Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Great, um, hey, also... He's cute. Is he single, do you know?
Leslie Knope: Chris? No. He's actually dating Jerry's daughter.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Oh, no sorry, I meant Ben. What's his story?
Leslie Knope: Who?
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Ben?
Leslie Knope: I-I don't know. I--I'm not s-- I'm not sure. He's, um, a man and he's a worker. And he is--uh, we've never discussed sex, so... It's--we've always just been very businesslike, so... Your guess is as good-- nay, better than mine. The end. By Leslie Knope.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Okay. Cool, thanks.
Leslie Knope: H--happy to help.

Ann: Leslie, they're just talking.
Leslie Knope: What do you mean "just talking"? He's smiling. And she seems very charming. Is she more charming than me? Ann, if you say "yes", I will kick you. I swear to God.
Ann: You're definitely more charming. But I'm here to remind you that the reason you're not dating him is because you decided to run for city council.
Leslie Knope: Oh, so just because I can't go out with him, someone else can? Wow.
Ann: Oh, boy.

Ann: Okay, I'm sure this is nothing.
Leslie Knope: Okay, well, that was definitely something.
Ann: Oh. My God. I know that move.
Leslie Knope: They're gonna have sex in five minutes. I've gotta stop this. I've got to keep them away from each other for the rest of their lives.
Ann: How are you gonna do that?
Leslie Knope: Unclear!

Andy: Oh, yeah, ten bucks!
April: That counts as winning the lottery.
Andy: Okay, now is this the most amazing grilled-cheese sandwich ever made?
April: Mmm, it's pretty awesome.
Andy: Honey, my bucket list doesn't say "make a pretty awesome grilled-cheese sandwich." Gotta go back to the store. We're gonna get a different kind of cheese.
April: No, no, no, dude, seriously. This is the most amazing grilled-cheese sandwich ever made, okay?
Andy: [slams table] Okay. What's next?

Shauna Malwae-Tweep: I might head over to that end of the world party.
Leslie Knope: Oh, that's where all the losers are going.
Ben: Yeah, what is that? Tom emailed me. I could check that out.
Leslie Knope: Hurrrrr... Well, then you should stay here then. Because you can't go. I mean, what if you're not here when Zorp shows up? Boy, would your face be red.
Herb Scaifer: When Zorp shows up, your faces will be melted off and used as fuel.
Leslie Knope: You want to be here for that.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: I think I'll take my chances. Leslie, thanks as always.
Leslie Knope: Wow. What an unbelievably unpleasant person.

Tom: [aside to camera] The perfect party. It's an elusive idea. People have to be completely entertained from the moment they walk in, to the moment they leave. It's a grand experiment. And I... am a party scientist. Welcome to my laboratory.

Andy: I don't know. It seems a little crazy. Just crazy enough to work. Aah! Ahh! Oh, my face! My face! Is fine, Mikhail Petrov!
Jerry: Forget it, Macklin, you're too late-- I'm sorry, guys.
April: Jerry!
Jerry: I need my cheaters. I cannot see anyth-
Andy: You're doing really good, you're doing really good.

Leslie Knope: Hey, hey, where you going? Where you headed off to? Do you want to play a fun game with me that I made up called chess-Risk? It's half chess, half Risk and takes like 15 hours to play.

Leslie Knope: Here we are! We're at the special place! Well, here we are. What do you think?
Ben: Are you gonna murder me and bury me at this gas station?
Leslie Knope: No, this is a great gas station. This gas station was owned by... Mick Jagger.
Ben: Uh-huh.
Leslie Knope: I came across some financial records when I was doing some research for my book, and this gas station was owned by an M. Jagger, which at first I thought was a woman. Maybe Meg or something,
but I think the most likely explanation is that legendary Rolling Stones front man Mick Jagger owned this gas station from 1951 to 1958.
Ben: When he was eight.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. And I just knew you are a big fan of financial records, so... you're welcome.

Andy: This one will get me arrested. And this other one is impossible, because we need Eddie Vedder and a time machine.I think we've done everything on the list that we can actually do, so...
April: Really?
Andy: Yeah, I mean... this is it.
April: What about this?
Andy: Oh, my God, that would be awesome. It's impossible.
April: No, it isn't. We have $1,000 in our bank account, and we're young and irresponsible.
Andy: I mean, our car would break down. There's no way we could even get there.
April: So I'll steal my dad's car. Look, this is a stupid idea, but right at this exact second, we have enough momentum to do something stupid before we realize how stupid it is.
Andy: You are absolutely right. No thinking, just stupid.
April: Yes!