Elaine: So where do you wanna eat?
David Puddy: Feels like an Arby's night.
Elaine: Arby's. Beef and cheese and... Do you believe in God?
David Puddy: Yes.
Elaine: Oh. So, you're pretty religious?
David Puddy: That's right.
Elaine: So is it a problem that I'm not really religious?
David Puddy: Not for me.
Elaine: Why not?
David Puddy: I'm not the one going to hell.

David Puddy: [laughs] We took it to you. You couldn't get it out of your zone all night. We were aggressive. We didn't let you penetrate!
Kramer: All right, that's enough out of you, there's still three more games left in this series, my friend, and it's far from being over. Very far from being over. [an energized Puddy walks out into the street] Watch out!
[The car, carrying an elderly priest, stops short of hitting Puddy]
David Puddy: Hey, what are you doing?! Watch where you're driving, man! Don't mess with the Devils, buddy. We're number one. We beat anybody. We're the Devils! The Devils! Ha!
Father Hernandez: El Diablo! Dios mio! El Diablo!

David Puddy: Hey, great dip. You made this?
Elaine: No, it's from the store.
David Puddy: Oh. Hey, how come people don't have dip for dinner? Why is it only a snack? Why can't it be a meal, you know? I don't understand stuff like that.

David Puddy: All right, what did I do?
Elaine: David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My god, the heat! I mean, what do you think about all that?
David Puddy: Gonna be rough.
Elaine: Uh, you should be trying to save me!
David Puddy: Don't boss me! This is why you're going to hell.
Elaine: I am not going to hell and if you think I'm going to hell, you should care that I'm going to hell, even though I am not.
David Puddy: You stole my Jesus fish, didn't you?
Elaine: Yeah, that's right!

David Puddy: So what do you think?
Elaine: What is that?
David Puddy: I painted my face.
Elaine: You painted your face?
David Puddy: Yeah.
Elaine: Why?
David Puddy: You know, support the team.
Elaine: Well, you can't walk around like that.
David Puddy: Why not?
Elaine: Because it's insane?
David Puddy: Hey, you gotta let them know you're out there. This is the playoffs.

Elaine: What is that?
David Puddy: That's the letter D.
Elaine: Why is the letter D painted on your chest?
David Puddy: Well, I'm going to the game tonight, and me and these five other guys are gonna take our shirts off and spell out 'Devils'.
Elaine: But you said no more painting.
David Puddy: No, I said no more face painting. And as you can see, this is not my face.
Elaine: Yeah, that's right.

Father Curtis: Let me see if I understand this. You're concerned that he isn't concerned that you're going to hell. And you feel that she's too bossy.
Elaine and David Puddy: Yeah, that's right.
Father Curtis: Well, oftentimes in cases of inter-faith marriages, couples have
difficulty--
Elaine: Whoa, whoa, whoa. No one's getting married here.
Father Curtis: You aren't?
David Puddy: No.
Elaine: We're just, you know, having a good time.
Father Curtis: Oh. Well, then it's simple. You're both going to hell.
David Puddy: No way. This is bogus, man!
Elaine: Well, thank you father.
Father Curtis: Oh, did you hear the one about the new guy in hell who's talking to the devil by the coffee machine?
David Puddy: I'm really not in the mood. I'm going to hell.
Elaine: Oh, lighten up. It'll only feel like an eternity.

Jerry: Hey, what's the story? I hear you're doing my move.
David Puddy: What move?
Jerry: What move? My move. The one I told you about. You used it on Elaine.
David Puddy: Your move? What, are you kidding? I was doing that before I knew you. All you told me about was the ending.
Jerry: The ending is the whole thing. Without the ending, it's nothing. You had nothing.
David Puddy: Oh, that ending was so obvious. I would have figured it out anyway. I didn't need you to tell me that stupid twist.
Jerry: Swirl.
David Puddy: Whatever. I don't even do it.
Jerry: Oh, yeah, I know. You do the pinch.
David Puddy: Yeah, that's right.

Elaine: [under the covers] Oh, god! Oh, god, Dave! Oh, yes! Yes!
David Puddy: [gets out from under the covers] No, I'm sorry.
Elaine: What?!!
David Puddy: I can't do the move.
Elaine: What?
David Puddy: Oh, he's ruined it for me.
Elaine: Oh, oh, come on, please?
David Puddy: No, he called me a hack. I'm just not into doing it anymore.
Elaine: Oh, so- So that's it?
David Puddy: I'll come up with some new stuff.

Peggy: It was very nice of you to bring the man you're currently sleeping with to talk to me, but I assure you, I don't have any problem with germs.
David Puddy: Don't you? Elaine.
[Elaine leans in towards Peggy]
Peggy: Please.
David Puddy: I know it looks bleak. I've been there. Ten years ago, waking up next to a woman like this would have sent me running for the pHisoHex.
Peggy: Really?
David Puddy: I still have trouble looking at those disgusting old bedroom slippers she slobs around in.
Elaine: Hey, I've had those since college. They're bunnies.
David Puddy: They're bacteria traps.
Peggy: So you just learned to live with it?
David Puddy: For the most part.
Elaine: Okay. We're broken up for the rest of the day.