[As Carla reminisces about her best moment in medicine:]
Dr. Mickhead: Dammit.
Carla: Little club soda will take that right out.
Dr. Mickhead: Thanks, Carla!
Carla: You're welcome, doctor.
[present:]
Dr. Cox: [whistles] Carla? What's going on up there?
Carla: I'm sorry, I was just thinking about the last time a doctor actually listened to me.

Dr. Cox: Did you get the results of the scan?
J.D.: They came back negative. I feel like we're missing something in his patient history.
Carla: When he came in, Mr. Milligan said that he and his son had been wrestling and goofing around.
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, he just might have goof-arounditis.
J.D.: We should also check him for the silly-willies.

Carla: It's okay, they're just stressed out.
Janitor: Any time a doctor disrespects me, I respond with a little note.
[flashback to the Janitor sticking the final piece of chewed gum on Turk's car to read "Gum goes in the trash!":]
Janitor: [clenches jaw] Wah. Worth it!

[As Turk reminisces about his best moment in medicine, Turk is in the O.R. as Dr. Wen stands outside and uses a stopwatch as another operation proceeds in the other surgical suite:]
Nurse: You can do this, Dr. Turk.
Turk: Okay! Time!
Dr. Wen: Well, it's official. Dr. Turk is now the fastest appendectomy in the hospital.
Turk: In your face, Dr. Beardface!
Dr. Beardface: It's Beardfacè!

J.D.: Come on, it turns out Mr. Milligan has a ruptured spleen. We're prepping him for surgery in room C.
Turk: That's the room where the family gets to observe.
J.D.: So?
Turk: Dude, you don't understand. When I operate, I don't see a person, I see a machine with parts that need to be replaced and circuits that need to be rewired.
J.D.: So you think you're a robot mechanic?
Turk: As a surgeon, the more detached I am, the more focused I am. And it's pretty impossible to feel focused or detached when this guy's family's watching every move I make.
J.D.: Well, I wouldn't worry about that. Mr. Milligan only has a son and Elliot lost him.
Turk: Awesome. [laughs] For me. For me.

Tyler: Is that fun?
Dr. Kelso: No, son. It's work. But this body didn't happen by accident.
Tyler: Well, you know what I think is fun? Baseball.
Dr. Kelso: My son is a big baseball fan. Not so much playing it, but more the designing and sewing of uniforms.
Tyler: That's neat.
Dr. Kelso: No, it's not.
Tyler: Maybe we can play catch sometime.
Dr. Kelso: I hope so, young man.
Elliot: Oh, thank God. Tyler, there you are. Sorry, Dr. Kelso, this is Mr. Milligan's son. Come on, Tyler. Thought you were gonna get some Yoo-Hoo and then come right back?
Dr. Kelso: [on the phone] Mabel, this is Bob Kelso. Uh, what's say we juggle some things and see if we can't free-ride Mr. Milligan financially for a while, okay? Yes, this is really Bob Kelso!

Elliot: Don't run off on me again, Tyler.
Tyler: Sorry. I got scared. And when I get scared I hide. I know it's stupid.
Elliot: It's not stupid. Wanna know where I used to hide when I used to get scared? This closet right here. And the one on the second floor. Oh, and there's also this broken MRI machine down in the basement. It's like my own private cocoon.
Tyler: You really got scared?
Elliot: Yeah. Everybody does here at first. Check this out.
[Elliot opens the closet door to reveal a sobbing intern]
Tyler: Cool.
Elliot: Hang in there, Steve.
Steve: In med school, they never teach you how to deal with death- [door closes]
Elliot: Steve'll be stronger if he gets through this on his own.

Turk: Uh, hey, Elliot? Can I talk to you in private?
Elliot: Parlez-vous Franais?
Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot: Turk, je crois que Tyler se sentirais mieux s'il pouvait observer l'opration, d'accord? [I think Tyler would feel better if he could watch the operation, okay?]
Turk: J'ai une tour eiffel dans mon pantalon. [I have an Eiffel Tower in my pants.]
Elliot: What?
Turk: Pamplemousse! [Grapefruit!]
Tyler: Can I please stay?
Turk: Yeah, kid, you could stay.
Tyler: Dr. Turk? Thanks.

J.D.: [groans] All the way from the parking lot. I told you I could do it. Who's the idiot now?
J.D.: [v.o.] Despite my burning thighs, giving Turk that piggyback ride was worth it. Because I'm sure it put him in a great mood.
Turk: I'm in the worst mood.
J.D.: [v.o.] Why did I do it!?

Elliot: That was your best moment?
Turk: I totally get it. Older ladies know how to work it.
Carla: Okay, see, now you're in a bit of a pickle because the older lady you're talking about better not be me, and it sure as hell better not be somebody else. So what do you have to say?
Turk: Your favorite jeans are too tight and they look ridiculous.
Carla: What!?
Turk: Well, I I'm in trouble anyway and it needed to be said.
Carla: Well, unfortunately for you that's just not true. Right? [all silent] Wow.