Leslie Knope: Lindsay!
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Leslie Knope.
Both: Hi.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Has it really been five years?
Leslie Knope: It has. You look amazing.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Thank you. This place hasn't changed a bit... still loveable, but grimy. [takes out hand sanitizer]
Ben: Hello, there. I'm Ben Wyatt.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: I'm assistant city manager hi, Dan.
Ben: Ben.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: It's not important. It won't come up again.

Leslie Knope: Uh, this is Ann. She is my best friend... Now. And, uh, she's a nurse, and she works at a hospital.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Ooh.
Ann: Nice to meet you.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Oh, I'm sorry. It's just, nursing... You must be so tired. It's sad.

Leslie Knope: Well, thank you so much for stopping by.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: I was passing through Pawnee anyway. I do a lot of charity work here. There's only so much you can do.

Leslie Knope: So let's talk about Lafayette park.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Oh, yes. The fence. I'm only trying to protect our children.
Leslie Knope: Come on, Lindsay, this isn't you. When we used to work here together, we loved the fact that parks were for everyone. That's what makes them so great.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: You know what's really great? A private park that's not for everyone.
Leslie Knope: Wowsers.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: What do you care? It's just a crappy little park.
Leslie Knope: Well, someone once told me that there's no such thing as small parks, just small ideas.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Mm.
Leslie Knope: And that someone... Was this woman. You can take it if you want. I have many copies and the negatives. And I have a jpeg.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: The fence stays up.
Leslie Knope: Lindsay, if we...
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Sweetie, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, Pawnee is and always will be a dirty, little nightmare from which you will never wake up. But it was good seeing you.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] What? I'm not asleep. I'm awake. I'm wide awake, and I got my eyes on you. That's what I would've said if I had thought of it in the moment. What did I say instead?

Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Hello, Pawnee. Welcome to our public forum.
Tom: Hi, I'm Thomas Montgomery Haverford.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Okay.
Leslie Knope: Well, nice outfit. What, did you just come from the stables?
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Yes. I was just at the stables.
Leslie Knope: Oh.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: You look like you've been working hard. You have a million flyaways right now. Would you like to borrow a mirror or a self-help book?
Leslie Knope: I would not. I would like you to get off your high horse, Lindsay... pun intended.

April: Hey, Ron, how's the street parking at your house?
Ron Swanson: What?
April: Can you handle, like, 20 cars or a double-decker party bus?
Ron Swanson: There is no street parking at my house. My house is not even on a street.
April: Do you have space for, like, a huge circus tent?
[Ron runs out of his office as he sees Ann arrive with balloons]
Ann: Hey, Ron. Have you seen... [Ron pops the balloons] what the hell? No! Oh!
Ron Swanson: Well, looks like there wont be any balloons for the birthday boy.
Ann: These were for a sick child at the hospital.
Ron Swanson: Ah. My office, now.
Ann: I don't work for you.
Ron Swanson: Don't care.

Leslie Knope: ...that the Eagleton-Pawnee fence does a lot more harm than it does good.
Burtram Rolands: Hello. I'm Burtram Rolands, a citizen of Eagleton. [applause] With all due respect, Ms. Knope, can't you just clean up your side of the park, put some new equipment there?
Leslie Knope: Well, we would love to do that, but, unfortunately, money is tight right now.
Christine Porter: Hello. I'm Christine Porter. [applause] I want to respectfully say that I'm in favor of the fence. I see it as a kind of punishment for Pawnee that might inspire your town to clean up its act. [applause]
Leslie Knope: Well, I would like to respectfully say that any child should be able to play in any park, regardless of wealth or status. [claps] Uh, anyway, this is Joey Plunkett. Joey, wave to the audience. Oh, you can't, because you broke your arm climbing that fence.
Joey: Uh, I can wave with this arm.
Leslie Knope: No, you can't. Both your arms are broken.
William: All due respect, I recognize that boy. He was caught selling fireworks to Eagleton kids.
Leslie Knope: Well, with more due respect, a lot of boys do that in our town. You cannot be sure that he is the one.

Lindsay Carlisle Shay: This is a perfect example of how we're going to help you. Here's to you, Joey, and your mother and to every Pawnee citizen who might have a bright future if they fundamentally change everything about themselves. Thanks to Leslie Knope.
Leslie Knope: I'm not done.
Lindsay Carlisle Shay: Isn't she trying her hardest? [applause] So cute and so good.

Ron Swanson: I'm only gonna ask you this once. What is going on with my birthday?
Ann: Oh, my God. Ron, it's your birthday. Happy Birthday.
Ron Swanson: Shut your damn mouth.
Ann: This is a fun conversation.