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Wellness Fair

‘Wellness Fair’

Season 2, Episode 16 -  Aired February 23, 2017

After Amy lies about being sick so she can go to the movies, she uncovers Mateo and Jeff's secret. Meanwhile, Glenn is fed up with Jonah always thinking he knows best.

Quote from Amy

Amy: So that's why you didn't want me talking about people's love lives... because you had a little secret of your own.
Garrett: Okay.
Amy: Are we gonna get a destination wedding? Like, how many cute little Garrett-Dina babies are you gonna have? Garrett Junior?
Garrett: Hey, Dina, Amy went to go see Lego Batman yesterday.
Dina: [on the phone] I'm gonna have to call you back. [hangs up] What in the name of God is Lego Batman?

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Quote from Mateo

Amy: Okay, look, I saw you at the movie theater yesterday with Jeff.
Mateo: [clears throat] Can we please not talk about this here?
Amy: Talk about what, Mateo? The fact that I saw you making out with Sandra's boyfriend?
Mateo: Ssh. Okay. He's not her boyfriend. He's my boyfriend.
Amy: What?
Mateo: I've been seeing him since October.
Amy: That doesn't make any sense. No, you haven't.
Mateo: That's us on a picnic. That's us at the pool in his hotel. That's us as Nick Nolte and Barbara Streisand in Prince of Tides.

Quote from Amy

Glenn: What has happened to this store?
Amy: Me. I happened. This is me. This is my fault. I opened the cage, or whatever. I've never seen Jurassic Park. [all gasp]
Dina: What?
Amy: Okay, that is not what we're dealing with right now.

Quote from Dina

Glenn: Don't worry, uh, Tori can cover your shift. You just get some rest.
Amy: [on phone] [coughs] Thanks, Glenn.
Dina: Hey, is that Amy?
Glenn: Yeah. She's got a terrible cold.
Dina: Oh, no. Hey, sweetie. You sound terrible... shrill, but in a different way.
Amy: Yeah... [coughs] It's pretty bad.
Dina: Uh-huh. Hey, Ames, can you hold on a sec? [presses button] Yeah, she's faking.
Glenn: No, she is not.
Dina: Glenn, I love Amy like a sister, and she is a liar and a fraud, like my sister.
Amy: I'm still on, by the way.
Dina: Hey, sweetie!

Quote from Dina

Dina: I mean, I'm just saying, we're friends, so if you did play hooky yesterday, you can totally tell me.
Amy: I wasn't. [coughs]
Dina: Are you sure you should be drinking coffee? Caffeine mixed with cold medication can have the same effects as meth.
Amy: Really? I've never heard that.
Dina: Oh, it's true.
Amy: I guess... [pours coffee down sink]
Dina: Yeah, all of it.

Quote from Sandra

Amy: Hey, Sandra. How's it going?
Sandra: Pretty good. Someone stole my cat again.
Dina: Excuse me, I'm having a conversation with Amy.
Amy: I think we were all caught up.
Dina: Are we?
Amy: How are things, Sandra. How's Jeff?
Sandra: Great. He might take me to Paris.
Amy: Aww, Paris? That sounds so serious.
Dina: I hate Paris. That place is just one giant gay ashtray.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: I love the Wellness Fair. We're gonna save a lot of lives today.
Jonah: It's mostly handing out informational pamphlets, right?
Glenn: And buttons.

Quote from Cheyenne

Amy: Hey, guys, if you knew that a friend's boyfriend was cheating on her with another one of your friends, would you say something?
Cheyenne: Hmm, that's a tough one. Is it Kylie or Emily?

Quote from Garrett

Amy: Okay, look, I wasn't actually home sick yesterday. I went to the movies, and I saw Jeff with... Mateo... [whispers] Kissing each other.
Garrett: Wow!
Cheyenne: Weird.
Garrett: Whoa.
Cheyenne: Hmm.
Garrett: Woof.

Quote from Glenn

Jonah: Hey, where should I put these cups?
Glenn: Put them over there with the rest of them. I set up a little juice station at the entrance... sort of a healthy treat to get people in the mood.
Jonah: You know, uh, juice actually isn't that healthy.
Glenn: Juice? It's from fruit. It's like the healthiest stuff on the planet.
Nurse Ella: He's right. Fruit juice is loaded with sugar.
Glenn: Oh, good to know. I guess Jonah's right, and I'm something else.

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