Marcus: Hey, you wanna donate to a good cause?
Jonah: I already told you, I'm not paying to get you veneers.

Glenn: [to Sandra] But now imagine taking this perfect little treasure, and throwing it in the garbage.
Jonah: Mm, mm-mm. Mm-mm. Hey, hey, hey. How are we doing? What's going on? What are we talking about?
Glenn: Nothing. Why don't you mind your own business?
Jonah: Oh, you know what, I will mind my own business, Glenn, as long as you don't mind Sandra's right to choose what she does with her body, right?
Sandra: I was thinking about getting all the tattoos from Moana.
Jonah: And I support that decision, because it's your choice.

Garrett: Well, the important thing is it all worked out horribly.

Dina: One day, totally fine. Next day, so sick she couldn't possibly work. Day after that, fine again.
Nurse Ella: It could be lupus, Crohn's disease, a parasite. Honestly, I would need a stool sample.
Dina: I can get one.

Jonah: Okay, Glenn. Glenn? I need you to hold your hand like this, and breathe through alternating nostrils, okay?
Amy: Wow, how do you know how to do that?
Jonah: The Red Cross. I helped earthquake-proof a hospital in Haiti.
Glenn: Well, bravo, it didn't work.
Jonah: No, it was after the... for the next one. You'll see. I mean, I hope you don't see.

Glenn: It was just low blood sugar. I shouldn't have tried to quit drinking juice cold turkey like that.

Jeff: Great, okay, uh, also, we have checked. We don't seem to have any training videos about not discussing abortion at work, because we just thought it was so obvious, but you guys managed to surprise us, so good job.
Cheyenne: Whoo!
Glenn: Don't lecture us on being responsible when we all know what you did to Sandra.
Jeff: Sandra? Who's Sandra? [all gasp]
Glenn: Who's Sandra? Just the woman who's pregnant with your bi-racial child.
Dina: In his defense, Sandra is extremely forgettable. Remember when we left her at Dave & Buster's on her birthday?
All: Yeah.
Sandra: I'm not pregnant.
Glenn: [gasps] Oh, God, am I too late?
Jeff: I'm very confused.

Marcus: Wait, so you didn't knock her up?
Jeff: No, I'm gay.
Glenn: Oh, yeah, right, you're gay, and I'm Lorenzo Lamas.
Jeff: Well, I am. I'm gay.
Glenn: But you're so... blah.

Dina: Well, wait, then who's dating Sandra?
Sandra: I made it up. I haven't been dating anyone.
Glenn: I mean, nothing here pops at all.
Jonah: Why would you make something like that up?
Myrtle: 'Cause she's a maniac.
Sandra: At first it was a misunderstanding, and then I just started liking the attention. For the first time in my life, I was a star.

Mateo: I'm the one who's been dating Jeff. [all gasp] Okay, the whole time... me-me-me-me-me.
Jeff: Um... We were keeping that between us.
Glenn: I just don't get it. If you can be gay, that means anyone can be gay.
Mateo: Okay, well, you know, cat's out of the bag. Me and Jeff. Does anybody have any questions?
Jeff: Can we please keep this in this room? I'm not supposed to be dating anybody from one of the stores.
Dina: But casual sex is okay, right? 'Cause I've been banging Garrett on and off for a while now. [all gasp]
Garrett: Uh, that is correct.