably weren't even Jeff's. That's so gross.
Myrtle: She's definitely out of wine club.
Amy: Wait, you guys have a wine club?
Marcus: Yeah, we're trying to keep it small.

Amy: Look, this really is none of your business, you know. You... you don't even know the whole story. It you knew the whole story, you wouldn't think she was a maniac. What's the whole story?
Garrett: [mutters] Don't do it.
Amy: The whole story is that she did date Jeff. It was very intense, and then they broke up.
Cheyenne: Yup, they broke up. It happened on a Tuesday.
Amy: See? Confirmation.
Marcus: So she got dumped, but then lied and told everyone they were still dating? Why would she do that?
Myrtle: 'Cause she's a maniac.
Amy: No. That is a good question, and we asked her that question, and what she said made a lot of sense. She told us that...
Cheyenne: She's pregnant.
Garrett: And the raptors have breached the fence.

Justine: She's pregnant?
Amy: Yes!
Glenn: Who's pregnant?
Amy: Nobody.
Myrtle: The maniac.
Justine: Sandra.
Glenn: Sandra? That is wonderful.
Marcus: I knew it. You can tell by the glow. I always know.
Glenn: I'm gonna go congratulate her.
Amy: No, no, Glenn, uh, she doesn't want anybody to know yet, so we can't mention it to her.
Garrett: Yeah, we should probably wait 'til she inevitably starts showing.

Glenn: Oh! We could plan a baby shower. And what if the theme was babies? Or manufacturing?
Marcus: Oh, I know. Breaking Bad.
Myrtle: "Arabian Nights."
Justine: No one likes "Arabian Nights"!
Amy: Okay, no baby shower, guys. You're making a big deal out of this, and she doesn't even know if she's gonna keep it. [all gasp]
Glenn: What?
Marcus: Ooh.
Glenn: No, you don't mean she's gonna...
Cheyenne: Uh-huh. Yeah, she might do it on a Wednesday.
Amy: Okay, we're good on the days.

Glenn: Look at this. [laughs] Oh! Oh! Bear-bear. You know, sometimes I like to walk around the store, and just think of all the things that make life wonderful. You know, like, um, rivers and lunch and soccer and... Crime? No, not crime. Uh, streams! Well, that's a cousin of rivers. And babies. I love babies.
Sandra: Horses?
Glenn: Sure, horses, but what about babies?
Sandra: Yeah. Babies are cute.
Glenn: You'd make a great mommy.
Sandra: Thanks?
Glenn: Okay. Let's keep walking. Hey, what do you think is the worst Supreme Court decision of all time?

Mateo: Hey, guys, did you hear? Sandra's pregnant with my boyfriend's baby.
Garrett: Oh, yeah, there's a card going around.
Mateo: This is why people don't tell you things.
Amy: I'm gonna fix it. Look, we could... we could say that it was a phantom pregnancy. I've heard of that.
Garrett: "Sandra, this must be a giant surprise for you. Love, Garrett."

Cheyenne: Okay, what if we say that Jeff has a twin brother, and Sandra has been dating him?
Garrett: So the Jeff that Sandra's been talking about is Jeff's twin brother, Jeff?
Cheyenne: Yes.
Garrett: Oh, that sounds real.
Amy: Well, at least she's thinking of things.
Mateo: You guys are idiots.