Marcus: You got to do what's for the greater good. If you could cure cancer, but you had to blow up a bus full of children, wouldn't you do it?
Amy: I mean, I guess?
Jonah: Just take the job. You're not just doing it for you. You're doing it for all of us.
Amy: I mean, I guess I would be better than Blaine.
Jonah: Yeah.
Marcus: Hey, Amy, guess what? One of the kids on that bus had the cure. [crunch]
Justine: Twist ending.

Jonah: Glenn, you're not going to go to prison, okay? It's fine. We- We just need to do about what, 12 grand worth of damage in- In the next hour.
Mateo: Oh. We have fertilizer in the garden center. We can make a bomb.
Jonah: I feel like going from embezzlement to domestic terrorism is the wrong direction.
Mateo: We could hire termites to eat the store.
Jonah: How do you hire termites?
Mateo: I don't know, with wood?

Glenn: And guys, I say this a lot, but we really need to wet down those raccoon droppings before we sweep.
Dry sweeping is the reason why those roundworm eggs go airborne. God, I just realized this is the last time I'm going to tell you guys to spray your droppings.
Justine: Aww.

Cheyenne: [streaming] Hey guys, you won't be hearing from me for the next five hours, but don't worry, I haven't been kidnapped. I just can't use my phone. But if you don't hear from me after that, I probably have been kidnapped, and it was probably my uncle. He's really nice, but just statistically...
Garrett: Stay strong. You'll be out before you know it. [both sigh]
Cheyenne: Oh, shoot. I forgot my phone.
Garrett: Cheyenne.
Cheyenne: Oh, yeah.

Dina: Ugh, I can't wait to have a manager that's not a paunchy idiot with elf hair.
Amy: Well, it's not gonna be me. Laurie won't even let me interview for the job. She's already decided who she's hiring.
Dina: Whoa. It sounds like you need to go take a big, fat 17-B on her desk.
Amy: Eww. What are you talking about?
Dina: Rule 17-B.
Amy: 17-B?
Dina: Come on, you know 17-B. 17-B. B as in boy. Rule 17-B.
Amy: You can't just keep saying it-
Dina: Any employee who completes the Cloud 9 Academy should be granted an interview if... If a management position becomes available at their...
Amy: Dina, just say it.
Dina: At their store. Okay? She literally has to let you interview.
Amy: She's already decided who she's hiring, so what's the point?
Dina: The point is you should get to make your case. Look, if you feel awkward asking her, I'm happy to come back you up.

Garrett: Look, it's only a couple more hours. It's the length of a movie. If I can sit through The Hitman's Bodyguard, I can make it through this.
Cheyenne: The Hitman's Bodyguard?
Garrett: Yeah. You didn't see that? Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, and uh, the other guy. He always plays a bad dude. Uh, he's British.
Cheyenne: David Beckham.
Garrett: No.
Cheyenne: He's British.
Garrett: Yeah, I know, but that's not who I'm- It's, uh... [goes to grab phone] Oh! Okay, you know who I'm talking about. He's in everything. He was in Harry Potter.
Cheyenne: Oh, Daniel Radcliffe!
Garrett: No.
Cheyenne: Daniel Radcliffe is British.
Garrett: Yeah, I know. Okay?

Marcus: So you could've had the job, but you turned it down?
Amy: Guys, I'm not going to blackmail my way into being the manager. I should get it because I earned it.
Dina: Right, just like Blaine earned it by coming out of the district manager.
Mateo: He was born into power like Prince Charles. At least you're working for it like Meghan Markle.

Mateo: Does this mean Dina's gonna be manager?
Dina: No, thank you. Though I will outrank Glenn, who will be right below Marcus and just above Jonah.
Garrett: You rank us?
Jonah: And I'm below Marcus?
Marcus: That's crazy. I'm the worst.
Dina: It's that kind of self-awareness that keeps you a notch above Jonah.

Garrett: Um, are you scrolling a block of cheese?
Cheyenne: Ugh, I miss my phone!
Garrett: Yeah, I know.

Glenn: [over PA] Attention Cloud 9 shoppers and employees. I, uh... I just wanted to take this moment to, uh... Uh, to... to say goodbye. This is my last day as manager here. I am stepping down to spend more time with my family.
Jonah: Pretty emotional for a guy who only demoted himself to floor worker.
Garrett: Yeah, you'd think he'd mention that part.
Amy: No, he's getting to it. He's been doing the same speech every hour. He wants to cover as many customers as possible. I've heard it five times. He's getting really good at it.
Glenn: ... My second family. While you've been helping people find light bulbs and paper towels, you've also been helping me find myself.