Bill: It's the only park in our neighborhood. I mean, where are my kids supposed to play... the rock quarry? There's rocks in there.
Gary: Why don't we just set fire to the fence? You know, set it ablaze.
Leslie Knope: That's arson.
Gary: Well, let's leave that up to the lawyers. The point is, it would work.
Pearl: Why don't we build a fence around their fence?
Leslie Knope: Why?
Pearl: It would give us... Two fences, so if they needed to get to their fence for maintenance and whatnot, their pants might get caught.
Florence: My son Joey tried to scale that fence to play on the Eagleton side, and he fell and hurt his arm. You need to get those people to tear that fence down.
Leslie Knope: This woman's right. I promise you, citizens of Pawnee and sweet, brave Joey, I will tear down that fence. [applause]
Gary: Okay, I-I'm just gonna suggest one more time that we burn it down.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. Great.

April: [on the phone] Yes, hi. I have a question about your inflatable saxophones. Do those come in different sizes? I'm gonna need about 40 dozen of those. Also, what about your neon gangster fedora hats? [Ron hangs up the phone] Um... That was rude.
Ron Swanson: Whatever's going on here, stop it immediately.
April: I was just talking on the phone.
Ron Swanson: To whom?
April: It was personal. I would never make a work-related call. You know that.

Ben: Wow! This is where they have their Public Forums?
Leslie Knope: Yeah, it's not that great.
Tom: They had a valet.
Leslie Knope: Yes, Eagleton is nicer than Pawnee. And, yes, because of their cupcake factory, the air always smells like vanilla.
Ben: [inhales deeply] Oh, yeah. Wow.
Leslie Knope: But... Their people are not inherently better than our people. The only thing they beat us in is life expectancy, beauty pageants, and average income. Who cares?

Tom: Decisions, decisions. Uh, I think I'm gonna go with the porcini mushrooms and boursin, s'il vous plait.

Ron Swanson: Just tell me what Leslie is planning.
Ann: Honestly, I-I don't know. I haven't heard anything.
Ron Swanson: Why don't you tell me what she did for your last birthday?
Ann: Oh, well, that was intense. She totally surprised me. She kidnapped me from work, and then she took me to that place, Senor Vega's, you know, where the mariachi band comes out. They put a big sombrero on you, and then everybody sings Happy Birthday?
Ron Swanson: Damn it.
Ann: And then we went back to my house, and she invited basically everyone I knew, and she had this great guy doing face painting, and I had my face painted like a fairy tiger. [Ron groans] Also, she did it, like, a week before my birthday, which is genius, 'cause I had no idea it was coming. And then there was a bouncy castle. Did you know they made those for adults?

Leslie Knope: I want her arrested for attempted murder.
Chief Trumple: For God's sake, Knope. Get a grip.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: [sirens wailing] Thank God you're here! I want her arrested! She attacked me, and then she hurled my Kate Spade headband somewhere.
Chief Trumple: I think my Eagleton colleagues would agree that we don't want to make a federal case out of this, so I suggest you both apologize to each other, and we pretend this never happened.
Leslie Knope: I will never apologize to her.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Nor I her.
Leslie Knope: [mockingly] "Nor I her." I doth proclaim to be a stupid fartface.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Nice retort. Did G.B. Shaw write that for you?
Leslie Knope: Did G.B. Shaw write your stupid fartface?

Ann: Well, first of all, this color looks amazing on you.
Leslie Knope: Thank you.
Ann: Second of all, the whole fence thing... she's obviously trying to get a rise out of you. Third of all, she knows she only got the job because you turned it down, which must drive her nuts. But most importantly, you say the word, and I will beat her senseless with a baseball bat.
Leslie Knope: [softly] Thank you.

Leslie Knope: Do you remember what you said to me five years ago when Eagleton offered me that job, and I asked you for your advice?
Ron Swanson: Uh, "Do whatever the hell you want. What do I care?"
Leslie Knope: Right, but then, after, when I pressed you, what did you say?
Ron Swanson: I believe I said that I thought we worked well together and that I might disagree with your philosophy, but I respected you. And I said that you'll get a lot of job offers in your life, but you only have one hometown.
Leslie Knope: Yes. That's how I remember it. This, by the way, is a one-time-only situation. Next year, your birthday party is gonna be a rager.

Ben: Who builds a fence to keep kids out of a playground?
Leslie Knope: Three words... Lindsay Carlisle Shay.
Andy: [groans loudly] Who?

Leslie Knope: Okay, well, I am on "Operation No More Fence," so I'm putting you in charge of "Operation Ron's Party... colon... Shock And Awe."
April: I am all over it.
Leslie Knope: I just need you to do what's on that list.