Viv: This place is so random.
Dirk: I don't know. It's kind of, like, in the middle of nowhere.
April: I know. That's, like, the hilarious part. It's like a joke how long it takes to get here. It's like a meta-cabin.
Dirk: Oh yeah.
Viv: That's what I thought, yeah.
April: I heard that Dave Eggers wrote a short story about this tape cassette that he found under that tree over there.
Viv: Oh, my God.
Ron Swanson: What are you doing?
April: I'm trying to get these annoying dumdums to pay more money for your cabin.
Ron Swanson: Carry on.
April: Oh, my God, I heard that Neko Case and Ben Gibbard made out here once.

All: Surprise!
Ben: Oh, my God!
Barney: I hope you don't mind. We decided to throw you a pizza party to say congrats for cracking the case.
Ben: Oh, my God, you guys. See what we got here. Wait a second. That's not pizza. Those are calzones! [laughter] I love calzones!
Barney: We know!
[aside to camera:]
Ben: [eating calzone] I think it's safe to say I made the right choice. What's up, guys?
All: Hey!

April: Ron, you want to stay outside and do nothing while they make your cabin look like garbage?
Ron Swanson: I'd like that very much. We can watch the shadows get longer.

Tom: And I think we still have traction with those two.
Dirk: Oh, hey, man. I love the mustache. So funny. You ever think about twisting it up at the ends, huh? Use a little beeswax?
Ron Swanson: The open house is now closed. We are not accepting bids at this time. The sun sets in 95 minutes. Good day.
Tom: [laughs] That's part of the charm of this whole place, the cantankerous old coot who owns it. It's authentic!

[aside to camera:]
Ben: I got fired from running the Sweetums Foundation.
Leslie Knope: Thanks to me. Sorry, again.
Ben: Hey, blessing in disguise. I took a job at this accounting firm, they've tried to hire me three times, I finally gave in. But I've had a week off in between jobs, and I've been cooking up something pretty big.
Leslie Knope: The last time he was in between jobs, he got deep into claymation, so this should be different, hopefully.

Leslie Knope: [on the phone] Well, tell everybody in Michigan I said hi, and tell your mom that I love the banana cake she posted on Pinterest. Oh, the father of your child is here. I have to go. I'll talk to you soon. I love you. [hangs up]
Chris: Was that Ann? I hope you were speaking to her in a calming voice 'cause babies can hear everything. Baby, if you can still hear me, I love you.
Leslie Knope: The phone is hung up.
Chris: Oh.

Donna: I usually get a 5% commission, but I'll do it for 3%. Friends and family discount.
Ron Swanson: Make it 5%. I don't want you getting any ideas about us being friends.
Donna: Respect.

Tom: Donna, baby. For the fireplace, I'm thinking fake antlers. But what kind of scarves do we want to hang off the fake antlers? Oh, duh. Crocheted.
Donna: Most def. That'll look legit next to those antique "Visit France" posters.
Tom: Mm.
[Ron growls]

Ben: Wow, you guys sure take the start-up paperwork seriously around here.
Barney: Sorry to start you out like this, and on a Friday no less. But it's our toughest case. Three competing family trusts, a contested will-- it's a real puzzler! [chuckles]
Frank: So let's see what you got, genius.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: If I'm murdered tonight, start the investigation with those two guys.

Leslie Knope: Ann Arbor sounds disgusting.
Chris: She already has family there. And I have a new job lined up at the University of Michigan. Go blue! It's a good town. And it's a great place to raise a family.
Leslie Knope: What is great about it? There's no JJ's Diner there. There's no "Welcome to Pawnee" sign. I mean, the stupid state is split up into two pieces! It's ridiculous.