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My Mirror Image

‘My Mirror Image’

Season 6, Episode 1 -  Aired November 30, 2006

J.D., Dr. Cox and the Janitor see a bit of themselves in hospital patients: J.D. struggles to accept the life-changing news that Kim is pregnant, Dr. Cox's anger is causing problems at home, and the Janitor is caught up on finding new ways to torture J.D. Meanwhile, Elliot is upset that she's seemingly the only person in the hospital who isn't expecting a child.

Quote from Turk

Turk: Dude, please tell me you're not comparing getting cancer to knocking up your girlfriend.
J.D.: I was trying to! You can't pawn your personal stuff off on your patients! What about you and the motorcycle accident guy?
[flashback to Turk talking with a patient:]
Turk: So get this: My pregnant wife has decided that it's okay to steal my pillow in the middle of the night and sleep with it in between her legs!
Patient: When am I going in to surgery? Oh, we can't start the surgery until the troopers find your foot.
Turk: That was different. He said, "What's up?"


Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Hardly seems like much of a punishment for the kid from Kenya. I mean, God's sake, he could run all day.
Carla: You know, maybe Jordan's right maybe it's time you start dealing with your anger issues?
Dr. Cox: Carla, for something to be an issue, it needs to cause a problem. I mean, honestly, aside from having to by law remain thirty feet away from a certain telemarketer who I visited while he was eating his dinner, I don't see the downside.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Okay, on the night of said conception, uh, Kim and I nuded up, and, um, the dirty talk began, and I got a little over-excited.
Turk: Ooh! She like-a the dirty talk!
J.D.: No, I do. I find it gets the ladies going, but I occasionally get wrapped up in it myself, especially when I use some of my different voices.
Elliot: He does.
J.D.: Anyhoo, there was some unexpected friendly fire. And, even though I never got a chance to enter "the village", uh, there was a "airstrike" on one of the outlying regions. [Turk laughs, until Carla's tugs his ear] Anyway, I spoke to the gals up in OB-G, and they said it's not uncommon for a woman to get pregnant even if there was no actual penetration.
Turk: [strained] What you trying to tell us is that you never actually had sex with her?
J.D.: No, I didn't have a condom. [Turk, Carla and Elliot stifle laughter] And, uh, we decided not to have sex because... Here's the kicker. I didn't want to get her pregnant.
[Turk, Carla and Elliot break out laughing]

Quote from Turk

Kim: You seen J.D.?
[As J.D. hides in the car's footwell, he shakes his head to Turk]
Turk: I have not.
Kim: Any idea where he is?
[J.D. performs an elaborate gesture]
Turk: Teaching CPR to underprivileged youth at Lincoln Middle School on 18th Street.
J.D.: [v.o.] I can't believe he got that! We are so ready for that charades tournament on Saturday!
[Turk smiles at J.D.]
Kim: Come on, Turk, where is he?
Turk: You know, Kim, I'm sorry but I really have no idea.
[Turk stretches his arms like he's yawning, pointing to J.D.]
J.D.: [v.o.] Traitor!
[J.D. uses his head to hit the accelerater pedal]

Quote from Elliot

Dr. Cox: Hey, space-wasters, why haven't any of you placed a pulmonary artery cath on this guy?
Elliot: [quietly] Hey, let's try to use our inside voice around the interns. We don't want to scare them.
Dr. Cox: What kind of new crazy is this?
Carla: Oh, Elliot snapped a little and decided the interns were her babies.
Elliot: [baby talk] Oops, Jakey. Somebody's got a little smudgie on his face. There you go.

Quote from J.D.

Turk: Dude, what the hell am I supposed to tell Kim when she asks why I drove off like that?
J.D.: Tell her you hate white chicks. And then when she says, "No you don't," you say, "I mean White Chicks the movie. Not a fan of those Wayans brothers." Then she'll laugh and forget why she was mad at you.
Turk: You're right! That'll work.

Quote from Turk

J.D.: You have no idea what I'm going through.
Turk: Really? Cause the last time I checked, I was having a kid, too.
J.D.: Yeah, that you planned with your wife, whose middle name you know. It's Juanita, Turk! Carla's middle name is Juanita!
Turk: I knew it was something Puerto Rican.

Quote from Todd

Turk: Yo! Elliot. what's your ringtone?
Elliot: "Jesus Takes The Wheel" by Carrie Underwood.
Todd: I'm carrying underwood right now. See, that's funny because it's true. [holds hand for high-five] Please?
Elliot: [high-fives Todd] But that's all you get for the rest of the year, Todd.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I spent my free time getting coworkers I just met pregnant.
J.D.: You're pregnant? Are you sure?
Kim: I'm pretty sure.
J.D.: Uh, Kim, I'm not really sure how to phrase this, so I'm just gonna dive right in: Have there been other penises?
Kim: It's yours, J.D.
J.D.: Cool.
Kim: Are you okay?
J.D.: [v.o.] [screams]

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] No problem. I'll just go chill at my deck with a little vino. Unfortunately, it was still a hangout spot for gay seniors.
[ABBA's "Dancing Queen" plays]
J.D.: All right! That's enough! I have seen "Les Mis" over a dozen times, so I have nothing against giant queens per se, all right? In fact, my life would be a whole lot easier if I was married to one of you guys. Excuse me. [passes out]
Old Man: You heard him, girls? Let's roll!

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