Elliot: We really shouldn't feel weird about this. I mean, things like this happen all the time.
J.D.: All the time!
Elliot: It's not a big deal.
J.D.: It's not a big deal.
Elliot: Okay, you've got to stop repeating everything I say in that weird tone of voice.
J.D.: No more repeating.

J.D.: Wait, Elliot. Look, I just... Ah...
Elliot: Oh, my God. Just say it. Say, "Elliot, stay in bed and have sex with me all day until neither of us can move."
J.D.: Yeah, let's do that.
Elliot: [undressing] I cannot believe you almost let me leave. You're gonna pay for that.
J.D.: Oh, I'm good for that.

J.D.: We are really good at having sex. We should, like, take this show on the road.
Elliot: Oh, don't joke. My mom would sit in the front row and tell me I'd look much prettier if I smiled more.
J.D.: You don't really smile, though. You just make this face.
Elliot: Well, what about you? You just looked surprised that you were actually having sex.
J.D.: Well, I was. I mean, four times? Give it up.
Elliot: I think I already did.
J.D.: Yeah, you did.

Elliot: I was not. You were.
J.D.: Sometimes I like a little sugar in my coffee. [goes to kiss Elliot]
Elliot: No, J.D. J.D., I just think it's best if we keep this between us for now. I mean, it's hard enough without everybody talking.
J.D.: But it'll help people. Like those two [Janitor and Nurse Roberts], for instance. I mean, they've been dancing around each other for months now. And excuse me for not being afraid to show people here how I feel about you.
Elliot: You just want the guys to know you're getting some.
J.D.: Not just the guys.

Todd: Check her out.
Turk: Dude, she's HFFA.
J.D.: Excuse me?
Turk: HFFA? "Hot from far away" but up close she's nasty. [all laugh] That is so messed up. [sees Carla] Baby, I am sorry I made an incredibly insensitive statement about an ugly person.
Carla: I'm taking one of those moments where I weigh your good qualities against your bad ones and decide if you're actually worth the trouble. You made it. That was close.
Turk: Thank you, baby.
Carla: You're welcome.

Turk: So I heard Elliot's looking for a surgical consult. Do you know where she is?
J.D.: Why should I know? I don't know where Elliot is.
Todd: I know where the Todd would like Elliot to be. In his pants.
J.D.: Ha. Clever. You know, she told me she's not going out with anyone. You should ask her out.
Turk: Oh, no, no, no. Elliot and the Todd? That's a terrible couple. That's worse- Worse than Joanie and Chachi.
J.D.: Dude, Joanie loves Chachi.

Todd: The Todd is asking Elliot out. I think she'd be lucky to ride my-
J.D.: Please.
Todd: Motorcycle. Gotcha.

Elliot: You know what? After I have sex five times with somebody, I usually like to have the relationship talk. No, I know it seems rushed, but you have to understand five times usually takes me anywhere between six months and seven years.

J.D.: Now I get to do this in public.
Turk: [clears throat] This is a hospital, all right? People here are already sick.
Elliot: You guys do it all the time.
Carla: Tell me we don't look like that.
Turk: We don't look like that.

J.D.: Please, you guys are just jealous because you're not the hot couple in town any more.
Turk: Jealous, my chocolate butt!
Carla: I'm telling you, we are so damn hot, last night, when I was home waiting for Turk, I put on this tiny negligee. It was so small I took it off my Latin Barbie.
Turk: Yeah, but, baby, when I got home, you were asleep, drooling like a sheepdog.
Carla: You don't have to tell 'em that.