Adrian Monk: See, sometimes he's not really so bad. Last night, we were watching this old horror movie and talking about our dad and Paraguay... And I was feeling.
Dr. Bell: Paraguay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, he's obsessed with Paraguay. He's been reading all about it...
Dr. Bell: Uh-oh.
Adrian Monk: Uh-oh, what?
Dr. Bell: Adrian, I've been doing some workshops in local prisons, and Paraguay is considered the promised land.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Dr. Bell: Because of their new extradition laws. They won't extradite anyone. Unless he's been indicted for murder.

Dr. Bell: Garfunkel?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I'm probably the biggest Garfunkel who ever lived. I mean, after all I've done for her. You know, I give her money almost every week.
Dr. Bell: But doesn't she work for you?
Adrian Monk: That's not the point exactly.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, Natalie's a human being. Now all this attention can throw a person off-balance, especially if it comes suddenly and unexpectedly. I once wrote a book on body language, and it it spent all of three minutes on the best seller list. Now, I was very young, and I'm sorry to say I became a bit of a diva. I didn't like myself very much.
Adrian Monk: So now you're on her side.
Dr. Bell: The question is why aren't you on her side? Why aren't you happy for her? Natalie's your friend. Maybe you're afraid she doesn't need you anymore. Maybe you're afraid of losing her.

Natalie: What do you think?
Dr. Bell: I think you should have called me. Hypnotism is no substitute for real treatment. I am aware of this Dr.
Climan. I've been cleaning up his messes for years.
Adrian Monk: I told him not to call that guy. I made him promise.
Lieutenant Disher: Can't you just... [clicks fingers] You know, snap him out of it, doc?
Dr. Bell: It doesn't work like that, Lieutenant. Even if I could I wouldn't recommend it. It might trigger some deeper depressive reaction. He's returned to an earlier ego state. Emotionally, he's about six and a half, seven years old.
Lieutenant Disher: Is he reliving his childhood?
Dr. Bell: Not at all. No, he's living the childhood he always wanted. You might call it a, wish fulfillment.
Adrian Monk: We're outta syrup! We're outta syrup!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie, he couldn't live like this forever, right?
Dr. Bell: No, of course not. No, not like that. But the good news is, at some deeper level, Adrian knows that too. Eventually, he'll snap himself out of it. Don't worry. He'll come back to us.
Adrian Monk: We have a syrup emergency here! Grenade!
Dr. Bell: Hey, good shot!

Dr. Bell: All right, before you decide, let me tell you a little story.
Adrian Monk: No, there's nothing you can say. My mind is made up.
Dr. Bell: Just hear me out. Please.
Adrian Monk: Is this a long story?
Dr. Bell: No.
Adrian Monk: Is it a parable?
Dr. Bell: No. As you know, I went to college on a baseball scholarship. Now there was a pitcher in the league named Scotty Hunt, who was my nemesis. All right, he had this sinking curve ball. I mean, I couldn't touch it. He struck me out 15 times in a row.
Adrian Monk: Okay, this is a parable.
Dr. Bell: It's not a parable. If it's anything, it's an allegory.
Adrian Monk: Okay, I'm quitting.
Dr. Bell: Please let me finish, okay? Now I considered giving up. Then I decided, I'm not just gonna roll over. I'm not gonna let this jerk ruin everything I worked so hard for. So I went to school on the guy. I studied him. I looked for his weakness. And I realized he had a tell. He was tipping his curve ball. So, last game of the season, I'm at bat, bases loaded, we're down by three, I saw the tell. I'm looking for the curve ball. And I nailed it right field fence, grand slam. We went on to win the playoffs.
Adrian Monk: I don't want to be rude. Is that the end of the allegory?
Dr. Bell: Yes, it is.
Adrian Monk: I'm quitting.

