Reese: Hey, I'm getting good with my left. Thanks, Stevie.
Stevie: I... give up. I'm going to... the car.
[As Stevie rolls away, he removes his glasses and wipes away a tear]
Malcolm: Way to go, Reese.
Reese: Aw, geez!
[As Reese gets up and walks over to Stevie, he looks at the fish tank and sees Stevie making the circle gesture]
Stevie: Crying on... command... got me... a cable modem.

Abe: She won't let me have butter on my bread... butter. I haven't eaten the stuff in ten years.
Hal: How'd this happen? We weren't always this way.
Abe: Actually, I was. Classic story: raised by a grandmother and four spinster aunts. I used to wash their hair on Saturday nights.
Hal: You poor bastard, you never had a chance.
Abe: Damn it... enough is enough! [eats pats of butter and down his drink]
Hal: You go, Abe!

Reese: Go ahead, hit me. Get it over with.
[Stevie leans back in his chair and forcefully punches Reese's arm, knocking him to the ground]
Reese: Ow. Ow.
Stevie: Let me... help you. [offers hand making a circle gesture] Reap... the whirlwind! [grabs Reese by the collar and repeatedly punches him]
Malcolm: Finally... justice. I mean, if he doesn't kill him.

Lois: Come on, children. Quickly, quickly.
Kitty: Those pants went out of style in the '80s and they were ugly back then. Don't you give me that look. You got a eye problem?
Malcolm: [to camera] Whoa. Interesting dinner. Stevie beat the crap out of Reese, his dad got drunk, and his mom's gone totally psycho. Oh, my God... we're contagious.

Reese: [knocks Malcolm's fork on the floor] Oops.
Malcolm: Jerk. [bends down]
Reese: You looked. [punches Malcolm's arm]
Malcolm: Ow! [to camera] We're doing this new thing called the circle game. Basically, if you can make the other guy look at your hand while you're doing this... below your waist, you get to hit them in the arm. It's stupid, but, hey... you get to hit people. [to Reese] Barn door's open.
Reese: Huh? [looks down] [Malcolm punches him] Aah!
Hal: Boys.

Malcolm: Look, a dollar.
Reese: Oh, it's mine. [bends down] [Malcolm punches Reese's arm] Damn. I never fall for that amateur stuff.
Lois: Now, I am going to say this once and only once. We are with respectable people tonight. You are to be well mannered and act civilized, or so help me, I'll wring your little necks, you hear me? [Dewey's hand drips water]

Hal: Okay, here's the plan if we want to ditch out of this thing. At the beginning, I'll say that I think I might be coming down with something...
Lois: Hal, I don't want to ditch out of this. I'm looking forward to it. The Kenarbans are nice people, and they want to be friends with us.
Hal: So you're- You're saying I'm on my own here.
Kitty: Yoo-hoo, hi there.
Lois: Hello.
Abe: Abe.
Hal: Hal. [coughs] I think I might be coming down with something.
Abe: Sorry we're late. Some jackass parked in the handicapped space.
Hal: Oh, huh, huh. Why don't you guys get seated and I- I... I got to get something out of the car. I'll just be a...

Lois: Now, remember, no throwing ice. No flicking butter at the ceiling. No sticking gum under the table and no eating gum already stuck under the table. [Dewey lets go of a piece of gum he was trying to pull off the table] Keep your voices down. You are warned. You look very nice, Stevie.

Spangler: Do you have any idea what you have done? Marlin Academy cannot exist without the support, the goodwill and cooperation of the local community. The police chief and the mayor both sit on our board of governors! The fire chief is a regent! And right now their psychotic offspring are in there tearing up the floorboards! It won't be long before they're in the air ducts.
Francis: What are we going to do, sir?
Spangler: We are going to do what any self-respecting member of society does in a situation like this... we're going to keep it quiet.
Joe: But they're destroying the school.
Spangler: Let's hope that's all they do, cadet. I'm afraid this is like an oil fire, we have to let it burn itself out.
Francis: Oh, yeah, I forgot... one of them started an oil fire.

Lois: Wait a minute. You mean this wasn't about you wanting to be friends?
Kitty: Yes, it was.
Lois: No, it wasn't. You were checking us out. You wanted to see if we were good enough for your family.
Kitty: No, no, no. I-I wouldn't put it that way.
Lois: I would, because that's what you're doing. How dare you! You can't judge us. You know, you are not so perfect yourself, lady. Hell, you are one of the most uptight, repressed people I've ever met in my life.
Kitty: Did you know that Kurt Russell was the jungle boy on Gilligan's Island?
Lois: Don't change the subject. We're having an argument here. I yell at you; you yell at me that's what you do. What's wrong with you?
Kitty: Whatever you say is wrong with me is what's wrong with me. There, problem solved. [chuckles]
[A dumbfounded Lois licks her finger and sticks it in Kitty's ear. Kitty winces and looks away, but doesn't respond.]
Lois: Okay, that's just freaky.