Manny: I'm running for president, Mom. I'll wear a suit and tie.
Jay: Well, then you'll be dressed for your funeral. Kid, you got to know your audience.
Manny: You don't think I can relate to my peers? Well, this is a fine kettle of fish.

Manny: Wait. You think I'm going to lose? But you never think I'm going to lose!
Jay: Look, you're a great kid. All we're saying is be a little more Casual Friday, a little Ash Wednesday.
Gloria: Yeah. Go up there and be like, "Yo! What's up, ballers?!" [chuckles] "Mondays off. Like, pizza and whatever."
Manny: This is feeling a little weird.
Jay: Trust us.
Manny: If you really think it'll help.
Jay: [to Gloria] Hey, write that pizza-pie thing down while it's fresh.

Mitchell: Okay. I'm gonna go first. I was petty and vindictive, and I will find someone else to look after the dog. Do you have anything to say?
Cameron: Thank you. I know that couldn't have been easy.
Mitchell: Cam, I swear to God-
Cameron: Okay, okay. You're right. I should have consulted you first. I'll tell Dwight that he has to move out after the game tonight.
Mitchell: Thank you.
Lily: Not that anybody cares, but for lunch, I had a lozenge.

Haley: So, uh, how long is this going to take?
Phil: I just need to reorder some promotional Frisbees, and say a quick hi to Merv, the genius who supplied me with coasters and key chains for over a decade. He even put my face on a pillow.
Haley: That story makes me want to put a pillow over my face. Can we just get this over with? I have a spray tan at 4:00.
Merv Schechter: Spray tan! Who needs a spray tan? Someone in winter. [chuckles] That's why you put a coupon on a ice scraper. Boom! Just sent another grandkid to Brandeis.
Phil: He shoots, he scores!

Phil: Merv, meet my daughter Haley.
Merv Schechter: Nice to meet you. Your daddy tells me that you have come down with the Madison Avenue flu.
Haley: I don't understand anything that's happening here.
Merv Schechter: I feel the same way when I watch "Empire."

Merv Schechter: Oh! No, you don't! [groans] Some mangy cat keeps sitting on the roof of my new Rolls.
Phil: Merv collects cars.
Merv Schechter: Not to brag, but I could do a production of "12 Angry Men" starring cars.

Haley: What is he talking about? What's Madison Avenue flu?
Phil: Oh. I-I may have mentioned that you had a- a budding interest in the promotional arts, and, total stroke of luck, Merv's assistant is very, very sick.
Haley: Wait a minute. You think my business is in the same universe as Carl's Auto Body toilet seat covers?
Phil: Carl just opened a third location because of that wizard.
Merv Schechter: You got two lives left, Taffy! Is this how you want to spend them?!
Haley: I don't need a job. I have one. What happened to "Team Gets It"?
Phil: Well, I don't gets it. Just seems like you're hanging out at clubs taking pictures with a bunch of party girls. I mean, I want to be hip, but none of this makes any sense to me. I just want what's best for you.
Haley: Nice pep talk. Oh, and thanks for underestimating me. You know, if you were Orville Redenbacher's dad, we wouldn't have airplanes!

Claire: Hey, losers. Thought I'd see you down at the concession stand.
Jay: How long were you working on that one?
Gloria: Is that one of the gems that you wrote into Luke's speech?
Claire: I will have you know that Luke wrote his own speech. He contributed. He was there.

Manny: Actually, we're going to speak together. Luke and I are here because we each want your votes. However, certain people want to change us into being something each of us is not.
Claire: They're publicly shaming us.
Gloria: We deserve it.
Jay: The important thing is you two learned something.
Claire: Save it, patriarch.

Phil: I got to admit, I'm really impressed that you got all these people here, but they, um- they don't really look like house buyers.
Haley: Dad, you have no idea who has money anymore. You see that girl? She makes six figures playing video games. And that dude, he invented an app for trashing your friends called App Smear.
Phil: Oh.
Haley: Any one of these people could buy this house. And if they do, you give us a percentage of your commission. That's how we make money.