Warden Christie: Miss Fleming, what the hell's going on?
Sharona: It's all about him.
Warden Christie: Lambert Lawson?
Sharona: Yes, yes. Lambert Lawson was suing the author of this book for millions of dollars.
Warden Christie: So what?
Sharona: So now that he's dead, the lawsuit's gonna be thrown out.
Warden Christie: What the hell does a dead billionaire have to do with one of my prisoners being poisoned?
Sharona: Everything, everything. Lambert Lawson died because he needed a kidney transplant. He was AB-negative with a "D" antigen. It's the rarest blood type in the world. Guess who had the same blood type?
Warden Christie: Ray Kaspo.

Warden Christie: So Lawson was waiting for Ray Kaspo's kidney?
Sharona: Right, right. Meanwhile, J.T. DeMornay, who wrote this book, wanted Lawson dead.
Warden Christie: DeMornay. Do I know him?
Sharona: You know his mother Sylvia.
Warden Christie: The reading lady?
Sharona: Yep. She used her maiden name when she applied here. Here, read the dedication.
Warden Christie: "For my mother, Sylvia, who makes all things possible."
Sharona: She came here to kill Ray Kaspo. She paid Tucker the cook to spike his last meal with enough poison to destroy his organs.
Warden Christie: Wouldn't a lethal injection have ruined the kidneys anyway?
Sharona: No, no. The injection attacks the nervous system, not the organs. By destroying that kidney, she murdered Lawson to protect her son.

Sharona: Adrian! Adrian!
Adrian Monk: Sharona.
Sharona: Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: I figured out why Mrs. Fairbourn...
Sharona: No, no. I know, I know. I just did the whole summation.

Head Nurse: It's your friend Mr. Monk. He's here again.
Sharona: Oh, God. Just hold on one sec, okay?
Head Nurse: He's out front. He's been there for an hour.
Sharona: Look, he's having a really tough week, okay? He just lost his job.
Head Nurse: Sharona, you know how I feel about you. You're the best nurse I ever trained, and you're welcome back anytime. But he's out there every day, just sitting there. It's kind of creepy.
Sharona: It's not creepy. He's just sad. And creepy. I guess he's both, okay? I'll go talk to him.

Sharona: You know, he asked me out on a date, and, uh I told him I'd think about it.
Adrian Monk: Sharona, you know what kind of man he is.
Sharona: Yeah, but that's what I like about him. Look, I, I know you always want to check out my dates and find out what's wrong with them, but at least with Tony, I already know he's a criminal. I mean, I can't be surprised. I've been surprised enough, you know?
Adrian Monk: Well, as long as that makes sense to you.

Sharona: Natalie, I have a question. Does he still eat the same thing every day for lunch? Well, wait, what is it? Turkey club, lightly toasted...
Natalie: Hold the lettuce, hold the bacon...
Both: Hold the mayo, five slices of turkey cut four ways on a square plate.
Natalie: Oh, my God. Half the time he sticks me with the check.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God, he still does that? I swear, I don't know how I survived on $950 a week. I don't know.
[Natalie turns back to give Monk an evil look]

Country Club Lawyer: Ms. Fleming, we represent the Eastdale Country Club. Now, our client would rather not drag this through the court for weeks or years. We understand that no amount of money could ever compensate for your loss. But we're hoping this will ease at least some of your pain. Think about it. Take your time. [hands Sharona a sheet of paper]
Sharona's Lawyer: We don't have to think about it. Whatever your offer is, it's not enough. Howard Fleming was in the prime of his life. Your client knew the stones on that staircase were loose. They'd been warned about it on more than two occasions. My client didn't come all this way to be insulted.
Sharona: [reads paper] Holy Jesus Palomino. Uh... We accept. No backsies.

Sharona: Adrian, you're going the wrong way. The car's over there.
Adrian Monk: It'll just take a minute. I want to see the crime scene.
Sharona: It's not a crime scene. Don't call it a crime scene.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, I don't understand. They both saw the accident. It sounded legit to me.
Sharona: Yeah, me too. Can't we just say it's an accident and get on with our lives?
Adrian Monk: Get on with our lives. Sharona, he was your uncle.
Sharona: I barely knew him. I met him twice.
Adrian Monk: [as the sprinklers go off] Oh, my God. It's my cuff.
Sharona: Oh, stop whining. It's only water. Just shake it off.
Natalie: Shake it off. Here. [hands Monk a wipe] Don't tell her I did this.

Sharona: [knocks] Excuse me, I'd like to lodge a complaint against one of your officers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What did he do?
Sharona: He hasn't written or called me in five years.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] Sharona Fleming. Get in here! You look fantastic.
Sharona: Thank you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: We've got regulations against public displays of affection, which I'mofficially waiving.
Sharona: It's so good to see you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's good to see you.
Sharona: Hey, I heard you got a new girlfriend. Congratulations. Oh, my God! You won the lottery!
Captain Stottlemeyer: I feel like I did.

Lieutenant Disher: Is she here? There she is. She is here. Wow, you look great.
Sharona: Thank you, Randy. [they hug] It's really good to see you, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: And...
Sharona: And what?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know, I'm just waiting for the punch line. You always used to set me up and hit me with a zinger.
Sharona: What, I did that?
Lieutenant Disher: Only all the time.
Sharona: Oh, my God, was I awful?
Lieutenant Disher: No, you were... Truth is, I missed it. Excuse me for repeating myself, but you look great!
Sharona: Thank you.