T.K. Jensen: Everybody hates me.
Natalie: No, sweetie. Nobody hates you.
T.K. Jensen: Leland hates me. I can feel it.
Natalie: Did you talk to him?
T.K. Jensen: He offered to quit the force.
Natalie: He did?
T.K. Jensen: He gave me his badge. I gave it back. It's who he is. He's a cop.
Natalie: He bleeds blue.
T.K. Jensen: He'd be miserable. Then we'd both be miserable. Spend our lives resenting each other. What kind of marriage is that?
Stephanie Briggs: I gotta tell you, from what I've seen, it's pretty typical.

Captain Stottlemeyer: I guess I can take that ring back.
Adrian Monk: Not yet.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, it's over. I happen to be an expert on the subject.
Adrian Monk: Well, I'm not giving up. It's gonna work out, somehow. You love her. You need her. She's your answer.
Captain Stottlemeyer: She's my answer. Where'd you hear that?
Adrian Monk: Trudy used to say it, my Trudy. Besides, I don't think I can open my hand.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Stephanie Briggs.
Stephanie Briggs: I'm sorry, am I interrupting? Are you OK, Leland?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, Stephanie, I'm far from being OK.
Stephanie Briggs: Well, I will just be a second. I'm running some errands, I've gotta call the minister, and cancel the caterer, I need to return your tux, take all the vases back to Affinity, and...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Cleaning up the mess, huh?
Stephanie Briggs: Leland, I know this hurts. I'm really sorry. But you'll find someone. You've got your whole life ahead of you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Now you're being cruel. Hey, would you tell her to call me?
Stephanie Briggs: I will.

Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm gonna find him, the guy that scared her off. Him and me, we're gonna have a long conversation. The kind of involves a lot of punching.
Adrian Monk: Affinity, the flower shop. That's where she bought the flowers for the wedding?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, that's right.
Adrian Monk: Leland, that's where Martin Kettering worked. When was she arrested?
Captain Stottlemeyer: A week ago Tuesday.
Adrian Monk: That was the night Kettering was killed. Where did they pull her over?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Colin Avenue, a mile from the body.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Stephanie, got a minute?
Stephanie Briggs: Well, actually, I'm running a little late, Leland, can it wait?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it really can't.
Adrian Monk: You say you've known T.K. for 12 years?
Stephanie Briggs: Yeah, more or less.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Where were you before that, you've never said?
Adrian Monk: Who were you before that?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You ever hear of a group called the Earth Avengers?
Stephanie Briggs: What are you talking about?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Martin Kettering. Is he a friend of yours?
Stephanie Briggs: Leland, listen, I know that you've had a terrible week.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Here's what I know. I know we're going back inside, we've got a few things to talk about.
Stephanie Briggs: [pulls out a gun] OK, not today, Leland. You see?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Easy, easy.
Stephanie Briggs: I will kill him, I swear to God. You both know what I am capable of. So why don't you take out your gun, throw it in the garbage can, and don't be obvious about it, please.
Adrian Monk: She's the guy, Leland. She's definitely the guy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. Stay calm.
Adrian Monk: She's the guy.

Stephanie Briggs: Here, you take this. You're gonna walk me to my car. Here we go. Put your hands down, just walk natural. Walk like a normal person.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I bet you a week's pay that that's a nine millimetre.
Adrian Monk: It's the same gun you killed Martin Kettering with, isn't it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What was it doing with my tuxedo?
Adrian Monk: That's what this whole thing has been about. You were in that group with Martin Kettering, you've been a fugitive for 12 years.
Stephanie Briggs: Just shut up.
Adrian Monk: I already started, it's very hard for me to stop.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's true, you have to let him finish. Go ahead.
Adrian Monk: I'll make it quick. Here's what happened. You reinvented yourself. You had a good job, a new life. Then a few weeks ago, you walked into that flower shop, and your past caught up with you. He had a dead end job, he had nothing to lose. You had everything to lose. I'm guessing he wanted money. What did you do, promise to help him? You agreed to pay him off. So you lured him to those woods. He had no ideas he was in danger until it was too late. You killed him in cold blood. And after you shoot him, you burned the body. And you were safe again. But then it all went wrong, didn't it? On the way home...
Captain Stottlemeyer: She got pulled over.
Adrian Monk: She still had the gun, the murder weapon. She only had a few seconds to hide it. She panicked. Just before the cop stepped up to the car, she hid the gun inside the garment bag with your tuxedo.
Captain Stottlemeyer: This was your third speeding offense. They impounded the car, and I took the bag up to my office.
Adrian Monk: She knew as soon as you opened that garment bag, you'd find the gun, which explains the break-in.
Captain Stottlemeyer: She was looking for the garment bag.
Adrian Monk: When that didn't work she got desperate. The phone calls, the car fire.
Captain Stottlemeyer: She was trying to scare T.K.
Adrian Monk: So T.K. would call off the wedding.
Stephanie Briggs: Are you guys done?
Adrian Monk: No, I have a little more...

Stephanie Briggs: Get in the car. Leland, you drive. You're in the back seat.
Adrian Monk: No, no, I never get in the back seat. I only sit in the front.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's true, he can't ride in the back. It's like a...
Stephanie Briggs: What is your problem? This is a gun.

T.K. Jensen: Leland! I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you doing here? Just go home. We have nothing to say. just go home.
Adrian Monk: He doesn't wanna talk to you now, he hates your guts.
T.K. Jensen: I just wanted to say I love you. I'm not leaving you again.
Stephanie Briggs: In that case, you're coming with us. Get in the car, T.K.
Adrian Monk: Not in the front, though, because I'm sitting in the...
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's not loaded.
Stephanie Briggs: It's not? [fires a shot in the air]
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's empty now. Here's your clip. You had one in the chamber. You're under arrest. Turn around.
Stephanie Briggs: Ow, that hurt.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Now are you gonna marry me or not?
T.K. Jensen: Absolutely.

Minister: Trudy, do you take Leland to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?
T.K. Jensen: I do.
Adrian Monk: Sorry, my fingers are a little stiff.
Natalie: Okay. Okay. Open.
Adrian Monk: There you go.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I picked the right man.
Minister: And Leland, do you take Trudy to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to cherish, honor, and love her, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I do.
Minister: I now pro-
T.K. Jensen: Oh, wait. There's something else I'd like him to wear. May I have your wallet, please?
[T.K. takes Stottlemeyer's badge out of his wallet, and pins it to his tux]
Minister: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Damn right.