Harold Krenshaw: Be careful. He's got a gun. Listen, Adrian, if anything happens to me-
Adrian Monk: Nothing's gonna happen to you. I won't let it.
Harold Krenshaw: Ready?
Adrian Monk: Let's do it.
[Harold and Adrian scream as they charge in Dr. Bells' house and find him sitting calmly with Xavier Danko in the study]
Dr. Bell: Well, there you are. I was about to come and get you. The police will be here soon.
Xavier Danko: I'm so sorry.
Dr. Bell: Xavier was just telling me how he killed Tiffany Bolt.
Adrian Monk: The woman he was following?
Dr. Bell: Yeah, that's right. He put her car and her body in the reservoir, then he began to get worried.
Adrian Monk: Of course, the water shortage.
Dr. Bell: Right. The reservoir levels have been dropping. He was afraid the car or the body were about to be discovered.
Xavier Danko: What did I do?
Adrian Monk: He told everyone in the group about his obsession. So you were the only people on earth who could connect him to that poor girl.
Dr. Bell: Right. He was trying to kill us before the body was found.

Dr. Bell: Well, it's 10:00. I think we should get started.
Adrian Monk: Where's everyone else?
Dr. Bell: Well, as you know, we had three members who were... Well, who died.
Adrian Monk: What about Harold?
Dr. Bell: Harold Krenshaw did something quite extraordinary. He found another doctor.
Adrian Monk: I don't understand.
Dr. Bell: He wanted you to have these sessions with me all to yourself. You have quite a friend there, Adrian. A friend like that is a blessing.
Adrian Monk: Harold?
Dr. Bell: Now, as far as your HMO is concerned, these sessions are still technically group sessions. You'll just be a group of one. [Monk chuckles] So let's get started. Congratulations on your beating claustrophobia. I'm proud of you. So what's next?
Adrian Monk: Okay, um... "Death."
Dr. Bell: Death? That's gonna be a tough one.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Could you sit here?
Dr. Bell: Of course. So...
Adrian Monk: I like this. I think I should have tried group therapy a long time ago.
Dr. Bell: This is a good group.

Adrian Monk: Where did you get that painting?
Dr. Bell: I love that piece. It's from Charles Kroger's office. I asked Madeline if I could have it.
Adrian Monk: Huh. It doesn't look right in here.
Dr. Bell: I miss him too.

Adrian Monk: Hypothetically...
Dr. Bell: Okay.
Adrian Monk: Let's say somebody was a fugitive from the law, and they needed help and they came to you.
Dr. Bell: A fugitive. Like the man who escaped from Bayside Correctional? The one who murdered that woman?
Adrian Monk: Okay, let's say, hypothetically... That it's not hypothetical. He's in my apartment. He's been there for two days. It's my half brother Jack. He's the fugitive. He's been using a fake name.
Dr. Bell: Did he kill that woman?
Adrian Monk: No, I don't think he did.
Dr. Bell: But he did escape from jail. He's guilty of that.

Dr. Bell: Adrian, I'm so glad you changed your mind. Come in, come in. We're just getting started.
Rhonda: Who is this?
Dr. Bell: This is Adrian. Yes, he's gonna join our little group. Our little band of brothers? I think you'll fit right in.
Rhonda: What, without asking us?
Dr. Bell: Rhonda, it's not your decision. Adrian, this is Rhonda.
Adrian Monk: Hello.
Rhonda: It's nothing personal. I just don't like surprises.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, you don't have to apologize.
Adrian Monk: You're right. I'm sorry that I'm sorry.
Rhonda: Adrian, this is Augie.
Augie Wellman: Arachnophobia, agoraphobia, claustrophobia.
Dr. Bell: Augie, we've talked about this before. You don't have to tell everybody about your phobias.
Rhonda: I just hate it when he does that.
Augie Wellman: You hate when anybody does anything.
Rhonda: Oh, shut up.

Dr. Bell: Adrian, why don't you take a seat?
Rhonda: Wait, excuse me. He cannot sit there. You can't sit there! This is Barbara's seat.
Adrian Monk: Barbara?
Dr. Bell: Yes, she was in our group. She died three weeks ago.
Augie Wellman: She drowned in her swimming pool.
Rhonda: It doesn't matter how she died! The point is that was her regular seat, and I just think it is disrespectful. [puts out another seat for Monk]
Adrian Monk: Thank you.