‘Blindsided’
Season 8, Episode 3 - Aired October 5, 2016
Claire goes head-to-head with Jay and Gloria when Luke decides to run against Manny for senior class president. After Haley starts her own PR business, Phil decides to introduce her to his marketing guru, Merv Schechter (guest star Martin Short), who has been plastering Phil's face across an array of promotional goods for the last decade. Meanwhile, Mitchell is upset when Cameron unilaterally decides to let a star football player stay with them so he can remain on the team.
Quote from Jay
Jay: I don't like to play this card, but I am the patriarch, and I have spoken.
Claire: Not much of a card, Dad, 'cause I don't really care. So, how about the two of you get going, because Luke has a speech to work on?
Jay: You want to go up against the Pritchett political machine? So be it!
Luke: Bye, Grandpa!
Jay: [warmly] Bye, kiddo!
Quote from Haley
Haley: Morning.
Claire: Oh, would you like some coffee?
Haley: God, no. I've been up all night. I got to get to bed. Hey, can you guys not use, like, the blender or vacuum or anything? I just need five hours.
Quote from Alex
Haley: I put a group of girls together, and we promote clubs and stuff via social media.
Claire: That doesn't sound like a real job. Your last job barely sounded like a real job.
Haley: We made $500 last night for promoting a hookah bar.
Claire: I remember when you were a little girl. You told me you wanted your job to be "princess." I would kill for those days.
Phil: [reading Alex's note] "Is that why you're dressed like a hookah?" Honey, you're not making sense again. Do you need to lie down?
Quote from Phil
Haley: Mom, I knew you would be like this. Dad, you understand what I'm doing, right?
Phil: Of course. Power of social media. I'm on "Team Gets It."
Quote from Claire
Principal Brown: So, where did we land? We're putting Luke on Adderall or taking him off? I forget.
Claire: We weren't discussing Adderall.
[later:]
Claire: Although, Adderall has helped a lot of kids.
Quote from Manny
Gloria: What happened, papi?
Manny: Luke decided to run against me for Student Council President. I've devoted my entire life to public service, only to be challenged by a guy who's devoted his entire life to watching skateboard fails on YouTube.
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: Anyhoo, there's a football player on the team who needs a place to stay until the end of football-
Mitchell: No. No, no, no.
Cameron: Would you let me finish?
Mitchell: Okay, fine. Go ahead.
Cameron: Season.
Mitchell: No. He can't stay here. Cam, we don't have the room.
Cameron: He can sleep in the den.
Mitchell: I love the den. I watch TV in the den. Besides, where are you gonna sleep tonight after this fight?
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Why do you always insist on making these big decisions without discussing it with me first?
Cameron: I do not.
Mitchell: You asked that couple we met at the car-rental counter to vacation with us.
Cameron: It would have been rude not to.
Mitchell: It was our honeymoon.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: Hola, Luke!
Luke: Hey, guys. What are you doing in my room?
Jay: Just wanted to see my favorite grandson.
Luke: You guys been drinking?
Jay: No more than usual.
Quote from Luke
Luke: I've got this, Mom. I'm running on a gun platform.
Claire: What are you talking about?
Luke: I'm talking about my guns. [flexes arms]