Cheyenne: So now that you're becoming a floor worker, what do we call you?
Glenn: Glenn's fine.
Cheyenne: Glenn?
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Cheyenne: Feels weird.

Garrett: Oh, hey. Hi, Laurie. It's, uh... Uh, been a minute. Um, is your hair the same?
Laurie: Yes.
Cheyenne: Sorry, we were just watching HotNuts.
Laurie: What's HotNuts?
Garrett: YouTube guy pours hot liquids on his genitals. Beverages, soups.
Laurie: Hmm, sounds brilliant.

Laurie: So why don't you go do that now, okay? Nice to see you guys.
Cheyenne: Man, I really wanted to show you the Thanksgiving one he did.
Garrett: Ah, does he pour hot gravy down his pants?
Cheyenne: Yeah, but he does it with his dad. It's really nice.

Glenn: Gosh, you know, everything in here has a story, like this hole punch. Okay, it's only supposed to be able to do 18 pages, but one day, I got it to do 25. I went straight home and made love to Jerusha that day.
Jonah: Well, that's a story I'll remember.
Glenn: Oh, yeah. You like it? You should have it.
Jonah: Oh, uh, no, I... I...
Glenn: Oh no, come on, please. You love it. Take it.

Mateo: Um, if he gets a hole punch, can I get this bag full of cash?
Jonah: Whoa!
Glenn: Oh, that's my rainy day fund. Corporate sets aside a certain amount of the budget for miscellaneous maintenance, so whenever we don't use it, I just take out in cash and set it aside. You know, just in case.
Jonah: But they think you spent this on maintenance.
Glenn: Yeah, and I would have if I needed to, but I didn't. So just leave it there for the next manager.
Jonah: Wait, so so you told them you spent money you didn't spend.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Jonah: Then you took the money and kept it in a bag hidden in your office.
Glenn: Yeah.
Jonah: Isn't that embezzlement?
Glenn: [scoffs] No, embezzlement is when you put jewels on your jacket.
Jonah: I think you mean bedazzling.
Mateo: Which is also a crime.

Garrett: [sobbing]
Jonah: Glenn, it's it's going to be okay. Just just breathe and drink your juice.
Glenn: [coughing]
Jonah: Well, not at the same time, obviously.

Mateo: Maybe they won't even realize it's gone.
Glenn: They do an audit every time there's a management change at the store. I think they're going to notice $27,000 missing.
Jonah: You can't just return it?
Glenn: No, 'cause I already told them that I spent it.
Mateo: Okay, maybe this helps. I found this jacket online. It's beaded, it's exactly $27,000. So add to cart?
Glenn: Spending it isn't going to help.
Jonah: Actually, it might.
Glenn: What?
Mateo: Yes! Glenn, can I borrow $2,000 for sales tax?

Dina: Laurie Neustadt, you are in violation of rule 17-B of Cloud 9 hiring policy. So you either interview Amy, or I file a 31-J with Kyle Robichot, and you do not want me filing a 31-J with Kyle Robichot.
Laurie: So that's your move? You're forcing me to interview you.
Amy: I- I- I-
Laurie: Fine. Whatever, let's just get this over with.
Dina: Knock 'em dead.

Amy: So, should I start with my qualifications?
Laurie: So I don't really think that you are qualified, but, you know, it is your interview, so...
Amy: Okay, all right, um, well, I've been at Cloud 9 for 15 years. I have strong relationships with the staff, and over time, we have really built a mutual respect and trust. [Laurie picks up her phone] Um, sorry, do you need a minute?
Laurie: No, I'm fine. No. Keep going.
Amy: Okay, uh, well, as far as specifics go-
Man: [on video] Yo, yo, yo, it's HotNuts here. I've undertaken a number of initiatives.
Amy: [loudly] Uh, for starters, I streamlined our go-backs process so that we waste less time in restock, and also I reorganized the women's wear section so that basics like camisoles and strapless bras were easier to find during wedding season.
Man: Oh, God! They look really bad!
Amy: I'm not getting this job, am I?
Laurie: No.

Mateo: All right, I got a real grab bag! I've got hammers and wrenches, crowbars.
Jonah: What do we need a bow and arrow for?
Mateo: I don't know. It felt of the world.