Ted: Now, you haven't discussed the lawsuit with Mr. Bragin, have you?
[flashback:]
Elliot: A lawsuit?
[present:]
Elliot: It sort of came up, yeah.
Ted: Oh, God! Tell me you didn't antagonize him.
[flashback:]
Elliot: So sue me!
[present:]
Ted: Or admit fault.
[flashback:]
Elliot: That is totally my fault.
[present:]
Ted: Oh, come on! A good lawyer couldn't win this case.
Dr. Kelso: Ah, new drapes. They're awful.

J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox, I'm sorry. I was frustrated before, so now I'm here, why don't you go ahead and tell me what I forgot?
Dr. Cox: Can I? Really?
J.D.: Sure. Hit me.
Dr. Cox: How about go to hell, Shakira?
J.D.: What?
Dr. Cox: What? Now you've decided you're ready to listen, how does it work? You gonna pull a string on my back? Well, step right up and give it a tug. But I bet it keeps coming up, "Go to hell, Shakira."
J.D.: Why do you always have to be like that? You know, I try harder than anyone in this place and you never give me any credit.
Dr. Cox: Now, you listen to me, Newbie. I'm not doing this because I get my jollies being your mentor, and I'm damn sure not doing it so years from now I can say, "Boy, I knew him when." I'm doing it because if I don't, people would die.
J.D.: Thanks for your help.

Elliot: You know what, Mr. Bragin? I figured something out.
Mr. Bragin: That damn nurse broke my bed.
Elliot: That's just it. You blame everyone else for anything that goes wrong in your life. Like this. The nurse didn't break your bed. You just press this button. All right, it is broken. The point is, if you hate your job, maybe you need to switch careers. If you can't get into a relationship, maybe you have problems with commitment, eh? And I know I'm right because I'm the exact same way. I blame my parents for not preparing me for the real world. I blame this hospital for taking up all of my time. I'm even blaming you for jeopardizing my future. But you know what? It's time for me to grow up and start holding myself accountable. And I'm doing it.
Mr. Bragin: Good for you.
Elliot: You're still suing me, aren't you?
Mr. Bragin: Yeah, but I feel like now you'll be able to handle it. [clicks tongue]

Turk: You know what? We're just gonna have to get him fixed. The good news is, he doesn't need to go to a vet. We could just pop these things right off. [The neighbor chuckles] Yes! Baby, you have got to tell J.D., because he is not gonna believe it.

Carla: Jordan was right about me. I'm insecure and I judge people to cover up for it. I mean, even right now, all I can think about is to tell you you're a surgeon now, and if you want to be taken seriously you have to start acting like an adult.
Turk: You had to say all of that?
Carla: Well, you have a habit of not listening to things unless people spell them out for you. Oh, my God, I can't stop.
Turk: Baby, maybe it's something you need to work on.
Carla: I promise you, I will never ever tell you what to do, ever again.
Turk: Yeah, you will. But with me it's OK, because I love you. Besides, I barely listen anyway. C'mon, Rowdy. Let's go, boy. Let's head up the fourth floor. Whoa! Whoa, boy! Slow down!

Carla: How're you holding up, hon?
Elliot: OK.
Turk: Yo, talk about a deluxe apartment in the sky. Elliot, it would really suck to lose this place. Then again, Elliot, this place is... Is that a Jacuzzi on your deck?

Elliot: Lately, I just feel like I'm drowning, you know?
J.D.: This pear is delicious. Need help packing?
J.D.: [v.o.] As bad as things were for Elliot-
J.D.: Oh, God, that's good.
J.D.: [v.o.] they were going pretty well for me.

J.D.: [v.o.] By showing up Dr. Cox, I told the world I was no longer a child. I was the man.
Man #1: Great diagnosis.
J.D.: You!
Man #2: There's Mr. Flesh-Eating Bacteria, huh?
[fantasy:]
Woman: Doctor, could you sign these, please? [unbuttons top]
J.D.: Sure. "To my two biggest fans".
[reality:]
Woman: Yeah, they're called "breasts."
J.D.: I know. I'm a doctor.

Jordan: I hear wonder boy spanked your ass harder than I usually do.
Dr. Cox: Such a lucky fetus! Not another damn word.
Jordan: Yeah, I'll say whatever I want.

Carla: Dr. Cox and I go way back. I just hate to see him setting himself up to get hurt again. I'm gonna talk to him.
Turk: Here we go.
Carla: What? Where we go?
Turk: Sometimes you have a habit of telling other people how to live their lives and maybe, possibly, sometimes people don't appreciate it, that's... A little.
Carla: Please! When do I ever get involved in people's personal business?