Todd: Dude. We're goin' to the caf. so I can tell all the boys about my date with Strangely Attractive Intern! You in?
Carla: I think that Turk is a little more mature than that.
Turk: She's right. But still, honey, what I think you're missing here is that, not only is she attractive, but she's strangely attractive. [off Carla's look] Guys, I can't go!
Todd: "I'll miss you" high-five!

Elliot: Okay, yes! J.D. and I work together, but it's not like we're crazy close. I mean, it's not like we have all these inside jokes. And we definitely don't do this. [phone rings]
J.D.: [on answer phone, with comedy voice] Good evening, Elliot! This is your great aunt Sally. Are you there?
Elliot: I have to get that.
J.D.: I guess you're at Sean's. Hey, good thing we're so crazy close, or I wouldn't know how to impersonate your aunt Sally! By the way, I ran into Eye Patch this morning. Said to tell you, "Honka! Honka!"
Elliot: [laughs] It's just an inside... joke.

Turk: Scalpel.
Carla: Scalpel what?
Turk: Scalpel, please.
Carla: Here you go, baby. Sorry: Dr. Baby. [laughs]
Dr. Wen: Shall we proceed, Dr. Baby?
Carla: You know, Buppy, this guy looks a lot like your waxer!
Todd: The Todd says, What now?
Carla: Nothing! She meant her waxer, 'cause we're... We're working, guys.
Dr. Wen: No, no, no. I wanna hear this.
Carla: It's no big deal. I make Turk wax his chest so he doesn't give me a rash.
Todd: Oh, okay. Does she also make you wax your vagina? [Todd and Dr. Wen laugh] Sterile high-five!

Elliot: Are you even gonna talk to me? I'm sorry, okay? I didn't tell you that I slept with J.D. and that was a mistake. And, yes, we do talk all the time and have all these inside jokes, and he met my great aunt Sally when she came to the hospital with my demented great uncle who wears an eye patch and goes "Honka! Honka!" when he poops.

Woman: Love your Hair-met.
J.D.: Love yours!

J.D.: [v.o.] It was amazing to see how much Dr. Cox actually wanted this job. And how much he was willing to put up with to get it!
Man: So, the wife and I ended up buying Egyptian cotton bed sheets.
Dr. Cox: Gee, you're too much. What's the thread count on those bad boys?
J.D.: [v.o.] I guess it was just amazing to see how much he cared.
Dr. Cox: [laughs, bangs head against wall]

Turk: The truth is, you never asked me how I felt about us working together. Plus, you embarrassed me in front of my co-workers. You were a pain.
Carla: You know what? Maybe I was a pain, but do you know how many times you're a pain and I just let it go? Like when we're at home and you follow me from room to room, even when I go to the bathroom!
Turk: I like to be with you.
Carla: Pain. Or how you've decided that me making eye contact with you is my way of saying, "Please, grab my breasts." Don't. Or that Aaron Neville impression you've been working on?
Turk: I don't do an Aaron Neville impre-
Carla: Laverne!
[Laverne plays a recording of Turk singing "I Don't Know Much"]
Carla: But the biggest pain of all is that you know I'd go into that operating room with you if you just apologized; but you're too stubborn to do that, aren't you?
Turk: I am now!

Elliot: Laverne, did you ever notice that in hospitals, even though you're surrounded by, like, hundreds of people, it's still so easy to get lost in your own thoughts?
Nurse Roberts: Have you been drinkin'?

Elliot: [v.o.] What's wrong with me? Here I am trying not to let fear ruin my life anymore, and then Sean moves away and I don't even have the guts to tell him how I feel.
J.D.: [v.o.] ...how I feel. I mean, life's too short not to go for it with Elliot. Plus, now Sean's out of the picture? Stop being such a chicken!
Turk: [v.o.] ...such a chicken! I know it's a complicated procedure, but I can do it without Carla there! What am I so scared of?
Dr. Cox: [v.o.] ...what am I so scared of? That I might actually get this job, and have no one to blame it on if I fail? Good Lord, I'm pathetic! When was the last time...
Carla: [v.o.] When was the last time he ever apologized for anything? I wanna help him, I do, but in a lot of ways I guess I'm as stubborn as he is. I wish I could make some sense out of...
Janitor: [v.o.] I wish I could make some sense out of this. Thirty cents, to be exact. Damn riddle! Easy, Janitor; you'll get this.

Dr. Kelso: So, shall we all just agree that Dr. Steadman is our new residency director and get the hell out of here?
Dr. Steadman: If anyone wants to stop by my condo to celebrate, my husband made sangria!
Dr. Kelso: Hmm.
Dr. Cox: Howdy, fellas. Don't you dare get up, I don't want to see any broken hips.
J.D.: [v.o.] A lot of times, pride can be pretty hard to swallow.
Dr. Cox: Would you please help me?
Jordan: So, I think we should make Perry residency director.
Dr. Kelso: [laughs] You honestly think the board would pick him because you had his love-baby?
Jordan: Oh, I don't know. Of course, if they don't, I'm gonna bitch and moan about it until these nice gentlemen are dead.
Man: All those in favor of Dr. Cox?
[All hands go up]
Dr. Cox: So I guess this pretty much makes me your bitch now.
Jordan: Oh, Perry, you always were.