‘Dinner Out’
Season 2, Episode 4 - Aired November 15, 2000
Kitty (Merrin Dungey) invites Lois and her family out to dinner. Meanwhile, Francis throws a party at the academy when Spangler is entertaining a visitor.
Quote from Stevie
Malcolm: [to camera] The thing about playing at Stevie Kenarban's house is he has every one of my favorite video games... from when I was four.
Stevie: End of... the rainbow. I win... the gold.
Malcolm: Don't you have something with a little bit more violence in it?
Stevie: Fishing... for Fishies. Sometimes... he drowns.
Quote from Lois
Malcolm: Mom, I don't think that's really a good idea. I mean, the Kenarbans are kind of... well, boring.
Lois: They're refined, Malcolm, and it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if some of their manners rubbed off on you boys.
Malcolm: I just don't think you guys would get along with them.
Lois: Don't be silly. I think it's nice she's asking us out to dinner. It's been a long time since anyone invited us anywhere. I wonder why that is.
Hal: I think I see some hungry seals.
[Reese barks as Hal dangles spaghetti over his mouth. Hal and Dewey start barking as well.]
Quote from Malcolm
Kitty: Boys! I've got snacks. Hands. [squeezes hand sanitizer onto Stevie and Malcolm's hands] Now... who wants applesauce?
Stevie: I do.
Kitty: Stevie, there is no need to use your outdoor voice. And I've got some cinnamon if you guys are feeling a little crazy.
Stevie: Feeling... crazy?
Malcolm: A little. [horn honks] That's my mom.
Kitty: Oh, well, she always honks. Tell her she's welcome to come in anytime. We're not going to bite.
Malcolm: It's not personal. I think she just likes honking.
Lois: [o.s.] Malcolm!
Kitty: Well, you'd better get going. I mean, you don't want to make her mad.
Malcolm: She's always mad.
Lois: [o.s.] Malcolm, I mean it! I have ice cream melting!
Malcolm: Here's your...
Kitty: Oh, no, no, no. Eat it in the car. Eat it in the car.
Quote from Dewey
Dewey: [at the fish tank] I want to eat that one and that one. Oh, and those two.
Quote from Lois
Lois: Isn't this nice? No pirate themes. No ball pits filled with screaming children. Hal, look. "Please wait to be seated."
Quote from Abe
Abe: I swear, Hal, you said, "I feel flushed" five seconds before I was about to.
Hal: Oh, yeah?
Abe: Salud.
Hal: Look at us now. Two grown men having to sneak off from their wives just to have a drink. How sad.
Abe: Nah, no, no. It's really not like that with me and Kitty. Sure, I might let her think she's in charge, but when it comes down to the important stuff, Daddy rules the roost.
Hal: Oh, hi, Kitty.
Abe: Oh, oh, oh- [hides drink]
Hal: I got you! I did. [both laugh]
Abe: To being whipped.
Hal: Like butter, my friend.
Quote from Lois
Waiter: Here we are... diet soda, lemonade, and cranberry juice.
Kitty: Thank you.
Lois: Cranberry juice? After all that static he gave you about ordering tea, he gives you cranberry juice? Excuse me?
Kitty: No, no, no, it's fine.
Waiter: Something wrong?
Kitty: Yes. My friend ordered tea and you've brought her cranberry juice.
Waiter: I don't think so.
Lois: Look, instead of arguing with me, why don't you just march back to the kitchen and make...
Kitty: No, no, no. I like cranberry juice. Very healthy for you. Mmm...
Quote from Stevie
Malcolm: Okay, Reese, that's enough! This isn't funny anymore.
Reese: Okay, okay. Man, look what your shoulders did to my knuckles. [Stevie looks down] I'll get you when I come back.
Stevie: I even knew... he was going... to do that.
Quote from Spangler
Francis: Sir?
Spangler: [o.s.] Go away! I told you I did not want to be disturbed. My aunt and I are... catching up.
Francis: I... I thought you said it was your mother, sir.
Spangler: [o.s.] Go away!
Francis: I wish I could, sir, but we have a bit of a situation. See, we decided to have this party and it kind of got out of hand...
Spangler: [o.s.] I don't care, cadet. I will deal with it in the morning.
Francis: Yeah, but...
Spangler: In the morning!
Francis: It's just that we invited some of the local girls...
Spangler: [o.s.] Local girls?! [opens door] There are local girls inside the perimeter? Have they killed anyone?
Finley: N-No, sir, but I saw one of them eat a raw chicken whole.
Woman: [o.s.] Spangy.
Spangler: Uh... just a minute... Mother.
Quote from Lois
Lois: So... did you see any good movies lately?
Kitty: Well, we just saw Les Amants du Pont-Neuf. Did you see it?
Lois: No. Last movie I saw was The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes on cable.
Kitty: Oh, my God! Kurt Russell!
Lois: Yes.
Kitty: Oh, I had such a crush on him in those Disney films.
Lois: I did, too. Especially in Now You See Him...
Both: ...Now You Don't!
Lois: Oh, God... Oh, he was so cute. Did you see The Strongest Man in the World?
Kitty: About 50 times.
Lois: Oh, my God!
Kitty: I just wanted to reach out and grab that tush. [both laugh] I am so terrible.