Leslie Knope: I want her arrested for attempted murder.
Chief Trumple: For God's sake, Knope. Get a grip.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: [sirens wailing] Thank God you're here! I want her arrested! She attacked me, and then she hurled my Kate Spade headband somewhere.
Chief Trumple: I think my Eagleton colleagues would agree that we don't want to make a federal case out of this, so I suggest you both apologize to each other, and we pretend this never happened.
Leslie Knope: I will never apologize to her.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Nor I her.
Leslie Knope: [mockingly] "Nor I her." I doth proclaim to be a stupid fartface.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Nice retort. Did G.B. Shaw write that for you?
Leslie Knope: Did G.B. Shaw write your stupid fartface?